


Innocent Warmth KilluaxGon Oneshots

by Punkew



Category: Hunter X Hunter, anime - Fandom
Genre: Abusive Parents, Aged-Up Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Airports, Alternate Universe - Marching Band, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Alternate Universe - Popstar, Angst, Band Fic, Baristas, Bartenders, Boys In Love, Character Death, Cloud Watching, Crying Killua Zoldyck, Deaf Character, Eventual Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Fanfiction, First Dance, Flower Crowns, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Gon Freecs, Gay Killua Zoldyck, Ice Skating, Laser Tag, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Minor Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Movie Night, No Sex, No Smut, Old School, Oneshot, Prince Killua Zoldyck, Secret Crush, Stargazing, Teen Crush, Teen Romance, Tsundere Killua Zoldyck, Yorkshin City | Yorknew City (Hunter X Hunter), mlm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 43,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27185311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Punkew/pseuds/Punkew
Summary: Oneshot BookThere's a different story in each chapter.Lots of fluff and angst episodes. There is no smutt, but there is like one sexual reference.This is a read for those who have Killua x Gon as their comfort ship, but when I  say there's angst in this, I mean there's a lot of it. There are some chapters without happy closings, but I promise there'll be warnings and plenty of fluffy ones.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 11
Kudos: 77





	1. Lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The door to the room where Killua laid in was already opened, so when Gon got closer, he stuck his head out from behind the door and peered inside. 
> 
> There, under the shivering heap of blankets laid Killua, who dug his face into the pillow. Light, soft muffled sobs escaped his mouth, his white silvery strands messily sprawled and glowed from the moon and starlight shining from the window by the bed.
> 
> "Killua? Are you okay?" Gon whispered out meekly and watched as the heap under the blankets grew very still.

Lips

Fog unfurled around the trees, and slowly crept toward Killua, whose chest frantically heaved up and down in a panic. The vast blanket of white hung heavy in the distant trees, swallowing every somber brown trunk in its path. It was almost tangible, shrouding everything in a thick white veil. Was it night or day? No light had been able to penetrate the haze.

When the fog crept closer, it was like there'd been an invisible force around the Killua. The mist-shrouded and flooded past him, sparing the few feet of earth and soil that surrounded the slender pale boy, whose hands were painted with crimson.

His feet stuck to the ground, physically unable to move, forced to watch as little flies and insects began to gather around the lifeless woman who laid stiffly on the ground. The platinum blonde strands of hair were scattered in multiple places and stained with fresh blood; like red Cabernet Franc wine. And the smell. The smell gradually became more odorous as minutes ticked on, giving the sickly-sweet scent of inside a butcher shop.

Killua's heart pounded against his chest, the two-deep ocean globes in his sockets called eyes widened while a sense of dread fills inside the fourteen-year-olds husk. It sat comfortably at the pit of his stomach from the moment the woman dropped dead to the earthy floor with a sickly gash on her chest.

"K-Killua?" The suddenly frightened voice causes the boy with white hair to jerk toward the sound. There stood behind him, watching him with wide eyes, was the familiarly beloved with tanned olive skin. 

Sweat trickles down Killua's forehead and leaves the nape of his neck absolutely drenched. It was as if the world was being pulled from right under his feet as his eyes widened. His heart-stopped, and he felt completely winded. Gon, the tanned boy, whose knuckles grew white, clenching down on his fingers that were curled into balls.

"D-did you do this?" He asks shakily, his hands twitching. No words could escape Killua's lips, because it was evidently obvious. Both Killua and Gon knew it, as Killua watched Gon's orbs trail down to his red, red, red palms.

Gon swallowed harshly and took a step back, covering his mouth with his calloused hand in hopes of holding back vomit. When Killua's legs no longer felt like jelly, he hastily took a step forward, causing the other boy to flinch. 

"Stay back, y-you're a monster!" Gon's shouts wavered, with tears that ran down along the lines of his face, like two identical rivers. If Killua's world wasn't already crashing down, then it definitely was now. His knees buckled up, causing the boy to fall to the ground with his head in his hands while Gon's feet carried him into the fog and vanished. The sound of his footsteps crunching the leaves gradually disappeared as well as the sight of his body.

No! 

Come back!

It won't happen again I swear!

But it did. Every night.

~*~

The clock read past midnight, and Gon laid in his bed, fully awake. Not a lick of energy spent, as all he could do was roll around in the quilts and sheets in hopes that it'd put him to slumber. He'd given up, and let his eyes wander around his own room in Aunt Mito's house, staring off at some beloved photos that were taped against the mirror on his dresser. 

He could just barely distinguish him and his best friend, but it wasn't entirely impossibly because of the glowing white tuft of hair in one of the photos of him and Killua fishing together. Presumably taken by Mito. His heart warmed, knowing that his best friend was just in the other room.

His olive skin shuddered against the cold waves of the air conditioner, and after ten minutes of him looking around his room passed by, he eventually closed his eyes anyway, for probably his tenth attempt to sleep.

But was the closing of his eyes short-lived, when a muffled hacking cough could be heard from the room next door. Gon's eyes shot open, and he jolted upright in his bed, staring out at the doorframe which was illuminated from the moonshine that shone from outside the bedroom window.

Another cough and Gon got up on his feet, letting his eyes adjust through the darkness of the night. He softly stepped outside of the doorway, cringing from the squeak of the floorboards with every step. 

Did it happen again?

The door to the room where Killua laid in was already opened, so when Gon got closer, he stuck his head out from behind the door and peered inside. 

There, under the shivering heap of blankets laid Killua, who dug his face into the pillow. Light, soft muffled sobs escaped his mouth, his white silvery strands messily sprawled and glowed from the moon and starlight shining from the window by the bed.

"Killua? Are you okay?" Gon whispered out meekly and watched as the heap under the blankets grew very still.

Killua then jolted up, wiping away any sign of weeping on his face, but the damp spot on the pillow still remained, telling a different story. "Yes." He mumbled miserably and turned away from Gon to face the window with open blinds.

Gon's heart twisted in his chest, and he gradually took small steps toward the bed. "Is it the same nightmare again?" He hesitantly murmured out like he was scared to ask. Gon paused before the edge of the mattress, watching Killua from behind who sat up, facing the window while smothered with the dark blue quilt.

Killua was silent, fighting in an inner battle within himself. He doesn't want to depend on Gon again.

But soon enough it was clear who'd won amongst his inner feelings when a sigh broke through his dolly lips of his, as well as a subtle slight nod of his head.

Gon took that as a signal and crawled into the bed before sitting up beside Killua, with their arms pressed together. The white-haired boy's arm shifted, grabbing the quilt to share it with Gon beside him, whose skin no longer shivered from the chilly atmosphere.

"When will you tell me what your dream is about?" Gon questioned curiously, his head shifting to turn and look toward Killua. He just kept silent while watching outside the clear window, his eyes still glossy from shedding tears only moments ago. 

Outside the window, the ground was just only a story below, and they peered out onto the streets which were only litten up with one dim streetlight. Gon slipped his arm around Killua's shoulder but he'd immediately brushed it off leaving Gon to pout from the reaction. However, the skin on his usually pale cheeks was tinted a deep pink.

"I can't tell you," Killua mumbled, and stood upon his knees; the blanket slipping off his body as he went to tweak with the string for the blinds. The shuttles closed shut, blocking off the moonlight and making the room shades darker than before. 

Gon watched as Killua sat back down and laid onto his side, staring at the wall. His eyes were slowly readjusting amongst the darkness, thanks to the help of a little night light across the room. "Do you want me to sleep in here with you again?" He murmured as Killua pulled the quilt over him to sleep again.

"Do what you want. I don't care." Killua lowly grumbled, his back facing Gon. He'd bitten down his lip, before snuggling under the blankets beside his white-haired best friend who had suddenly felt tense.

Gon laid stiffly beside him, feeling an extreme urge to cuddle up and press his cheek against the nape of Killua's neck. But his brain told him no, striking fear of possible rejection. The way Killua brushed his arm away earlier still left a lingering feeling of embarrassment. 

Minutes passed by, of Gon slowly bringing forth a hand to touch Killua, just to change his mind and retract his fingers away. This repeated over several times until the white-haired boy suddenly turned to face him, relaxed, his eyes closed with very soft snores and sniffs that emitted from his little bulbous nose.

Many more minutes flashed by, whereas honeycomb eyes watched and studied every single feature of the boy whose skin was pale.

"Killua?" Gon very lightly rustled, getting no response. His heart pounded against his ribcage when the curious gaze flitted down to soft lips, leaving very simple, yet complicated questions to fill every inch of his mind.

What do your lips taste like, Killua?

What do they feel like?

The tantalizing mysteries urged him to just lean for a hasty moment, to peck the soft tissue around his mouth and solve every single question at once.

To satisfyingly fit the puzzle piece in the right spot. 

But alas, Gon had no courage within him to just make a simple move, and figure out the flavor of his best friend's lips.

Instead, his golden hand crept from underneath the blankets, and with a sharp breath, he let the pad of his pointer finger gently rest on Killua's plush mouth. His lips were pale pink, reminding Gon of a rosebud. And after a minute, he bravely let his finger skim across Killua's bottom lip, and up to touch the rounded nonexistent cupid bow on the top one. 

One question was answered.

They were soft, delicate, just like how Gon always imagined.

But he still wasn't satisfied.

His heart melted, watching the soft features on Killua's dormant face as he desperately tried to throw away his bravery before he'd give in to the urge to touch them with his own mouth. 

Gon's eyes flickered up to gaze at his long delicate white lashes and little rounded nose. His pointer finger was lifted off from the cushion of his mouth, to gently trace the lean slope of the bridge of his best friend's nose. His mouth left open, completely awe-struck to feel up close and personal.

To see the features of Killua for a long period of time, without having to look away to not seem suspicious or weird.

"You're so pretty, Killua." He sighed out, stroking the soft silvery strands before retracting his hand back and turning away. 

Gon's back faced the sleeping mass, and silently, the brim of his eyes grew overwhelmingly wet, threatening to spill its contents out and lather his cheeks till they were soaked.

"Goodnight." He shakily murmured aloud while sinking deeper into the sheets, thinking fully well the boy had already been asleep.

Goodnight. Killua thought back.


	2. Coffee & Cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sorry about that, hope you weren't waiting too long," He said with a slight York New accent, giving Killua an apologetic smile. His voice was sweet and thick like honey, causing the white boy to momentarily freeze and breathe, thoroughly stunned just from hearing the words slide smoothly off his tongue. It was like hearing a beautiful melody for the first time and Killua was already immediately hooked.

Inside the Subway Station was full of many lively masses, and was crowded with an abundance of heavy big shoes that occasionally trodded over fragile heels and toes. The only smells were the sharp cologne from other people that were driven too close, as well as the strong odor of creosote that permeates the air. You know the stuff, the crumbly black tar they use to preserve the railroads.

Like a herd of sheep, everyone eagerly moved up the stairs to get out of the crowded station, where the streets were far more vast and spacious. Killua stood several inches taller than everyone else and tried his best to not let out grunts of pain from the common occurrence of a stranger's shoe mistakingly kicking into the back of his ankle. Everyone had places to be, and he swallowed down his annoyance, never allowing the stupid accidents to be capable of ruining his morning.

Once out of the subway, in the area where Killua was, the York New buildings stood tall, but nothing too extraordinary like it was further in the city where there were typical towers that scraped at the sky and clouds in bustling cities. The crowd dispersed, off to go their own ways, and finally was Killua no longer so overwhelmed. The clouded sky was gray with light rain, that slowly dampened the white strands on his heads, while cars honked with many businessmen who audibly complained within their driver's seats.

Killua navigates by the aromas, buildings, and bright colored shop signs. His black backpack felt heavy on his shoulders despite frequently working out and he took in all the scents the city air had to offer. Carried by the light breeze, the scent of the nearby giant lake wafted in his nose, smelling like fog, fish, and wind. However, farther down the streets could Killua scent the cigarettes and stale popcorn from a nearby corner bar, as well as the bittersweet smell of coffee that he had come for, to begin with. 

Thanks to a recommendation from a friend.

The view of the cafe that he'd been advised to go to, came to view and Killua picked up the pace on the concrete sidewalk, passing mothers pushing their strollers, and pedestrians who waited at the crosswalks carrying either umbrellas, big backpacks, or suitcases.

Killua stole a small glance at the alleyway between every couple of buildings which was dark, damp, and almost seen as vacant. Amongst the shade, there was little red glows from those who struggled financially, and were sparking up cigarettes to take a long drag of smoke in their lungs.

There was a contrast, between those who wear ragged clothes amongst the darkness, and those amongst the lightness of the streets, strolling to their office with neat formal suits and ties. Killua didn't know which category he belonged to.

He'd lived in a small apartment on the cheap side of the city after graduating high school, and was only stable thanks to the monthly funds his parents sent. He went to a college that was only a few blocks away from his apartment, and was an economics major because that was all he had been taught half his life. Killua also had a temporary job as a taxi driver, but it wasn't enough to let him live on his own. 

It had stopped him from completely cutting off the ties he had with his family.

The young tall white-haired boy approached the tiny cafe, which huddled despondent among the larger city buildings. Washed out under the overcast sky, it hunched in itself, fighting against the light drizzle of rain. At first glance, it really didn't seem to live up to his expectations. It didn't seem worthy to be highly praised and promoted by the all-mighty and picky friend who'd been named Kurapika. The same blonde-haired guy who'd obnoxiously complain if his coffee tasted just a tiny bit too sweet, or if his fries were slightly oversalted.

Killua stepped forward, and half a dozen customers inside glanced up from their seat as the door swung open with a chime, and were heralded by the cold blast of wind. Unlike the outside exterior of the cafe, he was met with a warm and cheery interior with bright lights and friendly-colored walls, decorated with framed photos of landscapes in the city that attracted the most tourists.

The customers returned to their own little conversations as soon as the door was shut and the breeze was forgotten. Off to the side of the little shop, there were rounded oak tables with comfy looking chairs on each side, as well as potted plants that kept the air crisp and fresh. It was a nice contrast from the outside where it'd sometimes stench of smoke and cigars.

Killua advanced toward the oak counter where no one stood behind, and beside it was multiple shelves covered in glass, displaying all kinds of pastries such as scones, cinnamon rolls, croissants, muffins, and even more could be named if the white boy had let his eye explore some more.

The blackboard nailed above the counters was dressed with crumbly white calcite chalk, listing off what the small cafe had to offer, and what the sweet pastries cost. Killua had already known of what he had desired, after his observant cerulean orbs read over the words, 'chocolate coffee cake', 'bonbons', and 'mocha'.

He jumped in surprise when the door behind the counter opened, revealing a breathtaking boy, that looked around his age.

The boy had dark brown (almost black) hair, tanned olive-skin, light freckles, and warm amber eyes that met with Killua's as he shut the door behind himself. He was maybe an inch or two shorter but was visibly much more stocky. He wore a white collared shirt on, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows revealing muscly forearms, and a brown smoky looking apron was tied around his neck and waist.

"Sorry about that, hope you weren't waiting too long," He said with a slight York New accent, giving Killua an apologetic smile. His voice was sweet and thick like honey, causing the white boy to momentarily freeze and breathe, thoroughly stunned just from hearing the words slide smoothly off his tongue. It was like hearing a beautiful melody for the first time and Killua was already immediately hooked.

"So, uh.. what can I get for you today?" The boy said behind the counter, clapping his hands together, pulling Killua out of his temporary trance. Frustratingly enough, his heart rate began to pick up, and his hands started to feel clammy from the sudden nerves that took him by surprise.

Killua took a deep breath to calm himself, but it was futile as his voice came out in a slight stutter. "C-can I get a slice of that chocolate cake, and a small mocha please?" He says, inaudibly cursing to himself for letting his voice waver in front of the barista who had taken his breath away.

"Of course," He said with a kind smile and walked toward the glass case. Killua squinted his eyes to read the little white name tag pinned and located on the left side of his chest. It read the boy's first name; and his name was Gon.

"This cake, right?" Gon asked for confirmation, pointing toward the slice of heaven, slathered with thick frosting which was on a small white ceramic plate. Killua nodded in reply and he bent down to take out the slice of cake from the shelves.

The bronzed boy set it aside on the counter, and Killua willed himself to stop staring at his Mexican-like features which consisted of an angular face and plump lips. "Anything else you would like to order?" He piped up, swaying on his heels after typing into the cash register.

"No," Killua said, too enraptured by his nerves to bring up the bonbons he wanted to originally get. His heart was hammering inside his chest, and an unsure tingle ran down along his spine in reaction to the alien character.

What the hell is this feeling? He thinks to himself because it was never a common occurrence for Killua to act this way. So awkward and shy, in front of a barista, nervous to make a fool out of himself in front of a mere stranger he'd just barely exchanged words with.

"Okay, that'll be eight dollars and seventy-five cents." Gon informed, and it took Killua a second to register the words through his head before frantically searching in his pockets, flustered to not have the cash already out. It took a good awkward minute before Killua was handing him money and Gon was placing it into the cash register.

"Alright, if you want you can go take a seat, I'll bring it out to you alongside your mocha when it's done!" Gon chirped with another smile, flashing his blinding white pearls, and Killua couldn't but think, 'Is he aware of the charm he possessed?'

"Okay yeah, uh thank you." Said Killua quietly, and he retreated away from the counter, relieved to no longer be in the boy's presence that made him feel so timid. Gon turned to work on his mocha, and once Killua settles down at an empty table, he groans, face in palms while hunched over in embarrassment, earning a few glances from the other customers near him.

God damn. He thinks and sighs aloud before swinging his backpack off his shoulders and pulling out his phone from inside his pocket to scroll through the latest feed on his Instagram so he can ease his mind. He dragged up his thumb, liking every new post by his friends that he'd left behind, many miles away.

Before Killua had moved to the city, he had lived in an average-sized town in California, which was not too big and nor too small. A video popped up on his feed of a familiar ginger-haired boy who'd lit up a firework, before frantically running away to a safe distance. The corners of Killua's mouth tugged up as he watched the firework shoot up with a shriek and the distinct nostalgic laughter of a particular friend he missed.

That particular good friend being Ikalgo, a ginger-haired boy he had grown up with since the sixth grade after meeting in Middle school. Back in Junior High, he and Ikalgo were inseparable. Everyone was surprised when Killua had decided to leave the town, disregarding Ikalgo's feelings with desperate hope to get far away from his family.

It'd been a few months since he had left, and so now Killua finally adjusted to city life and had new friends he'd made in the concrete jungle. Leorio and Kurapika, who he had met at a corner bar. The memories were vague due to being under the influence of alcohol, but they'd all mutually agreed the friendship started with a conversation (or rather argument) about how to spell, 'Pterodactyl.' 

Only God knows how that discussion even started.

The door opened, greeting Killua's ears with a ringing chime as the wind blew in to tickle his skin, eliciting goosebumps. Killua glanced up from his phone, to see a group of high school girls enter the cafe, dressed in uniforms, typically in plaid skirts, white shirts, and dark blazers.

They huddled together, moving like a herd of zebra in the African Savannas, whispering to each other while stealing glances at Gon who was still working behind the counter. Killua stifled the urge to roll his eyes at the girls who'd clearly just come for the cute barista.

The bronzed boy finally came out from behind the counter, carrying a ceramic white mug as well as a plate of chocolate cake, and Killua couldn't help but watch as he made his way toward him. Judging by where the girls' eyes had looked, it seemed that they couldn't help themselves as well.

The clamminess in his palms returned as Gon stopped at the edge of the rounded table, and set down Killua's order right in front of him, as well as some napkins and utensils. The cake looked moist and sweet, and the coffee was milky brown, with frothy whip cream floating on top, finished off with a light sprinkle of shaved chocolate.

'Maybe Kurapika was right about recommending this place,' Killua thought, as his mouth grew excessively wet. He murmured a quick 'thank you' to Gon, before putting his phone away, picking up the mug with both hands, and letting the heated cup soak his palms with warmth. He leaned forward, taking a sip and blessing his taste buds with sweet energy, barely distinguishing the bitter taste of the espresso shots with the chocolate.

"So, I haven't seen you stop by here before, how's the beverage?" The honey-thick accented voice curiously asked, and Killua jolted up in his seat, realizing that Gon hadn't moved away from the edge of the rounded table.

He slowly swallowed down his sip of mocha, licking his lips before setting the mug back down on the table with a soft clang. "It's uh- good. I was just recommended this place a few days ago. By a friend actually."

Gon rested a finger upon his own lips and furrowed his brows in means of contemplating. "A friend huh? What's his name, I'll probably know him. I've memorized almost every face and name that's stepped in here." He boasted amusingly, and Killua was confused as to why this big ball of sunshine was having a conversation with him.

"Kurapika," he answered, his hands hesitantly moving to pick the fork up and take his first bite of the cake. He'd felt oddly stiff and on edge, but not in an uncomfortably bad way. The fork sliced through a chunk with ease, and Killua spooned it up to feed himself.

Gon's brows immediately raised as something clicked inside him. As if he'd just solved an intricate puzzle or a world global issue. "Oh, so you're Killua, the guy he was talking about, I see now. I do know him, he's actually a good friend of mine."

It took Killua a moment before he could register the words through his head, slowly chewing on the spongey frosty slab.

"Why were you guys talking about me?" Killua curiously asked after swallowing down a piece of enriching chocolate cake that endorsed his tastebuds just like the mocha had. He winced from his own choice of words, fingers grasped around the fork and subtly twitching, hoping that his question didn't come off as demanding to the barista.

Gon shrugged, swaying on his heels while subconsciously chewing on his plush plump bottom lip, which to Killua, it came off as tantalizing and he ordered himself to stop gawking. "He just brought you up, suggesting that we should meet."

"Oh," was all the white boy said. 'Why didn't Kurapika just say so?' he ponders.

The chair on the other end of the table was pulled out, creating a sharp noise from the leg of the furniture grating off the hardwood floor. The barista unexpectantly took a seat in front of Killua, getting comfortable and propping his elbow on top of the oak table. "Well, it's nice to meet you then, Killua." Gon said with a smile.

Killua's mouth felt dry, as he was at a loss for words. When Gon's golden globes blinked at him, he finally regained his composure and his pale slender hands set down the utensil. "You know my name, so why don't you tell me yours then?" 

He forced himself to meet Gon's eyes, and not let his sight stray back down to the white nametag on the left side of his shirt, in which proudly, and so clearly displayed his name. It had almost made Killua feel stupid for asking the question.

The tanned barista simply flicked his finger at his nametag. "Gon, as you can see."

"I, uh, nice to meet you too then," said the taller, all hastily and self-conscious. Avoiding Gon's eyes, he looked around the interior of the shop, desperate to change the course of the conversation into one much less awkward. "Do you own this place?"

Killua laced his hands with the mug handle, taking another sip, waiting to intently listen to Gon's reply. "Nah, my Aunt Mito runs the shop. I simply just help out whenever I can, which is almost every day." 

Killua lowly hummed and stole a quick glance at the group of girls that were off to the side, settling down at some tables, taking up at least two.

"Aren't you going to take their orders?" He asks, unsure if the tanned olive-skin boy in front of him was allowed to be slacking off and talking to random customers.

"Nah." Gon at first, said so simply. "They usually come but don't order anything. Weird huh? Well maybe not. I've just assumed they go here to catch up on homework before heading off to school." He finished, thrumming his fingers against the countertop in a rhythmic pattern.

"How long are you staying for? It looks like the rain is getting pretty heavy." Gon continues and questions, his amber eyes almost looking like those that had to belong to a puppy. But it was amusing, really, coming from a boy who looked stocky and nowhere near small and innocent looking.

But that didn't mean he wasn't entirely or apparently seen as unpure. Up close, his eyes had a childlike gleam to them, giving Killua an authentic urge to ask the boy about his age, though he already had a pretty good guess in mind.

The rain thudded against the cafe glass, creating a seemingly peaceful atmosphere. But Gon was also right, it was starting to get a little heavy.

"A little while, if that's alright, I've got a college assignment I need to work on if you allow people to work in here," Killua says, beckoning toward his heavy black backpack on the ground, leaned up against the leg of Killua's chair, and full of supplies like his laptop and notebooks as well as many other necessities for college.

Gon chuckled and nodded, signally that it was alright. "Yeah, that's okay. Does that mean you'll be too busy to talk to me?" He suggested as he was about to exit off the chair.

"No, not at all. I don't plan on starting right away." Killua hastily replied, making no attempt to grab and unzip his backpack just yet. Gon sat back down on the chair, causing a sense of relief to wash over the white boy. He was beginning to feel comfortable and started to enjoy Gon's company.

"Mm. So, how old are you?" Gon asked, beating Killua to the question. 

Killua wiped the remaining whip cream off his lips after sipping from the mocha. "I'm nineteen, you?"

"What a coincidence, same- actually. I'm almost twenty though. We're you from?" Gon pressed on, his curious eyes fixated, and ears intent on hearing Killua's answers. It made him really question why this boy wanted to get to know him. Was it just because of Kurapika?

"California," Killua responded.

Gon's lips parted as his mouth dropped, displaying genuine enthusiastic surprise. "Really? That's so far from here. What made you come over to York New?"

"Personal issues." Was all he said back, making no attempt to elaborate on such a withdrawn topic. 

The smell of cinnamon clings to the air, and Killua's nose twitches in response as he parts his lips and helps carry the conversation. "How about you? You've got a bit of an accent but something's telling me you weren't born around here."

Gon sighed, the heel of his palm against his jawline, and his fingers curled against his cheek. "Nice observation, I'm from Whale Island but I came here with my Aunt while I was just seven years old."

Killua was still for a moment to think. Whale Island? It didn't hit him with a hint of familiarness at all. But then again, he was no Geographer.

"I feel ashamed to never have heard of that place." He'd blatantly admitted, and the other just hummed like it was just a mere expectancy.

Instead, Gon lets out a light soft laugh. "Yeah, it's pretty secluded."

As minutes ticked by in the cafe, Killua had learned many things about the boy Gon, while revealing things about himself back. He'd learn about the college he went to, which wasn't as prestigious as the one Killua attended, but he was still intrigued to discover that the guy was into photography and working with animals. 

He told Gon he'd been an economics major, and he looked thoroughly impressed. It made him feel all weird inside, but proud nonetheless even though he always hated flattering himself. The conversation stretched as far as to Killua sharing a funny highschool experience, and Gon doing the same, elaborating when he'd ridden his bike in the hallway, accidentally running into a teacher and earning a suspension. 

"Say, Killua, your hair is very pretty. Is it bleached?" Gon suddenly piped up from seemingly nowhere.

The words make his blood run cold, a heat seizing his face. The sensation mulling inside Killua's chest completely embarrassed him, as the compliment had caught him a little off-guard.

"N-no, it's uh' natural." Killua stuttered, gritting at his teeth from the stupid break in his voice. 

The bell rang with a chime as a customer came in, just in time to save Killua from being a blushing mess at the small silly compliment he put so much value into.

"I'll be right back," said Gon, getting up from the cafe chair to serve the newest client. But the white-haired boy finished his last sip of mocha and had gotten up as well, picking up his black backpack to swing it around his shoulders.

"Ah, it's good. I gotta go, thanks for keeping me company, Gon." He said with a soft smile, adjusting the straps of his backpack to fit his liking since they'd been accidentally loosened overtime.

Gon paused in his tracks and smiled. "Uh yeah, no problem."

Before Killua could walk out the door, the tanned male hurriedly stepped back toward him, with a shy soft look plastered on his features. One, a little different compared to the usual nonchalant and enthusiastic tone he'd always spoke with. "Hey uh, Killua. Feel free to stop by anytime, I really wouldn't mind chatting with you again."

A lighter sensation of heat flooded Killua's cheeks in a shade of amaranth and he stood there for a moment in contemplation.

"I'll think about it." He teased with every ounce of courage he had, before turning away from the barista. He teased, but Killua had already made up his mind. He was definitely coming back.

He pulled out an umbrella from his backpack and out the door did he go, back onto the rainy streets which were no longer so busy like before he'd come into the warm cafe. He stole a quick glance back at the little shop that didn't seem like much from the outside but to Killua, it proved more than worthy of Kurapika's praise.

He was definitely coming back. Whether it was for the cake and mocha, or not.

~*~

"Hey, welcome back Killua." Gon greeted from behind the counter as Killua walked into the cafe for probably the twentieth time that month. He took in and welcomed the sugary aromas of the cakes, croissants, and cinnamon bread that was being made in the backroom.

"Thanks," Replied Killua with much more confidence, immediately taking his spot in the same seat he sat at from the first day he arrived. "How's the business doing today?" He asked as Gon came around the counter to greet him like he did every day.

He smiled stopping by Killua's table in his white collared shirt and brown apron. "Pretty good. What would you like to order?" Gon asked with a smirk.

"Idiot, don't ask when you already know." Killua scowled, but there was no malicious intent in his voice. It was carefree and playful, after getting used to Gon's warming presence that made his heart flutter.

Gon just laughs and it's music to Killua's ears. He goes back behind the counter to make the usual. Small mocha with whip cream and chocolate shavings as well as a slice of chocolate coffee cake. 

Whenever Gon wasn't paying attention, the white boy couldn't help but stare and watch him as he worked on his beverage, completely mesmerized by every move he made, and the slight flicker of his black lengthy eyelashes that peered down when he was focused on applying the frothy cream to his coffee.

He soon enough finished, carrying the ceramic plate and mug to the table as Killua watched fondly.

"You've been coming here quite a lot, the cake and coffee that good here?" Gon grinned, setting down his order.

"Yeah, for sure." He lied. Well not necessarily. The beverages and pastries were delicious, but Gon was a huge part of the reason he'd come back because he just enjoyed sitting at a table with him and having conversations. 

Was this what they called love? Because it was a very alien feeling to Killua, who had never felt such a way before. Unless the platonic feelings he had for Ikalgo counted, but it definitely felt far different.

He took a hasty bite from the cake, immediately pleased with the familiar taste that made him so content.

"So... Killua." Gon spoke meekly while dragging on his words, and a new aura shrouded around him, one that was different from the usual confidence he emitted.

Killua lifted his head up to look at him whose amber eyes were gleamed with nervousness. "Yeah?" He replied plainly and nonchalant, but inside he fluttered with curiosity from the new vibe the barista gave off.

"So, I was wondering..." Gon started, leaning a hand on the table while looking down at Killua straight in the eyes with a deep rosy blush on his tanned freckled cheeks that he had never seen on the boy before.

"If I could take you out sometime? Or- you know..buy you a drink?" Gon finished, the words surprising Killua to his very core. But it also made him feel like he could float. 

His jaw dropped, momentarily at a loss of words, but when realization washed over him, all the confidence he had was destroyed, and his voice came out as meek and shy as it did the first day he met Gon.

"Y-yeah, I-I wouldn't mind that."


	3. Vincennes Street

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laughter rang out in the air, the aluminum clang of beer cans hitting the street ground, and once Killua grew closer, the chuckles dissolved away until it was just silent.
> 
> He sucked in his breath, feeling their wild eyes on him as he tried to scurry past unnoticed.
> 
> 'Look ahead Killua. Straight ahead.' He murmured under his breath, straining his cerulean globes forward to stare at the line of parked cars ahead.
> 
> "Hey, you." A honey-thick accented tongue called out from the other side of the asphalt road and Killua tensed up in his tracks from the mere voice.
> 
> The sound in his head telling him to keep moving went silent, and he slowly turned his head, cerulean blue ocean eyes, peered into amber ones, untamed like a frenzy of bees but sweet and soft like granular honey.ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Vincennes is a real avenue in Chicago, but the name's just been used in the story. Also, mannerisms aren't too accurate, I just needed a setting lol) These parts are inspired by Sandra Cisneros's works! In fact, a lot of the future one-shot settings are because she's given me so many ideas for plots.)
> 
> (Don't recommend reading either part once both come out if you hate angst. I promise I'll work on happier ones someday though lol)

Cerulean eyes, masked in a thick haze of anger and frustration, don't glance up and see the ever so slowly changing scenery. Killua, just focused on each step of his foot that took him farther, and farther, and farther from the residence he'd dreaded to be in. His heels kept carrying him, slow, dragging, and scuffing his expensive black shoes, scraping the concrete that was cracked with green shoots to which anticipated to be trodded on.

And flattened.

It was by pure luck a silvery steel dagger hadn't been lodged in his throat yet, but the pink and navy blue sky was growing darker every minute and the tall skinny streetlights were turning on, swarmed with moths, big and ugly with tattered fuzzy wings. 

There were many chances to come. 

The white-haired boy didn't notice the greedy eyes on the doorsteps that looked at him after each run-down building had passed by. They looked at his hair, his clothes, and then with a stomp on their cigarettes, they'd submerge back into the darkness of their homes.

They'd mutter lowly to themselves, 'give me those eyes,' 'give me that hair,' and 'give me those clothes.' Everything he had, they wanted, and he was oblivious as his mind was clouded in a thick haze of pent up emotions that were bitter.

Killua was a fool for taking the subway without a concern in the universe of where he'd end up. A fool for not frequently watching over his shoulder. And that might just be the cause as to why he'll be stripped and thrown into a ditch or an empty alleyway between the shops.

But that was the best-case scenario.

Pebbles that strayed in Killua's path on the fractured pavement of the sidewalk, were sharply kicked aside in means of venting his frustration. 

'This is dumb, dumb, dumb. Why don't they ever consider how I feel?' he thought to himself with clenched fists and cold quivering skin, and his teeth ached from gritting down on them so hard. 

He had made the mistake of leaving without a jacket, and now as the night draws near, all Killua can do is hug himself; hopeful for any little inch of warmth.

He was met with the main road, and even more harsh glares from the streetlights as he trudged down the sidewalk. Occasional cars; their paint peeling, drove up and down the road, the windows rolled down with R&B playing, all static and muffled. Their greedy eyes inside taking long glances at the pale-skinned boy.

Too long.

The majority of the shops were closed, some empty, and very few boarded up. Not that Killua minded though, at least yet. He was fresh to Chicago, his family just moved into their new luxurious house in Hinsdale only about a week ago.

And now, after a heated argument and a red welt formed on his cheek, he'd ran off and rode a two-hour long ride on the subway to seemingly nowhere special like a damned idiot.

He'd insisted he'd change his own life, but hope and pride were ever so slowly dissolving.

...Three Hours Ago...

~*~

"It's not fair!" 

Anger. The only sensation Killua could feel within, surging through those little tree roots inside his limbs. Connected to his heart, with each pump it felt like it'd burst. It was all so unfair. Who wants their life planned out ahead of them? All because of hair as white as piano keys? Hair that showed his wealth?

"I don't want to work with Father. I want to do other things that actually interest me!" Killua yelled out defiantly, his knuckles growing white from clenching on them so hard. Fingernails indented into the skin on his palm, so much that they grew red from so much pressure. 

Hard black eyes, looked at him like he were just a mere annoying measly fly that wouldn't mind its own business. Black silky stands cascaded below his hips, with skin like porcelain. Skin that was shared amongst every one of them in that big house. But the tallest figure that looked like a glass doll, the one listening to such 'whiney nonsense', was Illumi.

They were in Killua's desk room, where he'd been ordered to work on assignments about the economy and everything he needed to know so he could follow his father's footsteps of being CEO. He was sixteen, learning it his whole life, revolted by the things he didn't want to know. 

His father was the CEO of a large insurance company, and Killua didn't want a thing to do with it. He wanted to be free like his siblings Milluki, Kalluto, and Alluka who could be whatever they wanted. 

He was envious.

If only someone could change his life. If someone could pull him out of this hell hole that his parents dug out and forced him in, forced him to live by their rules and sit down at the cherrywood desk. Constantly and constantly till there wasn't a sheet of paper blank.

Illumi tilted his head at the white-haired boy, his brow creasing from annoyance. "What the hell interests you then, Killua?" He hissed out, and his dark inky irises grew even fiercer, challenging Killua to even speak a word.

And just like that, the question was ingrained into his brain. It was like every muscle in Killua's body ceased to function. His lips wouldn't part, his hands wouldn't twitch, and hell, even his brain had stopped working. Not a single retort could be made in that thick prideful skull of his, that was cracking and then shattering like it was just glass.

About the only thing working was the blood boiling beneath his skin, tingling with heat from the embarrassment and shame.

Illumi let out a spiteful snort, and Killua felt the white-hot, angry ball in his gut threaten to churn his insides into an uncomfortable sludge. He'd wish it'd melt through his stomach lining and flesh so he could just die right there, because what's the point in living when you can't do what you love or like?

"Exactly, there's nothing else for you. So shut your damn trap about the topic and get to work." Illumi snapped and yanked his arm to point at the piled assignments that laid in disarray ontop of the cherrywood desk. Killua grew frustrated, and once his nerves came back to him, he scuffed his heels into the vermillion rug.

He let his fingers card through his soft white locks over and over and over, with furrowed brows and frantic cerulean cat eyes that desperately looked around while his mind was in a conflicting state.

'What is it that I want to do?' 

He closed his eyes, eager to calm himself and ponder. Maybe Killua didn't know what he wanted just yet, but he already knew what he didn't desire. He parted his pink lips to speak.

"I haven't thought about it yet- okay? If I think about it I know I'll find something I want to do." He says lamely. But it's been years.

Illumi's face grew cold and unconvinced. He always did. It provoked Killua because no matter what, he couldn't win a single argument against his eldest brother. In silence, his pink bulbous nose sniffs against the rich cranberry scented wax candles on the desk, inside the home which no matter how big it was, he always somehow felt trapped.

A split second later, a hand lunged out and a clap landed against the pale cheek to which belonged to the white-haired boy. Illumi glared, his eyes narrowed while watching the red welt begin to form onto his flesh. 

"God, you complain about this shit every day! If you're so against working with father, then leave the house." He snarled, and Killua held his cheek in shock. The slap seemed to echo throughout the lonely house, empty, save for them both. 

Empty because his parents had temporarily gone deep into the concrete jungle for work just hours before, and his other siblings were in their prestigious schools.

The words and the lash of his claw-like fingers left Killua stunned. His feet couldn't move, and that let a gleeful satisfactory look to emerge on the taller's face.

"See? you fucking won't. You have nowhere to go. So stop bitching and whining and being selfish. What the hell does he even see in you?" Illumi laughed like tin, and Killua felt a familiar sensation of anger and broken pride. He clenched his fists tightly and cursed under his breath.

He wanted to desperately show his eldest brother how wrong he was. Because maybe, maybe he needed to stop waiting for someone. Maybe he needed to do shit himself.

Billions of petty emotions surged through him, and Killua began to step away to leave. 

"Fuck you. I will leave. Just to prove your ass wrong." He jeered and walked toward the door that leads out of his office room. His cheek was still stinging and it suffered a small cut from the edge of Illumi's sharp fingernails.

"Don't bother calling me to pick you up then," Illumi called after him in the center of the space, surrounded by bookshelves and cabinets with folders and papers. He casually folded his arms, his blue-green clothing draping off his body. He looked so sure of himself, and it only made Killua's heart race with even more bitter passion.

He flipped Illumi off before opening the door. 

"I won't need to anyway." He scowled and slammed the hatch shut behind him. The noise echoed and bounced against the walls of the modern plain white wallpaper.

Soon after, he snatched a car key as he walked out the main door, curse words followed by more, slipped out of his mouth in a mumbling string of frustration. The fresh-cut lawn grass, all neat and tidy just like the shrubs that lined the clean concrete, had him feeling all revolted from the repetitive 'nice things' he had. 

You can't be sad, they said. You have nice things. 

And from those words, Killua can't help but be doubtful sometimes and think 'are my problems valid? People would die to be in my position, wouldn't they?'

He'd stomped toward one of the many vehicles his dad owned and entered inside one of his red convertibles with a white bandana tied around the mirror. Killua shifted the key inside and gave it a turn before pulling out of the driveway and out onto the suburban roads. The wind tousling his silver hair as it tickled his pale ears and neck with the bright overcast sky overhead, cloudy due to it being just early in the autumn months.

'I don't need Mother.'

'I don't need Father.'

'I don't need Illumi.'

'I don't need a stranger.'

'I only need myself.'

'I'll show them.' he thought.

...On The Subway...

~*~

Killua left behind the red convertible once he found the nearest subway station.

The train wheels screeched, and inside the station, it roars against the steel rails. Little occasional bumps left one of Killua's hands to be occupied securely around the glistening metal pole. The muffled roar of the train almost sounded like that of an airplane taking off, but on an extremely smaller scale. 

He scrunched his face from the immense metallic smell that permeates the air. There were only a few others sitting upon the shiny plastic blue seats, the train not nearly as packed as it usually was during the morning and late evening when people go to and return from work. 

Not that he minded though, he was relieved to see the stations with much fewer people than he'd anticipated. Every thirty minutes, the train would halt to a temporary stop, and new faces would come in and sit a few seats away. They never stayed long, while Killua just waited and waited, listening to the scraping rails, and bouncing his knee in an unrhythmic pattern.

Mother had warned him about some parts of Chicago, but he didn't lend an ear. He didn't know what to look out for in this city, it was all so unfamiliar. All she said was something about avoiding the beggars, thugs, and punks. That's what she called them. But Killua wasn't even interested in what was said. Especially since it came out of her mouth specifically. The same one painted with the thick red paste of makeup.

He pulled out his phone and began to look at the time. An hour and a half had passed by, as he sat there on the blue seats extremely occupied with boredom. But nonetheless was it better than being back home. Whenever Illumi wasn't being unbearable to deal with, Mother and Father constantly argued. Even up in his capacious room in his old and new house, the yells could be heard throughout the walls of the huge space.

Illumi had said it's not as bad as it used to be. He's the only one mature enough to stop them from arguing. He said it'd been a lot worst years ago, and thinking back now, Killua believes he was right. As a child, Mother's face was always black and blue, and he'd just been too naive to realize at the moment. 

Every time he'd ask where she got those bruises from, she would say, 'Mother just fell down the stairs last night,' and Killua would accept it.

Suddenly his phone vibrated on his lap, and Killua's eyes fluttered down in response. He grabbed the device and turned it over to see a notification.

One new text from Ikalgo.

From Ikalgo: 'Hey baby, how's your day going? I miss you. :)'

The corner of Killua's mouth curled up in a wide smile from the text. Ikalgo didn't message him very often, and every time his name popped up on his screen, he had felt a burst of excitement.

Since he'd moved to Chicago, he was forced to leave his boyfriend behind in California. His family never even knew he was in a relationship, and he never planned on telling him. He couldn't tell them why he wanted to stay in California, so now he was heartbroken to leave behind the guy who was his first everything. 

To Ikalgo: 'My days could be better, I miss you too.' 

Killua typed out and pressed the blue arrow to send his message. He answered honestly but didn't elaborate. Ikalgo didn't need to get all worried. 

To Ikalgo: 'What're you up to at the moment?'

He hastily texted after the first message.

From Ikalgo: 'In bed, watching Netlfix.'

Killua grimaced from the dry conversation they were having so far, staring down at the screen on his phone until Ikalgo sent another text, but more unwelcoming.

From Ikalgo: 'Pics? ;)' 

His excitement quickly died down, and a bittersweet feeling of disappointment had his heart in its clutches. Killua paused, waited, reread the text, and felt a frown plaster itself on his face.

To Ikalgo: 'Sorry, I'm not really feeling that right now.'

He shut his phone off, and laid his head back against the subway's walls, waiting patiently for a little vibration to come from his phone in his pale hands. His heart feeling knotted, as his eyes zoned out, staring up at the yellow loopholes in the metal bars above, without a thought in mind of where he was and where he wanted to go.

'What interests you then, Killua?' Illumis words replayed itself in his head over and over. Maybe Ikalgo? But as shameful as Killua was to admit, Ikalgo didn't seem that important enough to be labeled in such a significant way. Sure he missed him very much, and sure his heart almost physically split in half when they parted, but the words would still sound weird on Killua's tongue if he were to have said them aloud. 

It just didn't sound... right.

Many minutes passed by and no other vibration came. Killua peered back down at his phone with another frown and the gloominess remained. It should've been expected. Since he'd moved, Ikalgo was pretty distant with the exception of wanting something. He had been starting to notice, and his mind was flooding with one too many dubious thoughts. He missed how Ikalgo was so sweet to him though. 

'Do you no longer love me?' 'Have you replaced me already?' 'Why're you so unresponsive at a time where I need to talk to you the most?'

Maybe he wasn't going to elaborate on shit, but talking to his most favorite person in the world would've certainly made him feel a bit better.

The questions remained left unanswered as Killua slipped his phone back into his black sleek pant pocket and rested his head back against the wall. Little glass beaded tears welled up upon the rim of his eyes as he crossed his arms.

Many more minutes passed and once Killua had grown sick of looking at the subway's blue row of seats, poles, and white walls, he stood up on his feet once the train came to a halting screeching stop. 

The doors opened, and Killua slipped out of the subway train door, without a clue to where he was headed.

...Present Time...

~*~

Yellow and red light.

When he eventually lifted his head up; glimpsing at the light of the gas station toward down the road, a cold unwanted shiver slid down the dip of his back along his spine. It was when he realized, the streets around him weren't what they seemed at all. They were nothing like the neat Hinsdale suburbs, quite frankly the opposite actually. He never liked those nice shrubs, houses, and crack-free pavement, but the dangerous-looking environment wasn't pleasing him either.

They didn't feel... safe. He felt many pairs of eyes on him, so his feet subconsciously picked up the pace, and walked faster and faster, toward the light of the gas station on the main street.

When dread and anxiety sunk into his flesh, he was frantically scanning the area around, the roads are broken and full of litter like broken green glass bottles, plastic chip bags, coke cans, and thrown out moldy cardboard which clogged the sewer drains. 

Unfriendly lamp-like eyes gleamed within the darkness in packs, people with baggy clothes, wooden bats and baseball caps, and melanin which ranged in so many different shades, though there were very few on the lesser side. Across the street, they gave Killua odd intimidating looks, eyeing him up and down, murmuring to each other, and It terrified him as the light of the gas station drew nearer.

The white-haired boy skipped across a broken asphalt road, scared to look behind as he felt the stares bore into him from the back of his head down to his calves, dressed in fine materialized clothing that enticed greed and envy. 

Suddenly, he felt very regretful about not changing his clothes before leaving. 

'Where am I?' he thought, frightened. 'Don't tell me this is the place Mother was talking about?' How could he be so stupid? To run around Chicago without a lick of knowledge. 

The only experience and knowledge he knew about the city were the high strong winds and the constant smell of the lake which tasted fishy on his tongue. His father purchased a tall tall building where all the skyscrapers were at, and that's why they moved in the first place. But here the structures were shorter and didn't lick at the clouds.

Killua stepped up onto the gray concrete pavement just before the gas station door to Shells, and he tried not to wince while noticing the abundance of big black scurry cockroaches eating away at plastic cups just below the curb.

He pushed the door open, just to be greeted with even more cold air, but it was still bright nonetheless. The door chimed as he entered inside, and a man, a black man to be specific, peered up at him from behind some dirty yellow-tinted magazines. His eyes, red and rheumy with little crinkles at the corners as he gave Killua a strange face. 

As soon as he stepped within the door, he suddenly realized just how thirsty he had become.

The cashier's sights followed his every movement as he walked past the counter to head toward the back where all the drinks were. He tried not to give it much thought, and since the door shut behind him the rapid beat of his heart began to slow down. 

He stood in front of the glass door and scanned through the transparency to look for a drink to quench his dryness. After wandering and walking around for so long, he almost couldn't help but drool at the sight of the crisp cold soda pop cans inside the fridges. 

He pulled the door open, his skin shivering against the unwanted blast of cold from the inside the cold box. Killua grabbed the red and white can of Coke and frequently switched it around in his palms to avoid the biting numbness. He shedded down the sleeve of his shirt so he could carry the drink in one hand covered in the silky fabric while the other dug into his back pocket for cash.

Killua's feet carried him back in front of the counter, where the cashier sat behind at on a stool, his hair grizzled and gray with age, and skin which was dark and rich in melanin. He looked up at Killua, eyeing him up and down behind his newspaper, before setting it aside.

Once the white-haired boy scavenged a five-dollar bill from the back of his pants, he set the drink down on the counter to which the black man scanned it and counted his total.

"Four dollars." He gruffed, his voice raggedy with a thick Chicago accent. Killua's jaw dropped at the price. He'd nearly doubled it than what it should have been.

He furrowed his brows in confusion. "Four dollars? For this?" 

"Four dollars." The man repeated, giving him a dead serious look. God damnit as if his day couldn't be any worst. He'd barely even brought much money or planned, he was too obsessed with just leaving. Now he feels stupid.

"But it said two-" Killua started but was abruptly cut-off.

"Four dollars. Buy it or leave it." The man slightly raised his voice, and Killua could tell he meant it. 

He stood there stunned until finally was he muttering a string of curse words under his breath while reluctantly giving the man his five-dollar-bill. 

He slipped the dollar into the cash register and grudgingly gave Killua one bill back who snatched it from his thick meaty fingers and stuffed it in his back pocket. He swiped the coke can off the counter and stalked out the gas station door, forgetting about the shady folks that lingered outside.

The chilly night air returned as he stood outside the gas station. Killua opened his drink with a fizz before bringing the cold pop up to his lips while his wispy bangs slightly swayed in the slight breeze. It would've been peaceful if not for the faint sound of gunshots crackling through the night air like firecrackers on the fourth of July. It was distant, maybe round a block or two away, and Killua flinched from the realization of the abrupt noises in the neighborhood. It caused thorns of fear to return and snake its tendrils around his heart and stomach.

The faint violent noises made him grow an overwhelming urge to slip back inside the gas station, until in the corner of his eye, he had noticed a group of thugs, raggedy as street cats who began to cross the road, heading toward Killua in their low baggy jeans and intimidating structures.

Immediately, his heart rate began to pick up as soon as he realized they were looking at him. He tossed his coke into the trash and began to move in the opposite direction; stepping off the curb and the pace of his strides growing faster and faster, as the fearful tendrils snaked around his organs tighter and tighter.

Killua moved down a street away from the main road, hoping to lose the group in the darkness away from the brighter streetlights. His hands frantically slipped into the seams of his back pocket to pull out his phone, and he looked back over his shoulder, his blood freezing ice-cold when they were genuinely.. following him.

The white-haired boy extracted out his phone as he passed the colorful graffiti on the stone-cold walls of the buildings, all colorful like the art beneath the bridges in Los Angeles. Voices were hollering out to him from the darkness behind, every so slowly gaining speed on him. 

And growing louder.

Killua went to his contacts; scrolling with shaky hands to find Illumi's name. Until it hit him. 

'Don't bother calling me to pick you up then.'

His eldest brother's words rang loud like a bell inside his brain, bouncing off the thick skull walls inside his head. Killua stared wide-eyed at the bright phone screen, but the pace of his walk didn't slow down in the slightest. He squeezed his eyes shut. His pride wouldn't allow him to do it. 

His ego wouldn't allow him to press the call button. Even with the shady folks coming, probably armed with bats and steel daggers. 

Instead, Killua grit his teeth and sent Illumi his location without context before slipping the phone back into his pocket, his self-esteem feeling bruised. He should've called the police- anyone, because their hoots were getting louder and louder, as Killua's feet carried him amongst the dark neighborhood streets lined with houses that were worn out and small.

He didn't know where he was until he came across a crosswalk with a green scuffed up sign that read 'Vincennes street.'

His legs began to burn.

And his heart sunk upon noticing something.

A group of people ahead of him on the other side of the road; four silhouettes in front of a small two-story brick house, with dark brown oak steps that lead up to the porch. The front lawn grass, tousled, and overgrown. There were as many weeds that made your ankles itch, as there were many shimmery stars in the sky. And there are three little elms just barely on the curve before the concrete sidewalk. The forms out front lean against their rusty bikes on the road, taking drags from their cigarettes which glow in the darkness. 

Laughter rang out in the air, the aluminum clang of beer cans hitting the street ground, and once Killua grew closer, the chuckles dissolved away until it was just silent.

He sucked in his breath, feeling their wild eyes on him as he tried to scurry past unnoticed.

'Look ahead Killua. Straight ahead.' He murmured under his breath, straining his cerulean globes forward to stare at the line of parked cars ahead.

"Hey, you." A honey-thick accented tongue called out from the other side of the asphalt road and Killua tensed up in his tracks from the mere voice.

The sound in his head telling him to keep moving went silent, and he slowly turned his head, cerulean blue ocean eyes, peered into amber ones, untamed like a frenzy of bees but sweet and soft like granular honey.

Killua's breath hitch, taking in the one particular figure that looked his age who'd called out to him. His features were distinguishable from the splash of moonlight that washed over the slope of his cheekbones and nose. Tan and light skin at the same time, assumably Mexican; or mixed, his lips plump and face angular with a bulbous nose much like Killua's own. But... he had a light sprinkle of freckles just a shade darker than his skin, his hair dark and spiky, even a tint of evergreen could be seen throughout the tip of the course strands on his scalp.

"You in trouble?" The slight golden undertoned skinned boy asked. Killua watched the stranger's eyes stray toward the group of upcoming men, and back to Killua. 

His tone of voice laced with just pure curiosity. And the sound, his speech by default, appeared like the rest of those who grew up in Chicago all their lives. 

Killua suddenly wanted to hear more of it. He wanted to hear more of this person's individual voice. Already naive, and captured by the charming sound.

And because he didn't know what else to do as his ankles burned from walking so far, he just nodded, his feet planted firmly to the ground. He itched to move and run, but he couldn't in this breathtaking boy's presence. This boy who was talking to him, as the men drew near.

The spiky-haired boy across the street raised his hand and beckoned Killua to cross the road and head towards him and the other three. "Come on over, they won't hurt you then." 

It took a moment for the words to register through his ears and sink into his skin. Killua hesitantly looked back over his shoulder, they weren't far away now, just around two houses away. He wouldn't be able to outrun them now. He was already so so tired from speed walking.

Killua glanced back to the boy's honeycomb-like eyes, and he'd never seen a pair of globes that had looked so welcoming before. So, he sucked in his breath before hesitantly trotting across the road, his legs feeling as flimsy as jelly. He watched the boy and the other three behind him with extreme caution, as he had no other choice but to hope they wouldn't pull a knife at his throat the second he got close. 

The others were much taller. One was the tallest with short brown hair and round glasses, the other with very dark skin wearing a white-spotted tank top, and the last had bushy messy eyebrows that licked at his hairline and fat lips.

The spiky-haired boy flicks his cigarette on the ground before stepping on it, and as Killua got closer, he murmured to him, "Wearing expensive clothes and flaunting your white hair around South Chicago? You're pretty much asking to be robbed."

Killua tensed up at his words before standing awkwardly behind them. If his pride hadn't already been obliterated, then it definitely was now. South Chicago, that was where Mother was talking about. He'd remembered it now, and even more dread seeped into his nerves, eliciting agitated twitches in his fingers from anxiety.

He felt like such a priss, just standing behind these strangers like a little damned mouse, hiding in a hole in the wall. Killua was fit, he was capable of defending himself, but these people clearly grew up with hardships and poverty all their lives, and were carrying weapons.

He'd seen it. The one in the back, carrying a large metal bat, and it was safe to assume little knives were hidden in the others, beneath those big sleeves and pockets, just waiting to be in somebody's neck.

The group of men (which he'd counted four) that we're following him, had strode up toward them, the glare in their eyes clearly displaying just how pissed off they were. 

"Are you fucking kidding me? This is the third time now." One of them hissed out, a tall and lanky fella with blonde combed slick back hair. 

The spiky-haired boy who stood in front of Killua just shrugged, his hands deep into the pockets of his rough worn-out plaid zipped down jacket, the inside is white, and the shirt underneath was a gray button-up. The way he dressed really was nothing special, but Killua's eyes couldn't wander away, already completely fascinated by every subtle movement he'd made.

"Hand him over, we had our eyes on him first." The blonde-haired man complained, yellow eyes like owl's but much smaller, narrowed and his hands visibly clenched to tighten into balls full of frustration. The hair on his brows was blonde, almost white, it gave off the illusion that they weren't even there.

Killua stifled down an angry noise in his throat from his words. They'd refer to him like he were just some stupid toy or object that some toddlers would fight over, and it offended him. But the tightly pursed lips on his face remained, as he knew that it was best to keep his trap shut. 

He was in no position to complain after all. Not with the soft clang of the metal bat, tapping against the street rock, serving as a dreading reminder.

The boy in front of Killua didn't move nor flinch when the blonde took another step forward, with three other men behind him in dirty baggy jeans and jackets, the back of their heads glowing from the light of the streetlight just across the road.

"No thank you, Phinks." He stated with a carefree grin, his feet glued to the strip of worn-out blacktop in means of making no effort of complying to the blonde who was so-called as Phinks. Killua swallowed harshly, feeling the weather through the fabric of his clothes.

It grew tense for a couple of moments, until Phinks furrowed his brows, his eyes sliding from the tanned boy, to his friends, to Killua's, and back to the boy. 

"Tch. Are you being serious right now Gon?" He lowly grumbled, his eyes sharply staring at his amber eyes, hard, without a blink. 

Killua snapped his head toward the blonde who spoke the boy's name.

'Gon.' He noted.

"Why do y'all insist on living this way?" Gon asked nonchalantly, an innocent look on his face to which didn't belong. Not when he was clearly built tough under those baggy clothes. Not when he'd clearly grown among these people. 

Phinks frowned and pointed at Killua, drawing his pointer figure from the tips of his hair, down to the soles of his feet. "Look at him. The clothes and hair. It's obvious." He stated and glimpsed sharply into Killua's cerulean orbs, who stood with a startled expression plastered on his face.

He didn't know who any of these people were, or why this so-called 'Gon' was helping at the moment. But from the way the thug Phinks talked, it definitely wasn't the first time.

"So what." He spoke so simply.

Killua was the only one caught off-guard by the simplicity of the boy's tone. 

The blonde let out a huff of frustration. "Don't you know how much that's worth? C'mon man, we all want to have nice things. Stop pretending to be a good guy and just hand him over."

Gon's hands slipped out of his jacket pockets, and from behind Killua could see them even under the night's shade. His fingers scarred and calloused, and peering up now, the other group seemed so hesitant to make a forceful move. He'd wondered why.

And he began to itch with curiosity.

"I do know what it's worth. Did you think that'd change anything?" The spiky-haired boy said slowly, his hands subtly twitching in irritation. His patience was visually and gradually running thinner and thinner. 

The blonde clutched his hair in frustration, the combed threads quickly becoming disarrayed with messy strands. "You're damned impossible to deal with," Phinks seethed through his teeth.

Gon bristled back, his nonchalant, casual gestures were growing harsher as time ticked on while Phinks and his friends stood there in a frustrated fit, kicking at the ground with glares on their faces.

"Leave then. My Aunt's sleeping inside and she wouldn't appreciate how obnoxiously loud you are." The boy directed, and all of a sudden the blonde's stance grew much colder. 

"I'm not giving up that easily," Phinks suddenly snarled while slowly slipping his hand into the pocket of his baggy rumpled jeans. Everybody tensed up, and from behind, Killua could notice a glint of steel pressed against Gon's wrist beneath the layers of clothes.

'Don't tell me they're going to fight..' Killua thought, his heart rate picking up at an alarming speed at the threatening atmosphere, and everybody's hostile demeanors, bristling stances, and hands that reached into their pockets.

Phinks and Gon coiled back like they were going to lunge out until a short man or boy (Killua couldn't tell) had slapped a firm hand onto the blonde's shoulder; snapping him out of his stance

"No, don't. It's not worth it." The short guy mumbled lowly, his hair black and parted down the middle, revealing pale skin and dead eyes with deep bags beneath. 

The blonde froze at the skim of his ghostly looking palm, and the short raven-haired fellow muttered again, "Let's be more careful next time, alright?" 

Killua had to strain his ears to just barely hear his quiet voice. He finally felt himself loosen up when Gon and Phinks finally relaxed, with no more signs of fighting.

Phinks began to back up, and turn away, but not without looking back over his shoulder at Gon with a threatening gleam in his eye. "Watch your back, asshole. There won't be a fourth time." 

He briefly pulled out a switchblade from his pant pocket and once he got his point across he slipped it back inside.

The spiky-haired boy just keeps silent and doesn't blink because he is unafraid. He just stares hard into their backs until they disappear a few houses down, vanishing from sight. And soon does he then turn to Killua, who flinches now that the center of attention was back on himself. 

Their orbs meet, and for a moment the white-haired boy's throat was caught in a knot and his voice wasn't able to muster a single word.

"T-thank you.." He finally murmured; his voice breaking and his heart almost practically skipped a beat while meeting Gon's bold amber gaze. 

They were so much softer than before, but still wild nonetheless. It was just silent with his lamp-like eyes subtly glowing in the dim. 

But the quiet was soon interrupted by the man with bushy eyebrows. "They're making good points you know. You could be getting Mito nice things if you did what they did." He barked up.

Their eyes pulled away from each other as Gon suddenly turned to the other and frowned. "She wouldn't like them if she knew how I'd got them." He said as his golden hand crept up to card through his spiky black hair.

Killua bit back the urge to ask about this 'Mito' but he'd already felt he'd bothered them enough and knew it wasn't much of his business.

"You said you'd stop interfering though. What'd you save him for? Cause he's looking pretty as a girl?" The tallest kidded and tittered as Gon swiped his fist out at him. Heat flooded the skin of Killua's cheeks at the silly comment.

"Shut it, you guys go home now." He scowled, but it wasn't with genuine malice as the force of his knuckles weren't rough at all on the taller's shoulder. 

And he didn't deny it.

The three kicked up their kickstands on the bike and one last tease came from the dark male in the white dusty tanktop, scuffed with little dirt marks and stains. "Tryna keep him to yourself, huh?" He snickered before mounting up on his bike.

Gon only rolled his eyes as the rest got on their rusty bikes and peddled away down on the fractured asphalt road, their snickering slowly fading the farther they went away. The only sound now was the buzz of crickets as Killua stood awkwardly on the side of the concrete, unsure of what to do or where to go because it was late out and he didn't dare to wander on his own after nearly been jumped.

"What's your name?" The spiky-haired boy suddenly and softly asked, and Killua's head snapped to turn at him after momentarily watching the folks vanish past the nearby houses.

"Killua." He says slow and cautious. Gon smiled, giving Killua a glimpse of those pearly whites. 

He already liked them. 

The boy turned toward his house, where not a single light inside was turned on. "You're lost, right? Clearly aren't from around here." He commented, kicking aside some beer cans as he walked up the weedy sidewalk to perch himself onto the gritty dark-brown porch stairs. The floorboards were swollen, and the bricks in some places were crumbling.

He sat and looked back at Killua, his chin perked up from the support of his palm and elbow propped onto a knee.

"Yeah.." The white-haired boy replied as he slowly stepped near the stairs, but made no attempt to let himself get comfortable so quickly with this stranger.

Even if he'd helped him. 

He wettened his lips to pause, letting the silence momentarily sink before hesitantly continuing, unsure of the possibility under his upcoming words.

"I think my brother is coming to pick me up though."

Gon hummed, his fingers curled against the bronze skin of his cheek. "Mmm? How long'll that be?" He questioned as he softly nibbled down on his plush bottom lip.

"We're uh from Hinsdale... so maybe an hour and a half," Killua replied quietly.

"It'll be a while then, yeah?" Gon grinned and patted the empty space beside him; beckoning the white-haired boy to sit down and wait beside him.

He reluctantly complied and sat next to Gon; instantly feeling fluttery butterflies inside his stomach.

A whiff of scents drifted into his nostrils from being in such close proximity to the attractive stranger who'd helped him. He'd mainly smelt like fresh laundry detergent, but also the faint musky scent of cigarette smoke, and spicy cinnamon. 

The white-haired boy subconsciously nibbled his own flushed lips, growing attached to the unique smell that he soon realized it could easily become something he'd be addicted to. 

"Again, really, thank you." Killua finally breathed out once again, as he fumbled with his hands in his lap. They were subtly pink and almost numb as he'd rubbed them against each other; eager for warmth.

"It's no problem." The spiky-haired boy answered simply, just like before. His eyes stayed peering forward in front of them at the opposing line of houses and cars.

Killua couldn't help but frown at this, his brows furrowed. "It's not a problem? They were going to pull a blade on you. A-and they made it clear they aren't going to let it go." He mumbled guiltily. It was his fault. If only he didn't leave home. If only he didn't insist on changing his own life. 

"You overestimate them you know." Gon suddenly snickered and gave the white-haired boy a cute smirk. He felt the butterflies grow in numbers, tickling the insides of his stomach. 

Seconds came by, and subconsciously, Killua's arms wrapped themselves around his own frame, slightly rubbing against his limbs in hopes to emit heat for himself. The amber swirling eyes observantly watched his movements and grew softer.

"You cold?" He asks and reaches his hand out.

Killua froze, as the warm calloused palm gently and momentarily wrapped itself around his own. His voice caught itself in his throat, as his tender fingers briefly rubbed his own delicate ones in means of just a mere test of how chilled he felt. 

"Y-yeah. I'll be fine though." Killua stuttered; a flare of heat burning and nipping at his skin even after Gon's warm hand began to leave his own. Immediately after his touch was gone, he'd for some reason yearned to feel the pad of his fingers again. The fingers of just this mere stranger that alarmingly attracted him.

Gon bit down on his slick thick lip. "Mm, I'll be right back. If someone is eye-in you funny just come inside." He says and gets up to retreat inside the house. 

"I'm not going to intrude," Killua replied.

Gon's footsteps recede farther away, and he calls out over his shoulder, "You wouldn't be intruding." 

And with that, he opened the door and disappeared around the dark corner inside, which was slightly visible because of it being screened and see-through.

The white-haired boy sitting on the porch steps alone felt the race of his heart slow down into one more steady and calm. The lingering heat stayed on his cheek and ears, as he brought his knees up and hugged them against his chest.

If he'd remembered correctly, Mother said everybody here was just a bunch of awful thugs and selfish folks. But if that was true, then who was this stranger that'd saved him with no personal gain?

Killua hugged his knees tighter, burrowing his red flushed nose into the fabrics on his knees. The golden boy had his mind in a messy whirl of thoughts. And it was dangerous. Dangerous to feel attracted so quickly, especially to someone he shouldn't even be drawn to in the first place. It was critical that Killua already liked the boy, just by his simple demeanor and surface-level personality that enticed him enough to the point that he was so curious to dive on in and discover more of it. 

He seemed sweet too. Killua liked that. He didn't get much sweetness throughout his life growing up. Ikalgo had barely much sweetness to share, and just even a little had Killua already unhealthily favoring him, destined to be hurt. Because perhaps he put too much value into Ikalgo's mildness. Perhaps he was doing the same now. This guy's just a good person. Didn't it happen two times already right? The blonde man said so. 

'I'm overthinking it.' 

He heaved a sigh and pulled out his phone from the pocket of his pants. His thumb pressed to the little button, revealing a bright screen to which he had to blink through.

One new text from Ikalgo.

From Ikalgo: 'Please? I love you so much.'

Tears threatened to spill over the edge of Killua's dark and curly lashes, as he looked at the phone screen. 

'Beg for something else. Talk to me. Don't ask for what just you want, consider how I feel. Please. Please. Please.' 

It's what he wanted. He begged within that dependent mind of his. But it wasn't what he was going to get. Crickets just continued to drone in the night air, and the rare occasion of a car driving past on the battered road. The engine humming all rusty and perhaps on the verge of shutting down. 

"Is that your lover?" Gon suddenly asked from behind, and Killua practically jumped in his place, slamming his phone down back into his pocket after realizing the screen was brightly displaying the text messages.

Killua's head jerked back up to see Gon's face which was full of pure curiosity. A baggy black jacket carried with one arm against his chest, while the other hand was preoccupied at his side, providing an old looking radio that looked scratched up.

"N-no. I don't have a lover." Killua hastily murmured, surprised at his own words used without hesitance. Ikalgo really did use to be everything to him. He believed he could change his life. But now, he was so unsure of how he felt anymore. 

The golden boy only replied by making a noise in acknowledgment as he set down the old radio and gently placed the jacket on Killua's shoulders. He stiffened, feeling it's clean heat as it must've just came out from the wash. It smelt like fresh laundry detergent, like Gon's, and he pulled it over himself to wear it correctly, relishing the newfound warmth against the chilly night. 

He liked it so much. 

Gon sat back down beside him, pulling out a pack of Malboro and a lighter from within those baggy jeans he wore. He picked one of the last remaining three in the box and brought it up to his mouth to hold. He shielded the flame of the lighter from the wind and lit the tobacco stick before breathing in the smoke and blowing it out.

Killua just watched, mesmerized. Until Gon glanced up at him, and Killua averted his azure orbs, feeling a gaze on his side profile. 

"You know, I'm curious about you." Gon murmurs as he leans back to mess with the radio. Static buzzes and hums came first, and then soft songs from the 90s began to play, not too loud nor quiet.

Songs filled with melancholy switched to gentle acoustic guitars and to soft rock and so on.

"Ask away then," Killua replied as simple as Gon seemed, watching as the golden-skinned boy was still twisting the silver clasp; switching through stations and songs, unable to make up his mind. Killua liked the way he looked so determined to find a tune. The way his cigarette barely clung to the edge of his mouth as he was tipped over.

Gon huffed; giving up, just letting a random song play. One sweet and unhappy at the same time.

He sat back up and turned to Killua to ask, "You're from Hinsdale, right? So you are rich. How'd you manage to get caught up in the shittiest part of Chicago?"

The white-haired boy couldn't help but softly chuckle at the words, feeling stupid of himself. 

"I'm not so sure myself. I just ran away from home to cool myself down and then the next thing I know I'm getting chased." He says as he let his finger subconsciously twirl around the string of the jacket. His mind winds back to just thirty minutes before, reliving the memories on a vivid reel of a film playing out behind his open eyes. The pounding of his heart, the burning in his ankle, and the fearful tendrils that snaked around his organs inside.

"Why'd you run away?" Gon softly murmurs, all his attention set on Killua. He felt alarmed, seeing how clearly intent Gon was on listening and was interested as to why he was drawn to know in the first place. Killua was a stranger. Someone he'd never see again, once his brother picked him up. 

The song played uninterrupted for a couple more seconds until Gon hastily continued. "You don't have to say anything, but I heard opening up to strangers helps a lot."

Killua looked down at shoes and scraped the soles of his feet against the pavement. He hadn't opened up to anyone before, but it's not like he had trouble with it or anything. He just wasn't sure if his problems were considered a luxury to the other or not. If it were even appropriate for a boy like Gon to hear when he lived in a crumbling house.

He carefully parted his pink lips to reply. "I don't think it's something you'd want to hear me complain about. You'll think of me as spoiled." 

Some foreign feeling inside Killua made him care. Care about what the other thought of him. It was a feeling, he didn't like. 

"I already do think that." Gon softly laughed, and Killua tensed up until the boy finished off once his laughter dwindled. "But that doesn't make your problems any less valid. I don't mind, just curious." He shrugged, taking another drag of his cigarette. The embers glowing and the ash slowly flaking off.

"If you insist," Killua mumbled in reply.

"My dads the CEO of an insurance company," he pauses for a moment and sucks in a good portion of air. "And my family has really high hopes for me to follow his footsteps."

He stared down at his fingers, fumbling with the cloth of the jacket, feelings Gon's senses on him. "I can't stand it though. Who wants their life planned out for them?" Killua murmurs and brings up his limbs over his knees, lowering his head behind the barricade of arms, letting his eyes rise up and watch the shimmery stars above.

"I don't have any real ideas I want to do with my life just yet, but, maybe traveling around the world with someone doesn't sound very bad." He sighed, taking in the dotted white clusters speckled on a navy blue canvas.

"But anyway, I had an argument with my brother earlier today. He said I didn't have the guts to leave, and now here I am... trying to change my own life." He laughs softly, short-lived as his voice quickly melts away and trails off. 

"I guess he was right because, in the end, my attempt was shit, and I texted him to pick me up. I don't want to go back into that house though... it's intoxicating." Killua mumbled the air around his words feel desolate and gloomy, the soft strumming static melody from the radio didn't make it much better either.

He slowly turned to glance at Gon, who met his eyes. An unreadable emotion pooling into his amber irises as he made a small subtle noise of acknowledgment.

"I see." He says and becomes quiet to think. His hands firmly in his lap, as his eyes strayed out to the night ahead, calculating and whipping up something to say. But Killua would've been fine with silence, so long as he didn't judge him. 

"I wouldn't feel discouraged to give up now..." Gon starts off slowly. "Even if you've strayed to the wrong place. You had the right idea before you left. Don't doubt it now, because you still have time to think about what you want to do."

Killua grew quiet, letting his words float into his ears and sink into his mind. He closed his eyes, the black curly feathery lashes fanned over his cheeks. And then, a new question piqued his interest. 

He murmured, "What do you want to do in life?" Hopeful to get an idea.

"I want to find my dad." Gon said smoothly, without a break or waver in his voice. Looking so sure and determined and Killua couldn't help but admire it.

"Oh." Was all he could muster. 

Gon was lucky, he knew what he wanted to do. He said so with no hesitation, and Killua relished it, he even felt a little envious. But maybe if he found out more about this stranger, he'd get his own idea of what he wanted to do.

Just maybe... if he stuck around this boy...

No.

Even if he wanted to, it couldn't happen. 

All his hope diminished. 

Gon hummed along with the radio's music, and Killua's ears relished his voice. The deep Chicago accent that sounded a little nasally. He wasn't singing, but it was soothing anyway. The white-haired boy stared down at his black shoes, just a little scuffed up from earlier.

Killua mulls over his Mother's words multiple times. The stranger beside him really was nothing like the stereotypes. Sure, at first glance, he got the wild eyes and hair, the clothes that rascals wear, but the scent was nice, his teeth were straight, and he appeared to be a good listener. Maybe there were more people like him. Maybe the media and Mother was just exaggerating.

He thinks and thinks until he feels gentle fingers that he'd felt before, run its thumb against a clump of silvery shiny hair. The sensation feeling nice...

Killua flinches and turns to Gon who quickly retracts his hand back with light pink dusted on those tanned freckled cheeks. Very faint, but his eyes caught the glow.

"Oh, sorry- It looked soft." He said, a little embarrassed as he rubbed the nape of his neck, with the cigarette still clinging from his lips. And Killua felt the flesh on his neck and ears turn red, the heat pooling beneath his skin, making him feel almost sunburnt.

"No it's- it's okay, I don't mind." He said quietly and turned away before Gon could catch a glimpse of his tomato ripened face. A string of inaudible curse words threatened to slip out of his mouth in the embarrassment of feeling in such a sensitive way that left him so unguarded.

Gon reached his hand back, and gently carded through the soft feathery strands, which glowed from the moon's light. Killua kept still on the outside, but within, his throat felt tight like wires were tied around his esophagus, and the thump in his ribcage pounded against his bones.

He liked it too much, and he felt scared to even breathe, like a mere breath of air would make this stranger pull away and with him his gentle hands. He was astonished as to how those scarred calloused palms could feel so caring, just doing something as little as feeling his exotic hair, all because he was curious.

He knew it wasn't much more than that, but the pounding in his heart, and the strawberry pink watercolors on his face, didn't subside in the slightest. 

"Your face is pink like a girl's now." Gon laughed, his faint fingers still sifting and untangling his white locks.

Killua squeezed his eyes shut, like the embarrassment would go away if he could no longer see. "Shut it." He said, flustered. 

Gon just lightly smiled, and Killua kept his eyes closed. It all felt so surreal. He didn't know what to expect after he left, but he certainly wouldn't have predicted being here on a porch, letting a stranger touch him.

It grew peaceful until a wave of warm minty breath washed over his ear, tickling his beet-red skin.

"Is that your brother?" Gon lowly whispered closely, and Killua's eyes snapped open. Sure enough, a familiar black and shiny SUV with dark tinted windows was parked in the middle of the street in front of the dark oak porch. 

Killua's eyes widened, as the familiar sibling with black silk-like hair, slammed the door open and stepped out of the vehicle. It revealed his green draping clothes and the pale dolly frame of Illumi, whose sunken eyes looked like they could kill as soon as he rested those tar pits upon Gon.

Killua scrambled up to his feet as his brother came forward and before he could even blink, Illumi's bony fingers had its clutches around the collar of Gon's shirt. The cigarette dropped from his mouth, and the clothes ruffled and wrinkled. 

But the spiky-haired boy didn't look scared. Not even while he faced my brother's dreadful anger. 

The white-haired boy broke out in a cold sweat, and his breath stutters-locked at his throat and unable to circulate as Illumi hisses out. "What are you doing with my little brother?"

Panic rises and falls in his chest. "He didn't do anything, he helped me!" Killua stuttered out loud, embarrassed by Illumi's behavior. His brother bristled, his height towered over Gon, like a skyscraper over a little huddled down cafe in the city.

"I saw him touching you right now. Listen here you little fucker I'll end your shit." He snarled, the grip on the boy's shirt growing tighter. Killua reached out to grab Illumi's arm, but he easily slapped his hand away with one that wasn't occupied in clasping the collar of Gon's shirt.

"I didn't have any bad intentions, sir, I'm sorry." Gon says respectfully, his hands in the air in hopes of convincing the taller. But Killua saw it. Anger quickly flashed by and instantly disappeared as he suppressed it. 

Illumi glared into his amber eyes, challenging him. Until seconds full of silence came by, he finally clicked his tongue and pushed Gon away, who caught himself on the steps.

"We're leaving right now," Illumi grumbles and grabs Killua's forearm, the fingers clasped tightly over the jacket on his skin. He felt embarrassment flush the nape of his neck, feeling Gon's eyes watch him as he is forced to step down the porch and after his brother toward the black SUV.

The white-haired boy opens the backseat car door and steals one last glance back up at the other boy. Their eyes, amber, and azure seemingly meet one last time before Killua goes inside with shame, and shuts the door behind himself.

The seats are black and leather, alongside the grippy rug which was also black.

He took a long look at Gon, who could no longer see him behind the dark shade of the window. Whose eyes that reminded Killua of hard caramel candy balls, were pooled with an unreadable emotion that he couldn't interpret. The car began to move, while strings of low curses left Illumi's lips who was in the driver's seat upfront.

"You'll never run away again. You hear me? Mother and Father know about this and you're grounded." He seethed through his teeth, scowling at Killua through the car mirror above. 

Not long after, the house and the boy on the porch disappeared from sight, and Killua snuggled deeper into the warm scented jacket, quiet, and scared to speak or talk back.

"I've met boys like that. Stay clear of them, Killua." he sighed bitterly, and instantly the words brought back memories to when Mother caught Illumi with another boy. It was too long ago, and Killua could barely remember his appearance, but he'd seen him once. He might've had red hair and pale skin, but he wasn't sure after so long.

"They're all good for nothing. Poor and improper like wild animals. A disgrace." Illumi continued with his grip on the driver's wheel dangerously tight, as he turned on a street corner. 

The words felt like they came from experience.

But Illumi was wrong. He didn't know Gon for long, but he wasn't like the rest. He could tell, his mannerisms, his smile, everything. 

"You're wrong. He was so kind, and he saved me." He opposed back and instantly looked away toward the window to avoid his brother's sharp gaze.

"That's what they do to lower your guard down. And then use your body."

He just keeps silent in the backseat, letting his head rest against the window where light pattering rain began to fall and hit the glass as they'd passed littered roads.

'Would he really do that? Well, not like it matters now.' 

As he gazed out the window at the night, he began to feel the familiar sadness and disappointment sink into his heart, and it weighs heavy on his bones. He really enjoyed the little time with the stranger. It was calming despite how the boy made his heartbeat pound erratically. 

But was it odd? He was the first person he'd opened up to. Not even Ikalgo knew. 

"I know you're gay by the way." Illumi suddenly says, quiet.

Killua perks up in his seat, mouth drops, horror displayed on his features. 

"W-what makes you think that?" He sputters out, trembling in his seat. No way he knows. He's just bluffing. Right? 

Nausea clawed at his stomach like a swirling beast.

"Your boyfriend back in California. I'm not stupid you know." He says, and dread seeps into his skin, down to his bones. He couldn't muster any words, as he slowly let himself sink back into the leather seat against the car door. 

He keeps soundless, feeling heavy guilt, to have forgotten about Ikalgo. He'd been too bound up in the situation, enjoying the moment a little too much. 

Illumi huffed, his eyes staying on the road ahead of him. "And that boy. He was looking at you like you were a piece of fresh meat. And you didn't even mind it."

"No." Killua grumbled, a deep unsettling pink spreading all over the bridge of his nose and slope of his cheekbones. 

"Deny it all you want. Well, doesn't change the fact you are in deep shit at home now."

That's right. 

Killua gulped and feels anxiety claw within- how the tendrils of thorns latch around his windpipe and squeeze. How a stone falls heavy into his abdomen and descends further and further with every passing second.

He shouldn't have been so wrapped up in the presence and instead had been worried about the kind of punishment he'd received once he got home.

~*~

The door moans as it swings shut, and pale skin feels raw and red, but no longer from blush. No longer from being in the presence of a charming guy. It was by Father's own hands, but it wasn't bad. At least he insisted that to anyone who saw.

"You're lucky I'm still letting you attend the dance at the manor next weekend, Killua." Called his mother from down the hallway. Her voice muffled behind the door. He ignored it, kept silent, and climbed into bed, crawling beneath the thick red velvety covers.

It still stung, but it wasn't bad. It's been like that since he can remember. It's normal, right? It's been a while since he'd felt the familiar stings though.

Killua burrows his face into his pillow. All the hits laid on his skin were forgotten, as other thoughts began to consume him. The boy sitting on the porch, smoking cigarettes and listening to songs on the radio. The baggy black jacket is worn, it still had its scent, and Killua relished it despite how faint it had become.

His heart ached, but very subtle. It wasn't heartbreak, it was almost indescribable. But he longed to see him again. He longed to know more about Gon, the mere stranger that Illumi claimed to be no good.

But he was interesting. Intriguing.

And under those covers, it felt like everything was holding its breath inside him.

'I know what I want now. I want to know him more.' 

'I want to know his age.'

'I want him to tell me his name. Hear it from his mouth.'

'I want to sit out at night, for the wind to freeze me up again, ruffle my hair just so he can give me another warm jacket that smells clean.'

'I want to be on that porch with that boy running his fingers through my locks.'

'That mere stranger, I like him.'

'I want to see him again.'

'But I'll never see him again, will I?'

'No one will allow it. The car keys have been hidden.'

'And I've gone mad.'

The thoughts burst out, some conflicting against one another in an argument between himself. Seemingly endless as Killua finally falls asleep in the sheets, just for his desire to chase him even in his slumber. 

That boy, appeared again, and again, and again every night. He wouldn't go away. Even once Killua forced himself to stop thinking of him. Even once he'd taken off the jacket and kept it underneath the bedframe. There he'd be once the mattress invited the white-haired boy to sleep. There he'd be, just like how Killua last seen him. 

Sitting on that dark porch, looking at him through the car window with a face that couldn't be read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Look out for PT 2 of the Vincennes Street chapter, it will be called The Last Dance. I'll post both parts together in a separate work once it's finished :) BTW I plan it to be really fucking sad so maybe not look out for it if you hate angst.)


	4. Happy Holidays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua finally comes to Whale Island for Christmas after barely ever acknowledging Gon since splitting up at the World Tree.

Wednesday 8:30 AM

Ceramic dishes clink against one another. Against the steel sink as a rush of water exits the faucet and coats porcelain in liquid, causing a shiny gleam to display itself. The soft golden hue of the sunrise barely peaks at the crest of the white hill and casts it's weak sun rays through the little screened window above the sink. 

It pools into the kitchen, lighting up its bright yellow painted walls and dark oak countertops, dressed with mugs and a fruit bowl that had some ripe apples and pears. There was also a fresh loaf of banana bread, that chilled on top of a cutting board. It produced a crisp and sweet aroma to swamp the little kitchen.

Today is just a Wednesday morning with Christmas just around the corner. Gon hums as he scrubs the leftover dishes with a gritty sponge, soaked to the core with soap. He's taller and his shoulders are far broader too. He's grown much since his adventures when he was twelve, and when he and his best friend separated at the World's Tallest Tree. 

They've exchanged a few emails over the years, but not as much as he would've liked. 

Maybe it was around three years ago, as Gon is now sixteen years old. His height wasn't the only thing that changed about him. His face structure appears much older, his demeanor isn't as childish, and over the years since he and Kite had reunited, Gon had slowly begun to mature and become less audacious.

Though, he still had plenty of childish and reckless spunk within him.

After Killua left with Alluka, he'd made the grown-up decision to finally come home to Mito, instead of continuing his risky adventure. She was thrilled to be able to see him grow up once again. 

Even then, memories of when he and Killua were together had constantly were flooded his mind. 

Gon sighs and stares at the dish in his hands, so clean it practically sparkled. There was a longing sensation that he was all too familiar with now. After three years of constantly feeling it, it was recognizable that he deeply missed his friend. 

He wants to see him so badly. But he is unsure if he'll come. Gon had emailed Killua every holiday, and he has never once shown up. He tried again this year for Christmas, but what he has learned from past experiences is; is that you shouldn't get your hopes up. 

He thinks it may have something to do with that day with the ants. Palm emailed him and told him of what happened at the palace, but he'd never been given a proper explanation as to... why? How was Killua feeling?

However, Gon glances up from his dish and gazes out the window in awe, watching the sea of snow curl over the horizon which meets the pink and orange sky, becoming more vibrant by the minute. Little flakes of snow dance in the morning light like whispy feathers, ever so slowly and gently falling to the ground. It's beautiful.

But there, just barely, and ever so slowly, peeking up from behind the hill, was a silhouette. 

He squints his eyes as if they were playing tricks on him, and the figure reaches the top of the hill. One figure so familiar it made Gon's heart burst and rattle against his ribcage with upcoming joy. One figure that Gon would have known anywhere, in any place, no matter how many years had passed.

Hair, whispy-white, swaying along with the wintry breeze and snow. He saw one mere second of it, before dropping his dishes into the sink with a loud clattering noise and bolting straight out the door. Not a care was given toward the fact that he still wore pajamas.

His feet carried him in a flurry down the porch steps, until he halted in his tracks on the thick blanket of white, marked by his footprints. His feet burn from the glacial touch of the ice, but he doesn't care. His hands are still wet and soapy, and they freeze against the cold air, becoming scarlet stained, but he still doesn't care. The figure slowly trudges down the road that's covered in snow, his eyes have yet to leave the ground.

'Killua.'

A male with white-hair reluctantly lifts his head from a big wooly scarf and abruptly freezes, his eyes widening as they meet with Gons. 

They met in a long, unblinking stare. 

Blue ocean eyes that whirled with so many different emotions, they were as pretty as he remembered. Gon's heart skitters in an irregular pattern, his breath, stuck in his throat as he takes in his best friend's features.

His cheekbones are higher and Killua has grown even taller and lither. His silver locks are just slightly longer since the last time he has seen him, and his hairs curl and lick at his earlobes and flushed cheeks, so vibrant against the sleet and clouds.

It was like every last drop of his almost disregarded feelings was pulled toward the first step of Gon's foot. In under a blink of an eye, he was running. He's running, covering the ground and closing distance between him and Killua in just a few mere seconds.

It wasn't long until Gon had his arms wrapped around the white-haired boy in a tender hug, his hands tan-pink and smelling like green apple dish soap. Everything within him had burst, just feeling the mass bundled up in his limbs, the same one he'd missed for years.

Salty tears threatened to overspill the rim of his eyes, but it only made them hurt more when the wind blew against them. So he squeezed them shut, along with his arms.

He felt Killua freeze under his embrace, but ever so slowly, his own hesitant pale hands hooked themselves under his arms, and Gon felt relieved, burrowing his face into the other's shoulder. He smelled sweet like milk, lavender, and chocorobos, the same since they'd split. That hasn't changed, Killua was still as beautiful as when he last left him.

He wasn't sure if he feared his old best friend changing or not. 

After a dozen seconds seemed to pass by, Gon finally pulled away, slow, like he didn't want to. He takes a small step back, taking just a fragile moment of silence to gaze back into Killua now that he was up close.

His eyelashes are longer, clumped with little snowflakes that glimmered like the stars at night. His moon-white skin is clearer and now he can barely breathe because he is so thoroughly stunned.

'He's beautiful.'

"Killua..." He starts breathlessly but trails off, his voice cracking like glass as he swallows a hard lump in his throat. He suppresses the urge to cup his cheeks because he really can't believe it, he can't believe that he's really here. 

'Why hasn't he visited sooner?'

"Hey... Gon." Killua replies quietly, and a sensation mulls in his chest upon hearing his voice for the first time in three years. It's deeper, and it's hoarse but... soft at the same time? 

Gon doesn't know what else to say, everything feels as fragile as dreams. You know the kind, dreams that are easily broken by a gentle nudge that pulls you away from the imagery in your slumber. He has so many questions, but his lips don't part, and he can't even speak. 

Is this.. is this even real? 

He stared deep into his eyes, studying every fleck and detail in them. Dark and light blues melted together like an Ombré as if they were a bunch of deep ocean waves that lapped over each other. Bits of white reminded him of the seafoam that unfurled onto the shores in the summer, and the speckles of black swam around like stirred up black sand in water.

He had already reflected over this scenario over a thousand times in his head. But here he really is. This wasn't his imagination after all. 

The white-haired boy averts his brilliant eyes, and behind him, Gon notices Alluka. She wore bright pink mittens and a heavy winter jacket, the hood stitched with fur. Gon felt his skin suddenly feel bare and cold, and so he looks down to remember that he wasn't dressed fit at all to be outside and that he was still in pajamas.

Alluka gives him a warm and amused smile, watching Gon as he rubbed his chilled limbs in an effort to warm himself up.

"Hey! We got your email and I managed to convince him to come. It's nice to see you." Alluka greets and steps up beside Killua, lightly jabbing him in the side, and he only flinches and grimaces from it.

Gon frowns. She had to convince him? 

"It's nice to see you guys too, It's really been so long." He replies back wholeheartedly, but his amber eyes; all clouded in confusion and curiosity, don't leave Killua.

He shivered, holding his gaze... until something remarkable happens.

Killua heaves a sigh and takes off his pimento-red scarf before stepping up to him to wrap the wooly fabric around his neck and shoulders. His nose tinted red like berries from a holly bush, which Gon wasn't sure if it was from the bitter cold or not. 

"There you go again like all those years ago. I see you haven't learned to take care of yourself." Killua murmurs softly, and it almost sounded a little grave. 

He swallowed tightly, taking in the bittersweet feeling of Killua's scarf around his shoulders, and the grave words that made him sound a little... solemn.

However, he didn't feel so chilly anymore, even though his limbs were as bare as they were just a moment before, being exposed to the wintry breeze. Something burst in his chest and warmed up every vein in his body just from the mere little gesture. 

"Thank you.." he whispers, entranced, and Alluka stepped forward with a knowing look on her face as she trudged through the vast sheath of snow that guided her all the way near the warm house. It'd been decorated and was covered in green and red lights as well as other Christmas accessories. Aunt Mito didn't hold back on holidays.

They began to walk back down the path in a particularly odd silence because not a single word could be mustered by any of them. It seemed to take too much courage that nobody had at the moment, and all Gon could do was nuzzle into the warm scarf that smelt like lavender, or he should say, Killua. 

Suddenly, the door swung open, revealing Aunt Mito with a snow shovel in her hands. She cried out at the sight of the Zoldycks and set down the shovel before skipping down to meet them at the foot of the steps.

"Goodness Killua, It's been so long since I've last seen you! You've grown so much." She smiles and admires his height who towers over everyone else. Gon can't help but feel a little envious. His tallness definitely surpassed his, and by quite a few inches.

Mito pulled Killua into a hug and he felt the corners of his mouth curl up. "I missed you, Aunt Mito," Killua murmurs and Mito comfortingly pats his back.

"I've missed you too, now.. how come you haven't come over for other holidays or even written to us?" She instantly demands to him sternly and pulls away, her hands making their way to her hips as she looks at Killua with raised suspicious brows.

For a moment, he looked like he was about to panic until Mito spotted Alluka and soon enough another big smile graced her lips, replacing her stern frown. 

"Oh! Who is this?" She asks excitedly and Gon watched as Killua visibly relaxed now that the subject was changed.

Alluka grins again, her charcoal-black hair spotted with white crystal flecks like powdered sugar. "I'm Alluka, Killua's little sister."

As Aunt Mito and Alluka exchange a few words, Gon restlessly shifts in his place, stealing a quick glance at his old friend just a few feet away from him. His amber eyes meet his for just only a brief second before Killua quickly looks away, his cheekbones turning pink and pretty.

"You guys must be exhausted, let's go inside I'll make breakfast," Mito announces and steps up the porch stairs. She kicked aside her shovel and opened the door, while everyone else followed inside, being immediately greeted with the warm fireplace and the pleasant smell of banana bread.

...

Gon yawns and picks at his sunny-yellow eggs and bacon, while occasionally glancing up to look at the white-haired male, who sits comfortably across the table next to his sister, his fingers laced on a warm mug filled with hot cocoa. 

The air was warm, and the food smelt delicious, but Gon couldn't find himself able to enjoy the breakfast. Instead, he pillowed his cheek onto his palm, his elbow propped up onto the table as his face looked uninterested at the meal.

He couldn't pay attention to anything else, as Aunt Mito and Alluka's voice seemed muffled and unintelligible as if he had a cork in his ear. It was presumably about whatever she had planned for Christmas dinner. A casserole was it..? Probably. That's how it was every year anyway.

His mind buzzes and hums with many questions that we're too afraid to escape his lips. Too many, he feared. But... this was the first time of seeing his best friend in person for years. He can't just interrogate him on his first day here, yet then again he can't waste time. 

They're likely to leave once Christmas was over. And any touchy subject he emailed Killua on, the question was immediately thrown off and he refused to answer it.

He heaves a hefty sigh, and digs a fork into the yolk, letting its fluid spill out over the ceramic plate. He'd normally devour his breakfast, but for some reason, he didn't really have the appetite this singular morning. 

Why? 

"Gon, how long are you just going to stare at your food?" Aunt Mito suddenly calls out particularly loud and consciousness comes to him slowly and fuzzily, like playing over a TV with static, before hitting him abruptly.

He perks up in his seat and looks to find everyone's attention on himself, their eyes pooling with concern. So hesitantly, he sets his fork down.

"Sorry Mito, I'm just not that hungry right now." Gon answers sheepishly, giving her a small smile. He tried his best to not give Killua a second glance, even though in the corner of his eye, he could see him staring contemplatively. It sort of made his palms feel a little bit clammy.

The orange-haired woman's cat eyes flit to the Zoldyck who sips from his mug, and then back to Gon as he swallows nervously. 

Did she already catch on?

Aunt Mito sighs, pinching her brows as she beckons out her hand. "Here give me your plate, I'll put it away for leftovers," She declares.

He nodded and reached across the table to hand it to her. 

"You two, go take a warm bath upstairs." She demands to the two Zoldycks who already finished, as she retrieves Gon's plate. Killua acknowledges her with a small nod and stacks his empty dish with Alluka's, before excusing himself out the room, already knowing the way from the last time he'd visited which had been years ago.

Gon watches them disappear upstairs as Mito scrapes his eggs and bacon into an empty Tupperware. 

"Do you know why he hasn't come over in the past years?" She suddenly comments now that they were gone overhead above the slightly swollen floorboards.

Gon shifts uncomfortably in his seat, his hands fumbling together in his lap.

"I don't know.." He confesses honestly as he raised his arms to rest them on the wooden countertop. Was it about what happened during the battle of the ants, or... something else? He never gave him any message of what he'd thought since they had split.

Mito stares at Gon in consideration, before heaving out a hefty sigh. "Go hurry up and get them some towels. Also... maybe try asking him some time, before you know, he disappears for another few years. You can't guarantee he'll join us next Christmas. Kid's distant right now."

Gon's heart wrenched at the thought. Killua wouldn't do that after this visit, would he? 

He can't even be certain. 

"You know, there's the Christmas Parade tomorrow. I'm sure you'll be good friends again." Mito suggests as she wipes her hands on a napkin, her words bringing him back out of his worrisome thoughts. 

A sense of nervousness creeps through Gon, but he doesn't say anything else as he nods and excuses himself from the table. Soon enough, while he left the dining room, the sound of Mito cleaning up the table could be heard behind him.

He opens up the wooden cabinet in the laundry room and takes out some warm clean cotton towels before escalating up the stairs. The sound of the shower running in the bathroom was audible but muffled behind the door.

He stops outside the restroom and sucks in a portion of air before knocking on the door, slightly loud enough to hear over the running water.

Seconds pass by, until the door slightly creaks open, followed by the sweet-deep voice that says, "Yes?" 

It's Killuas voice, and for a split second, Gon feels too hesitant to even speak. "I've got you guys some towels." He replies, as nonchalant as possible, but there, in his throat was an annoying lump and he'd fear his tongue would crack.

It was silent on the other end, before a pale and delicate looking hand slipped through the crack of the slightly opened door. Water ran down and dripped from the thin bones, and his palm faced upwards, beckoning Gon to give him the cloths. 

So, he reluctantly does, his eyes never leaving his slender hands that'd grown even more pretty over the years. Killua pulls in the towels and mutters a quick 'thank you' under his breath, before shutting the door behind him.

Gon exhaled the big portion of air he didn't even realize he was holding for so long. God, what was this weird tension between them already? 

He retreated back downstairs in a hurry and noticed Aunt Mito was already done with cleaning up the table, as the wood gleamed shiny and sanitized.

"You didn't finish the dishes, did you?" She asks, placing the stack of sticky plates from breakfast on the counter next to the sink, where other dishes still remained.

"I forgot, I was excited to see Killua." Gon confesses, standing before the table, his finger thrumming against the oak wood surface.

Aunt Mito smiles as she puts on her heavy winter coat. "Well come along and finish them now. I'm going out to shovel the snow off the pathway." she asserts, while slipping on some gloves.

"Okay, you sure you don't need any help?" He asks as Mito was just about to leave the front door.

"No, thanks though. Just focus on the dishes." The orange-haired woman calls back over her shoulder and shuts the door behind herself before Gon could respond.

He instead takes his place behind the sink once again, and glances out the window, watching Mito as she shovels up the snow and tosses it aside. The sky outside now appeared overcast. Any little warmth the sun had to offer was gone now, tucked behind the gray clouds.

Gon huffs, alone now, his head just like earlier that morning, was swamped with thoughts of Killua, who was now upstairs showering in his house. It was all pretty bizarre. Bizarre and normal at the same time.

It's also a tad bit awkward on some occasions, like at breakfast earlier when he felt too afraid to speak a word to Killua. But It's been years after all. It's normal right? There's nothing else right?

No.

Something else is iffy. It's there, his instincts tell him.

Would he disappear for a bunch of years once this Christmas was over? Would he be back to just occasionally emailing him, perhaps once every three months?

Gon bit down on his plush bottom lip. The awful feeling of pressure weighing heavily on his bones.

He has only four days, of course, he'd feel compelled. Aunt Mito's troubling words of 'before he disappears for another few years' really wasn't helping either. They rang in his head for a constant reminder since the very moment the words left her lips.

Are four days enough to get him to stay? To figure out what's been stopping him from visiting for years? Hell, will he even leave in the first place? Why did he cry in front of Palm that day?

Maybe he can talk about it. In an email, Killua can lay off Gon's questions all he wants. In-person it could be a different story.

Gon sighs as he thinks of it, scrubbing the newly dirty dishes from breakfast with the soapy sponge, he can't help but feel it's not enough. Like as if he wants... more.

'Am I greedy?' He thinks to himself guiltily, sniffing gently against the green apple cleanser.

...

Wednesday 5:56 PM

"Dinners ready!" Mito calls from downstairs, her voice loud enough to hear through the thin walls all around the house.

Gon took a glance down at the little black futon where the two Zoldycks laid at and watched as Alluka set down her phone and jumped off the cushion to head downstairs. She hummed blissfully, her thick long black hair practically draping behind her.

Killua however, remained still and Gon couldn't help but do the same, his limbs pinned to the mattress and unable to move. Maybe this could be where he can ask him... right? He'd been dying for hours, waiting impatiently as his curiosity slowly ate away at his insides.

"You guys coming?" Alluka pauses at the doorway, glancing back over her shoulder at Gon and Killua who both sat apart in silence, making no effort to get up just yet.

Gon peers over the bed frame to get a glimpse of the white male, whose hair is sticking out all weird, resembling stretched cotton balls. It must've dried all wrong after his shower.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a second," Killua says as he shifted on the blankets on the futon, and taps his phone quickly as if he were texting someone.

Texting someone...

He felt a pang of jealousy arose in his chest, and immediately guilt followed after. Who is he to assume? It could just be a relative or something.

But wait... Killua hates his relatives.

Alluka hummed in acknowledgment and the door shut behind her, and finally, Gon began to slide off the edge of his bed and onto his feet. His toes met with the soft carpet, but they don't take off towards the door. Instead, Gon's feet carried him toward Killua, who was just getting up to leave.

"Killua." Gon rustles out just behind him, his voice delicate and small, all his little confidence concentrated on getting the word out, instead of increasing his tongue's volume.

Killua turned and immediately took a frantic step back as Gon's breath practically washed over his now-flushed face.

"Geez, you're so close. What is it?" He asks dumbly while raising a hand to rub his cheek that was the color of pimento peppers, just like his scarf. The white-haired male rubbed it as if it'd make the obvious embarrassment disappear.

Gon doesn't like it. How lamely he pretends like he doesn't know what's up. He can see it in Killua's hesitant eyes, a knowing look that sees Gon throughout.

He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to build up his courage within. It feels like when he was a little kid, working up the bravery to jump into the shores in the wintertime. Now made his heart pound more intensely than ever, because the shores aren't water. It's Killua.

"Why haven't you come over in the last few years?" Gon finally asks slowly, the sound of his voice drawing heavy like syrup on his tongue. His voice isn't as candid as it used to be. It's deep while laced with something else, something that not even Gon wasn't even familiar with.

Killua's eyes immediately widen to the size of blue moons, and his little pink lips part but no sound comes out. It takes maybe a dozen seconds before he tries to manage.

"I.." He starts, but his voice breaks and dies on his tongue, and he is easily and abruptly interrupted by another.

"Gon, Killua! Hurry up the food's going to get cold!" Aunt Mito yells out again, and Gon cringed at the timing, his face turning into a grimace. 

Killua shut his mouth tightly and quickly began to turn.

"Wait-" Gon protests as he reaches his hand out to grab Killua's, but immediately the white-haired boy yanked it away and urgently slipped past him to hurry out.

"Sorry.." He mumbles back at Gon and disappears out the door, leaving him to stand in the center of the room, thoroughly dumbfounded with his mouth hanging.

His heartaches and writhes with cold waves that make him shudder with frustration and from the unfamiliar pain in his chest. Maybe he's a little too quick.

He curses quietly, alone to himself in the room, before following where Killua left out the door to quiet Mito's complaints of taking too long. God, he really hasn't matured after all.

Perhaps he grew too impatient.

...

Wednesday 9:46 PM

Gon stepped inside, the walls are glass and his body is bare. The luke-warm water pours from the showerhead, not too hot nor too cold. He rubs his skin with the black loofah until the flesh turns practically red, and then he typically sets in his cinnamon shampoo, as well as conditioner, before waiting a minute to rinse. 

He soon shuts off the water once all soap has vanished down the drain, before slipping out of the glass door and wrapping a firm towel around his waist. Quickly he dries off and slips on some pajamas, while immediately the collar grows wet from the water that drips from his hair.

Gon glances out the bathroom door, and exits out, softly sighing while tip-toeing down the hallway, careful to not wake up Mito who was possibly already asleep.

He carded his fingers through his wet hair, which hung over his forehead like bangs, as he'd passed each family photo in his house. The heater warms up his recently wet skin inside the cozy two-story home, and quietly he steps nearer toward the door to his room.

He pauses outside, before opening the door quietly, peeking a reluctant head inside to see the two Zoldycks on the futon in the corner of his room. Alluka's asleep and curled up in a ball as Killua's still awake, both of them lathered and bundled in Aunt Mito's handmade quilts. He glances up at him from his phone, staring for a good moment, his face brightened by the cool blue light emitting from the screen of his phone to which he holds in his lap. The Zoldyck wears blue pajamas that Aunt Mito gave him, while his legs dangle off the edge because of his height. 

Guilt overcomes Gon, seeing them on the little futon that could just barely fit the two. "You guys can take my bed. I'll sleep on the futon." He whispers in the dark of the room, just barely lit by the crescent moon's light pooling in from the window, and Killua's phone.

The other immediately shakes his head, a little too quickly. "No. It's fine." He rustles out and averts his eyes.

It's still awkward from earlier that day.

Gon furrows his brows, inviting the rest of his body in as he steps inside the room. "No you guys take the bed. Really." He persists. It's the least he could do for being so pushy already.

Killua opens his mouth to protest again, but he's quickly cut off by a soft groaning complaint from Alluka as she wakes up and rubs her aching back.

"Okay." He finally gives in, his voice quiet and resigned, and then he beckons Alluka to get up and move to Gon's bed. 

She grumbles and rubs her eyes tiredly, the knitted red blanket just barely slipping off her body. 

Gon watches as they slowly get up, and as Killua's about to take the comforter with him when Gon hastily adds, "I'll take the quilts if you want, my blankets are um warmer." 

Killua pauses for a moment, and in the dark, Gon could notice the light pink on his cheeks that'd he'd always seen when they were younger. It caused something warm to grasp his heart in a comforting lock, because of something so familiar.

He just faintly nods, and if Gon wasn't so observant then he probably wouldn't have caught it. The two Zoldycks made their way to the bed, slinking in the shadows until they met the edge, and Alluka easily slipped under the covers, but the white-haired male was more reluctant. 

Gon felt a small smile grace his lips as he notices him finally shifting under the blankets, turning on his side to look through his phone that illuminated his face.

He himself nears the little black futon with quilts piled onto it and crawls onto the cushions, the comforters slightly weighing down as he slipped under the blankets. 

He immediately sinks into it, his wet hair splays, and dries against the feathered pillow, and there's a lingering familiar scent that clings to where Killua slept, one sweet and soft like milk, but not nearly as musky. He smells a little like the shampoo that Gon usually uses too, and his cheeks grew warm at the thought.

Gon subconsciously burrows his face into the pillow, relishing its warmth and scent, especially from how placid it made him feel. However, dozens of minutes tick by, and he still cannot fall asleep. When he hears soft snores from the bed, he opens a lazy eye and glances to see the blue light of Killua's phone still on, signally he was still conscious, and that Alluka was the one blissfully snoring away.

"Killua?" Gon suddenly whispers loudly in the room, breaking its eery silence.

He doesn't get a reply right away, and his heart begins to pound, seemingly too loud for the quiet room. But eventually, a soft meek voice replied out, "Yes?" so soft like he could barely breathe. 

Gon's oxygen pretty much lost it's flow, just by hearing the other respond to him once again.

Carefully after summing up enough courage, he parts his lips to whisper, "Sorry for earlier, I'm happy you finally came to visit. I've missed you so much." 

After the words leave his lips, he finds himself holding his breath again. And when he's met with no reply and the light of Killua's phone shutting off, he finally lets it go with a wave of somberness washing over him. He just nestles harder into the cushions. The cushions that smelt of Killua, and cinnamon.

Slowly, sleep began to take over him in his now lethargic state, and barely, under Killua's breath, he could barely catch the words that made him grace his lips in a smile before sinking deep into slumber.

The words, 'I missed you too.'

...

Thursday 9:30 AM

Dishes and forks occasionally clink against each other as Mito sets down everybody's plates, all stacked with waffles that were lathered in rich butter and syrup. The breakfast aroma swamps the dining room, and everything feels warm and fuzzy from the crackling fire that heats up the house.

Gons appetite came back to him, and he easily devoured his plate. Something about those words last night gave him more confidence and hope for the day ahead of him. Maybe today will give him a good opportunity to bond with Killua again. They can't stay awkward forever, right? He was his first best friend.

"Why don't you boys go out fishing before the Christmas Parade? There's always some bass at the ponds and streams around this time of year." Aunt Mito suggests, looking back at Gon and Killua as she ambles towards the window, covered by shut blinds.

Gon watched from his chair as she lifted up the covers and peeked outside. "The sun's out as well, should be warm enough to have fun." She informs, smiling back at them, her face brightened up by the white blinding daylight outside.

Killua however, opened his mouth to object.

"What about Alluka?" He asks, setting his fork down next to the porcelain plate, while his eyes gently flit towards his sister who sits next to him and idly swings her feet under the oak wood table.

Aunt Mito pulls the blinds down and makes her way back towards the table. "You want to try knitting and sewing?" She asks Alluka, and immediately a grin is bound on the younger's face, just at the idea of something new.

"Only if I can make my big brother a pair of mittens." She giggles lightheartedly and Mito immediately joined in with her while nodding her head.

Gon stole a brief glance at Killua who didn't seem to have any more to protest. His expression grew unreadable.

"Alright, you two go get properly dressed upstairs. I'll make you some lunch to bring out. Be back before 7:00 PM okay?" She orders them as she begins to clean up the table.

Gon nods and stacks his empty sticky plate with Killua's before excusing himself out of the kitchen chair, the leg squeaking against the shiny polished wood floor.

The white-haired male got out of his chair as well and lead the way. They begin to trudge up the stairs, and Gon watches from behind, his eyes practically burning holes into the back of the other, and up to the nape of his neck where little white curls spring down and lick at.

They reach the end of the hall and Killua shoulders his way into the room. However, almost instantly once they're both inside, he grows still in the center of the space and curls his toes against the rug.

"What is it?" Gon asks from behind, halting abruptly in his tracks. Killua's shoulders look tense as he slowly turned to look at him in an awkward manner.

"Alluka and I forgot our luggage yesterday, I've only got these pajamas and my outfit from yesterday." He murmurs hesitantly, his voice timid, and Gon quickly remembers that his only pair of clothes were currently in the wash.

A faint smile makes his way on his lips and he walks towards the dresser. "Don't worry you can wear some of mine. We're almost the same size, right?" He says, looking up at Killua to confirm as he gets on his knees in front of the wooden dresser, the corners and paints slightly chipped off.

"I don't know, you're pretty short, Gon." Killua snickers and steps near him, practically towering over the other as he delved into the drawer. 

Gon laughs, pretending to be offended as his hands are still occupied amongst the clothes. "Well, at least my shoulders are broader than yours. You're like a tall girl."

The other mumbled a string of spiteful words under his breath and Gon didn't need to look to know that the other's face was as red as a ripe tomato.

He sighed and after a moment, his eyes finally caught sight of something that might actually fit the taller.

"Okay... maybe we aren't exactly the same size after all, but I've got a few oversized clothes." He says slowly and pulls out a big black turtleneck and baggy green pants, the material nice and warm against the snow.

He holds out the clothes for Killua to grab, who reluctantly takes it gently from his hands. "You still have your jacket, right?" Gon asks softly and begins to quickly find his own clothes.

"Yeah." The white-haired male behind him simply responds.

Once he had found his own outfit, tension began to settle in the air once again.

"O-okay. I'll just get dressed over here now." Gon mumbles awkwardly as he grabs his clothes and turns away to undress.

Killua just coughed stiffly and turned away as well. Not daring to speak a word.

The room grew eerily silent for a moment like both males were extremely hesitant.

After a seeming dozen seconds had passed by, Gon slowly began to pull up the hem of his itchy green pajama shirt, up and over his shoulders, his back and stomach feeling bare and cold. Soon enough behind him, there was the sound of clothes being stripped off, and a weird heat inside his stomach, a weird feeling that he wasn't sure he liked.

He paused before taking off his pants. And then he shut his eyes, and thoroughly breathed for a moment to ease the pounding in his chest before finally slipping them off and quickly putting on his own outfit, gray pants, and a plain and white wooly long sleeve.

Once he was dressed, he stilled, scared to move until the sound of clothes brushing against the skin was gone.

"A-are you done yet?" Gon asks aloud once he grew more confident, but he made no attempt to turn. He silently cursed at himself for the stupid stutter in his voice.

"Y-yeah." The other huffs breathlessly, and then finally Gon shifts to find that both of their cheeks had turned lush and rosy. The tension remained as Gon stared at Killua in his clothes, with something warm began stirring up in his chest.

"Let's go now," Killua grumbles nervously and makes his way towards the door. Gon stays quiet and follows behind, and soon enough they're downstairs and Mito is handing them a lunch basket and Ging's old fishing rod before they're stumbling outside in the cold seven-inch snow.

The weather is pretty beautiful for a day in Winter. The snow is thick and bitter, but the sky has very few cotton-ball clouds, and one blazing sun that warmed the two in a swath with it's rich and buttery rays. It brightens the world around them, causing the snow to immensely glow and sparkle as if it were mixed with glass shards.

Gon was slipping on his black mittens as they ambled toward the river that was located deep into the forest. The trees skinny and ashy-looking with not a single leaf on their bare branches. And instead of those beautiful leaves that appear in Spring, they're swallowed up with snow lumps that collect onto the rough bark. 

There were also some coniferous evergreens which looked like lush green feathers that fanned out from its trunks, collecting snowflakes like the brooms that pick up floor dust and speck its bristles.

The walk is silent until the sound of candy wrappers can be heard as Gon pulls out two minty candy canes from within the pocket of his dark green winter coat, in return, getting a weird side glance from the male whose hair is as white as a swan feathers and pearls.

He, of course, catches the brief look and gives him a smile that's warm enough to melt the Winter around them.

"I plucked these from our Christmas tree before we left. Want one?" He offers out, happily holding out one of the red and white candy canes. The tension from earlier was finally beginning to fade away and dissolve as if Gon's words and voice were acidic.

Killua just stares at it for a moment, and then hesitantly, he takes the offering. He peels off the plastic, and so does Gon, before popping the minty straight ends into their mouths as if it were a sucker.

The forest grew denser and soon enough, the bank of the river that leads up to the pond could be visible amongst the skinny trees. The water on the border of the river has frozen, but the ice is thin and mostly sleet, and in the middle, it's still alive and bubbling as it runs downhill. The lake ahead is vast but small enough to barely be considered a lake at all. Naked bushes reach out above the gushy water, hovering over from the slight diagonal shape of the hill they sat on.

"We don't have any worms you know," Killua informs through the candy cane in his mouth, his voice restricted.

Gon doesn't seem phased as he sets down his rod and gets on his knees. "That's why we'll dig them out." He cheers, chewing and swallowing the rest of his candy cane as he begins to cup his hands and dig into the snow.

"Aren't they hibernating or something?"

"Yeah, but they're only around six feet under. We can easily get them." He snickers, not really at Killua's lame question, but more of the nice memory when they trained in Greed Island. When they were digging up mountains like they were nothing, all because of nen. 

He couldn't exactly help but wonder how much stronger Killua had gotten without him. It kind of bends on his heart, especially since they promised to do everything together, but then again, it was Gon's fault so it's not like he can complain.

He watched as Killua's face twists into a grimace at the words of 'digging worms' but either way, he gets on his knees with Gon and shovels into the ground with his hands. 

Possibly a dozen seconds later, the dark rich brown skin of the Earth appears and Killua slips off a mitten and flexes his hand, and Gon watches as his shorter fingernails grow longer and sharper.

"Killua, won't your hand get cold?" Gon whines, wincing from seeing it exposed to the cold bitter air. 

The white-haired male smirks and rips his claw-like fingers into the cold soil. "It'll be fine, you know what I've been through. The cold is nothing compared to back then."

But as he rips up roots and dirt, overtime the chill slowly paints his fingertips pink, and worry clenches Gon's heart. Maybe it's because he wasn't the very same as years ago. When he didn't care about Killua's hands because he was so focused on victory in the dodgeball match. 

When the concern gradually came too much, Gon felt the need to intervene.

"Killua— I'll dig them out it's okay." Gon murmurs softly and reaches out to grab the other's hand. Killua's eyes widen and he quickly yanks it back in shock, falling back on his rump.

Gon's mouth lowers as his knees indent the snow beneath him. Snowflakes begin to fall from the sky, floating past Killua's frightenedly worried face, his skin blanched white while his breath came out in short heavy spurts.

After a few moments, his breathing eased down and the white-haired male gulped down a hard swallow.

"Dumbass, I could've accidentally cut you," Killua finally mumbles under his breath and sheathed his fingernails. He furrowed his brows to look fierce, but there was still evidently some hysterical concern pooling into those big beautiful blue eyes of his.

"Sorry," Gon murmurs sheepishly, a week grin finding itself on his face. He tries again, reaching his hand over to the other's now that his claws were away. Killua tensed up but didn't move. Gon reached much slower, before gently feeling the other's slender fingers through the fabric of his mittens.

Killua's breath audibly hitched, and immediately he looked away, his lips flushed and the vermillion stain on his cheeks was hard to miss with everything so white. Gon watched as a little crystal-like snowflake landed on his warm cheek and melted with ease.

He swallowed tightly, before squeezing the white-haired male's hand in hopes of warming it up, and immediately he had wished that his mittens were off so he could feel his own skin on Killua's. However, it didn't take long for his old best friend to pull his hand away and slip back on his glove.

Maybe he was babying him though, Killua was capable of many things and frostbite was practically nothing to him. Perhaps Gon wanted to show that he cared now.

"Thanks." Killua gruffs and turns away. "Dig up the worms yourself then if you're so worried about me."

Gon smiled and did just that. 

Once they had a handful of lively worms (which wouldn't be so lively for long), Gon had plucked one on a hook and cast the rod into the lake where the waters were far warmer, and where the bass would be swimming about.

He hands the rod's handle to Killua, and hums as he observes the scenery around them. The ice sparkles and the water ripples from the bobber that soundlessly floats, waiting for a tempted fish to snag and bite the hook beneath.

"This kind of brings back memories." Gon began, holding his breath. Killua beside him, holding the rod didn't respond. He turned to look at his dear friend, who only looked ahead, his blue eyes focused on the red float in the pond, but there, very subtly, his pink bottom lip slightly quivered. 

It was nice. He'd never imagined this would happen again two days ago. And he can't help but remember the last time they fished, on the giant tree's branch during the hot sticky summer. Not like he could ever forget in the first place.

He sighs, as his gaze wandered, even more, scouring the treeline and woodland. He watched until his eyes caught sight of the lush red. There, tucked under a fluffy pine tree, a bush full of prickly dark green leaves with pretty red berries in between.

"Wait here, I'm going to go get something." Gon orders Killua and trudges through the snow towards the holly that sat underneath the evergreens.

Killua in return only made a small noise in acknowledgment, his eyes set ahead of him.

Once Gon's feet halted in front of the bush, he bent down and picked up some fragile and bendy twigs beneath beside the trees. Perfect for weaving. He began to tie the wood, occasionally plucking some pretty red berry stems to weave in with. His fingers worked nimbly and quick, and he repeated the process, a crown beginning to form. He'd learn to weave from Mito over the years, and it took a lot of frustration and rage to get good at it. It required a lot of patience he didn't really have, but thankfully it taught him of it.

"Gon— I think one is hooked on." Killua suddenly and loudly calls back over his shoulder.

"Reel it in quickly," Gon instructs him, his voice lilted while his back faced the icy pond. He weaves the last bits in and grits his teeth at a spike that pricked him, but nonetheless was it finished.

"Which way? I forgot!" Killua yells his speech obviously on the verge of panicking as he pulled at the rod.

Gon hid the holly crown behind his back and quickly ran back towards Killua. "Quick! Reel it in forward!" He yelps.

Large bright gleaming blue scales appeared just under the surface, and Killua tugged harder. A big spiky purple dorsal fin arose and rippled the water, causing waves to lap at the sleet and ice on the bank. The giant fish hauled all its weight to one side and back to the other, attempting to break free.

However, they weren't boys anymore, and though it was definitely putting up a fight, it was clear that Killua was far stronger.

"It's the lord of the lake." Gon informs with a smile and begins to coach the taller. 

KIllua smirked triumphantly when it relaxed for a moment, and he yanked back on the rod. But there, as he did that, the fish lurched in the opposite direction, and a crackling noise erupted the air and soon enough the white-haired male fell back hard on his bottom.

The rod split in two. The handle is held in Killua's now shaky hands, and the other end was being dragged beneath the depths of the lake. 

"Fuck, I'm so sorry Gon.." Killua gasps out, catching his breath while slightly trembling. He had a look of despair flash on his face.

Gon frowned, but not at Killua. He stared off toward the water with a gentle pout on his face. "Damn old fishing pole. My fault, I knew it was getting rusty." He says sheepishly, before turning to offer his hand out to Killua who was still sitting back on the snow, his chest frequently heaving up and down.

Killua grits his teeth and doesn't make an attempt to reach for his hand. "It was Ging's wasn't it? Isn't it important to you?" 

For a second, Gon's taken back by his question.

But then the corners of his lips curl up warmly, as he bends down to grab his friend's hand. "No, it doesn't mean much to me anymore. It's okay."

'Not as much as you mean to me at least.'

The white-haired male didn't attempt to draw his hand back as the other pulled him back up to his feet. 

Gon forced himself to pry his fingers away with the other, once they stood firmly on their feet again, and Killua's breath was now calmer. The waves in the lake finally began to settle back down again, the giant fish have long gone beneath the surface.

He watched as Killua's eyes moved toward's his hand.

"What's that?" He suddenly asks, tilting his head as he looks down at the crown full of twigs and berries.

Gon froze up, forgetting it was in his hold, but eventually, he held it out to him. "Oh- I actually made this earlier. It's for you." He says meekly, rubbing the nape of his neck in nervousness.

Killua reddened and mumbled the word "dumbass" but received it anyway. His hands were gentle and careful to not break the fragile crown, and he reluctantly slid it securely over his white locks. The sparkling gleam in Gon's eyes only made the heating attack on his face become more prominent, causing the other to gently laugh. 

"Wow, I should have brought Mito's polaroid camera. You look so pretty with it." Gon nonchalantly blurts out without thinking. And when realization dawned upon, his blood ran cold, and his laughter dwindled in a mere second before his lips tightly squeezed shut. 

"Ah, sorry. Didn't mean to say that." He waved it off and quickly changed the subject, ignoring Killua's dead silence, and the heat that seized his own face. "We have a few hours left, I want to show you the island again. Been a while since you were last here y'know.. and everything looks a lot different in the Winter."

Gon feels himself ramble out the words in nervousness.

'Shit, I've fucked everything up haven't I?'

Killua stared for a moment until it looked like the words finally registered inside him.

"O-okay," He barely manages to croak out and Gon quickly turned to lead the way, avoiding any sort of possible confrontation.

He squeezes his eyes shut as he walks ahead, bitter embarrassment biting at his skin.

For the rest of the afternoon, he showed Killua around for the second time and didn't dare to mention anything about the compliment. Somewhere along the way, they had called Leorio and Kurapika to come for Christmas. He learned that Killua barely kept in touch with the two as well.

At least things could have gone worst. But still, Gon hasn't had the guts to talk to him about anything that's happened before those vacant years where he left his life. They acted as if nothing happened. Like nothing changed. 

He ought to bring it up again someday soon.

Before Saturday.

...

Thursday 7:24 PM

The fireplace sheds its last blistering crackles as it slowly dies to nothing more than ash and fading embers. The light gradually diminishes on the beige wallpaper that has little purple petunias on it, until it becomes fully dark with nothing but the shining Christmas tree, and the smell of burnt wood and hot cocoa in the kitchen.

"Warm up your cocoa and let's go." Aunt Mito ushers out by the front door as she slips on her heavy boots. She carries a Christmas paper pieced quilt in her hand, while the other is occupied with a sweet drink.

The microwave lets out a beep signally that whatever was inside was in fact done, and Killua opens the machine and pulls out a hot warm mug filled with hot chocolate, before slipping little sugary sweet marshmallows into the liquid, watching as it slowly dissolves.

Gon hums, leaning against the kitchen counters while Alluka puts in her mug and presses the timer button. 

"Leorio and Kurapika might come for Christmas." He tells Mito while lacing his fingers around his own hot cocoa, the design on the ceramic glass cup has a little reindeer on it with big red noses

The orange-haired woman sets her cup on the counter and slips on her heavy winter coat. "Oh yeah?" She says, "They're those other friends of yours you have talked about, right?"

Gon nods, even though he hasn't seen them in person for years. Leorio and Kurapika mainly exchanged conversations with him through email, and the blonde was more scarce with his replies than ever.

Alluka's mug finally finished warming up and they all gathered up to step outside, out onto the porch, and down the steps. Gon was automatically met with the surprisingly light wind, thinner than spider's silk. The night sky was a deep black with dotted glimmering stars that looked like snow that was frozen in place like they were all stuck in the sky, unable to feel gravity's pull. Or perhaps like a photograph.

Gon gazes out in the horizon spotting the red and green lights which could be seen from afar, down the hill where the town was celebrating. He pulled down his green scarf a little and puffed in the cold air, before blowing it back out, his breath pale against the numbing air.

They began to amble down the hill, and Gon walked alongside with Mito and Alluka, but as soon as he noticed Killua a few feet behind, he slowed down to meet the Zoldyck's pace.

"Hey." He murmurs softly and then takes a sip from his chocolate, his fingers feeling warm against the heated glass. Though they'd probably feel warmer if they were in the taller's possession.

Killua seemed highly interested in the ground in front of him. "Hey." He replies back, quieter.

Gon stared at his white cheekbone, the moonlight glinting off of them. He can't help but watch the way his thick black lashes fan and hover over his cheeks, while his white hair slightly sways from the shifting air.

"Did you have fun so far today?" He asks shyly, nibbling his full bottom lip while stuffing down the urge to caress the other's soft-looking face that glowed.

Several seconds passed by before Killua could respond, but eventually, he did very inaudibly.

"Yeah." Killua murmurs, his voice almost a hushed whisper. Gon just hums and takes another sip.

By the time they reached the town, practically every citizen there was crowding the sides of the main street's road, and the amber light of the street lamps spilled on the stone-paved streets. The shops that hugged the asphalt path were open with Christmas decorations that were hung up inside, and many trees decorated with glittery lush red ornaments and beautiful stars that sat on their tops. 

Many people had chairs out, as well as blankets over the cement sidewalks, while people that owned food carts wheeled about selling things like lightsabers and hot warm foods for the late winter evening.

"Let's sit over here," Mito declares and points to a little clearing on the sidewalk. She leads the way and then lays the quilt on the cement before sitting down onto the curb, Gon and the others joining next to her.

He stretched his neck out for a moment to stare down the road, seeing flashing lights and the sound of sirens on the other end, far enough to get up and walk around for a bit before they'd arrive.

He pulls back down and leans in against Killua's pink ear, his warm breath washing over the other's neck and temple. "I think we have a few minutes till it starts. Do you want to get some food with me?" He suggests, and his friend shivers and tenses up on the spot.

The white-haired male doesn't say anything, but he gets up, so Gon figured that was a yes.

"We'll be right back to get some food, will you guys want anything?" He asks the others before leaving.

Mito doesn't look up, but she responds. "Just get us whatever you guys are getting."

He nods and then leads the way through the crowd with Killua. After spotting a food stand near the crosswalk, crowded by hungry folks like bees are to flowers, he weaved through the bypassers to draw closer. The sirens far off down the road blare and more lights flash while faint Christmas music could be heard from inside the stores.

Once they are there, they stand off to the side now that the menu is close enough to read. The air around the cart wafts with the scent of cinnamon, nachos, and other greasy foods that they served. Everything was displayed in a crumbly white on the blackboard nailed to the front.

"What do you want to get?" Killua asks, tilting his head at him while his wavy white hair curls and licks around his cheeks.

Gon hums, scouring the menu for a good moment before finally settling with something. "Let's get churros. I've had them at the last Christmas parade. They're really good."

The Zoldyck just makes a small noise in acknowledgment of his words and they step in the small line.

They ordered and a good five minutes passed before the churros were finally made, looking crunchy and wrapped in thin paper, while dappled with sugar like snow. They begin to head back toward where Aunt Mito and Alluka awaited on the curb, sitting on the paper-pieced quilt.

"Try one?" Gon offers while he's side by side with the Zoldyck. His hand itched to maybe try and reach for his, but he thought better and forced it to remain by his own side.

Killua rolled his eyes. "I've had churros before you know. I already know what they taste like." He says and snorts, light, and airy.

Gon snickers. "Yeah, but you haven't had these ones," he presses, his eyes lighting up when Killua finally takes one of the sticks and brings it up forth to his plush mouth.

Gon watched as he bit into it, chewed, and swallowed down the sugar-sweet cinnamon stick. "How is it?" he asks, tilting his head.

A rare smile graces Killua's face and a sensation mulled within Gon's chest, seeing his colored pink lips joyfully curl up.

"It's pretty good, thanks." The white-haired male remarks. Gon was about to keep walking until he realized something. He pauses in his tracks, causing the other to halt as well.

Killua gave him a weird look, and Gon sighs trying to breathe out the words as casually as possible. "I'm going to go get some presents for tomorrow." He suddenly announces, ignoring the other people around them.

The white-haired male in front of him tensed up, looking back over his shoulder at the curb before meeting Gon's amber gaze again. "Are you getting something for Mito?" He asks, his voice is just a tad bit meek.

Gon slowly nods, even though it is sort of a lie. But now was the perfect opportunity.

"Oh. Okay, I'll meet you back with the others then..." Killua says slowly, his hands slowly leaving his stuffed pockets.

Gon smiles, and hands him the churros. "Thanks, I won't take long." And with that, he quickly turns and disappears into the crowd. Hopefully, it wasn't too abrupt. But maybe he could get something for Killua, Mito, and Alluka before the parade started.

...

Gon leaves the store, greeting the winter wind as he strolled back out on the sidewalk. He began proceeding his way back towards the others, just as a line of cars with fancy decorations were driving down the main road. He finally caught a glimpse of Killua's back on the curb and ambled toward him with the heavy plastic bag in his hand.

"You made it just in time," Killua says, just barely loud enough over the honking of horns. Gon sat down next to him, nodding and then resting the bag on the cement.

Killua curiously glances over, his arms caging over his frame. "Your bag looks big. What'd you get?" 

Gon made sure the bag was tied shut. "You'll see tomorrow." He smiles and doesn't let the Zoldyck glimpse for long.

The white-haired male just made a brief 'hmph' noise and gazed back out on the road before them. His eyes scouring over the Christmas decorations on the cars, which ranged from stickers to paints, bells, and lights. 

The cars passed by and it didn't take long at all for the main street to be crowded with folks all dressed nicely, carrying flags and wearing Santa hats, marching down like they were in the army, but of course, it was nothing as grave as that. It went down to big trucks with flashing red and green lights with teens in the back, giving big smiles and waves while tossing out mini mint candy-canes and chocolate kisses.

Music played, people skipped on the street, and little bits of snow gently drifted down from the sky. Building upon everyone's wooly scarves.

Gon shifted to glance at Killua, his face smooth, lightened up by the pretty lights, all beautiful and dancing along with his features. He huffed out in awe, his breath coming out pale as he blinked thoughtfully. Captivated by the soft white dust that sat heavily on Killua's thick black eyelashes. For a moment he'd wondered what the other would do if he interlaced his fingers with him because that's what every muscle in his body was screaming at him to do. 

Until it hit him that, this was just the second day. He had fun, and he thinks Killua did too. But it doesn't make him his obviously. It's been the second day they've seen each other since they were just thirteen!

It's wrong. Even if...

Even if he'd always had these feelings. 

God it's painful, isn't it?

His eyes flit back toward the hard and cold pavement, biting down on his lip, trying to control himself, and the overwhelming guilt that strained his throat. For a second, he felt the rim of his eyes grow wet until something gently prodded into his rib.

"Hey," Killua's voice softly spoke out, and he bumped him in the side with his elbow, causing Gon to quickly perk up.

"Why're you looking at the ground? Look up, it's nice isn't it?" The Zoldyck smiles, his face appearing shone with the lights, and everything inside Gon melts. He grins back, stealing one long glance at the white-haired male before going back to watching the parade again, feeling much better than a moment before.

It went on for at least an hour and a half, floats with lovely snowmen on top, and pretty lights, and pretty Killua who sat next to him. It was all just flashy cars and songs that blasted out into the chilly night air, and once the sound of the sirens and music dissolved and disappeared, everyone began to stand and clean up. 

"It's over now, we're heading home," Mito announces over the sound of bustling people talking and walking around to leave.

Gon stretched his limbs, eradicating the tension in his legs. Mito and the two Zoldycks got to their feet, and his aunt began to pick up their trash and quilt.

Alluka heaved a yawn, and her brother came up to sift his fingers in her thick black locks. "Hey, you sleepy?" He asks, and she nods, another yawn following through.

Mito folded the quilt and tucked it under her arm, and soon enough they were quickly leaving the town and were walking back toward's Mito house which sat peacefully on top of the snowy hill. The air around them sprinkled with white like powdered sugar and clung to their warm skin to melt, and it clung to their hair to stay.

Gon stepped up the porch, opening it as he began to tear off his jacket and kick off his shoes, his actions followed by everyone else once they got inside the toasty warm environment.

"Alluka, are you going to sleep early tonight?" Mito questions in the middle of removing her heavy clothes.

"Thinkin' about it." She replies sleepily, rubbing her tired eyes with the back of her knuckle.

"I'm going to set a Christmas movie in the living room for the boys then go to bed. Don't stay up too late everyone." Mito announces as she turns on the light, the amber bulb flickers on, and it lights the dining room, reflecting the brightness off against the shiny wooden table.

"Well, suppose a Christmas movie sounds nice right now." The younger Zoldyck sheepishly smiles, rubbing her fingers through her ink-black locks.

"Change into something more suitable then, I'll go put it on right now," Mito orders, and disappears around the corner that leads to the living room. 

Killua didn't have time to protest before he was strung along by his sister's grasp, being dragged upstairs to quickly change into comfortable sleep attire. Gon followed behind, and they all changed. Not long after, everybody was back to tumbling down the stairs in comfortable clothing, just in time to jump onto the couch and sink into its cushions. 

Gon swallows hard, his body melting against the couch pillow right next to Killua. The other didn't protest at all, and the spiky-haired male felt relieved watching as the Zoldyck sunk underneath the blanket with Alluka on his other side.

"How does Rudolph or Frosty the Snowman sound? Maybe perhaps The Night Before Christmas?" The orange-haired woman suggests while reading and messing around with DVD discs in her warm hands.

Gon turned to glance at the two Zoldycks. "You guys pick," he cheers once they looked at him with expectancy.

"Night before Christmas," Alluka murmurs, letting the blankets smother her from head to toe. 

Mito grabbed the disc and put it in the projector, and then refueled the heated fireplace. 

"Don't stay up too long after the movie. Christmas is tomorrow," She reminds them and then disappears upstairs to go to bed.

The TV screen projects the movie, and the Christmas tree's lights glide along with the wallpaper. The fire crackled, it's glowing embers flying and staying within the brick, quickly turning wood into ash and making everything feel all warm and fuzzy.

The movie was playing, but already Gon had trouble paying attention to it, as his eyes frequently drifted to glance at his old friend beside him, his hand feeling empty.

Killua is here, but he's only momentarily sitting beside him. Is it enough? How long will this last? 

His palms began to grow sweaty, and his heart begins to pound. Killua's hand wasn't far from his. Would it be okay?

Gon bit down on his trembling bottom lip. Possibly hard enough to break the skin as a weird metallic taste hit the tip of his tongue. He clenched his fist beneath the blanket. Maybe he should play it safe after all. 

"Gon? Are you okay?" Killua suddenly whispers, low enough for Alluka's attention to not be diverted from the TV screen.

Gon tensed, turning to look at him, and his ocean eyes were pooled with a flurry of worried emotions, so large in the dark that was just barely lit by a dim fire and tv light. He swallowed a hard lump in his throat, before managing to croak out, "Can I hold your hand?"

It was quiet, so quiet he at first wasn't sure if Killua was able to hear his words. But it was clear when he did when his breathing momentarily stopped and his spectacular blue eyes widened to those of moons.

When he didn't respond and instead turned to look back at the movie, Gon felt his heart slightly sink in his chest.

He squeezed his eyes shut, until, cold slender fingers cautiously slipped around his own hand under the blanket. A small gasp escapes his lips and he turns to look back at Killua, who still didn't turn to meet his eyes anymore. But his cheeks were obviously flaring with heat, while his fingers intertwined his own.

All his worries, thoughts, and anxiety were pulled away in an instant. Gon smiled, at the cold touch.

This was enough. This was all he needed for now. 

...

Friday 8:00 AM

Christmas!

The early sun cast its rays inside the bedroom window and gently strokes Gon's face, pulling him out of his slumber. He groggily awakens in a tired state, sitting up in his bed, just to find that he wants to sink back into the black futon.

The tan male yawns, stretching his limbs over his head, blinking a few times, and glancing up at the bed to see Killua just barely stirring up as well.

"Merry Christmas," Gon murmurs sleepily, rubbing away at the fuzzy blur in his eyes with the back of his knuckle, just so he could see the Zoldyck more clearly. His hand still tingled with the sensation of the other male's fingers, and it was something we weren't sure he'd ever forget.

Immediately Killua's cheeks turned pink, and he quickly mumbled 'Merry Christmas' back and then turned to nudge Alluka awake.

Gon smiled and shifted to gaze out the window. It's a gentle snowy day, just like yesterday. No more snow was falling, the sky bright blue and the clouds were pillowy and pretty like Killua's morning hair too.

He could only imagine what awaited them downstairs. Maybe stockings full of candy, some presents under the Christmas tree with flashy ornaments, and beautiful multicolored lights. He was happy. There were bells inside his heart, ringing loudly to sing out the joy he felt. Christmas is great, but he wouldn't have felt this content during this special morning if Killua wasn't here.

He yawned and began to slip out of the futon to get ready for the day ahead of him.

...

The faucet turns on, and the water pours down, splashing the sink bowl and seeping down the drain. Gon runs his toothbrush under the running water, and Killua does the same before turning it off and then scrubbing his pearly-white teeth.

The spiky-haired male jumped up on the bathroom counter, sitting on the edge with, his back facing the mirror, grimacing at the bitter taste of mint in his mouth.

"When you think Leorio and Kurapika are going to arrive?" Gon ponders aloud, gently kicking his feet in the air on the edge of the counter.

Killua who was brushing his teeth in a circular motion pauses to shrug. He pulled the brush out and quickly spat out a glob of excess toothpaste mixed with saliva into the sink bowl.

"The last time they texted me was just only ten minutes ago. They said they'd be here in thirty minutes." He finally replies and plops the toothbrush back in his mouth.

Gon hums, his own brush hanging off the edge of his lips. "So, did you get me anything?" He grins, practically blinding enough to make the Zoldyck avert his gaze.

"Maybe. It's a secret." He puffs out, keeping his response short and vague. 

Gon pouts and leans back against the mirror, his head tilting up the bathroom ceiling. "I got you something last night." He murmurs and stares at Killua fondly. How could he not? When everyone moved upstairs to sleep last night, he'd quickly wrapped up the gifts he bought on the living room floor.

Killua momentarily freezes, meeting his amber eyes. "Really, what'd you get me?" He asks carefully.

Gon's lips curled into a smirk.

"'It's a secret.'" he quotes, raising his fingers to emphasize. "Guess you won't find out till tonight." Gon snickers and then jumps off the counter to properly rinse the toothpaste in his mouth.

Killua makes a noise of complaint and then spits out the rest of the mint wash.

Gon cleaned his toothbrush and placed it back in its cup. "Let's go hurry up and look downstairs." He urged impatiently, eyes shining bright with excitement. Mito didn't let them open their presents early, but the stockings were always up for grabs.

He immediately grabbed the wrist of the other once he was done and then bolted out the door, dragging him along childishly as if they were twelve years old again. Behind him, he could hear the Zoldyck let an amused laugh trickle past his lips.

They jumped down the stairs, skipping a flight of steps and landing on the coarse carpet below. Both ran into the living room to find Mito sitting on the couch with furrowed brows and a coffee mug in her hand. Alluka was beside her, her eyes fixated on the TV screen.

"Oi, the presents aren't going anywhere." She sighed, setting her mug on top of the mini table next to her. "We're not opening them till tonight anyways." 

"I know! I just wanted to take a look." Gon titters and his amber eyes flit toward under the Christmas tree. Just like he predicted, there were a few wrapped presents. Two of those included his gift to Aunt Mito, Alluka, and Killua. The fireplace was on like always, keeping the house nice and toasty from the cold chilly weather outside.

On top of it was the red stocking hanging from a nail just above the brick. There was a stocking for Gon and the two Zoldycks. However, Gon's was the only one who had the first letter of his name printed large in gold on the red stocking, labeling 'G'. There other two didn't have any special letters on it. He already knew it was for Killua and Alluka though.

"Can we open our stockings?" Gon looks back at Mito and asks, waiting for permission.

She nods and beams a grin before taking a sip of her mug. Alluka jumped off the couch and joined Gon and Killua near the fireplace.

"Killua, I believe yours is next to Gon's." Mito called out from the couch, and there, just beside the stocking with the letter 'G' on it, was one of the no-named ones. Killua gently unhooked it off the nail, and Gon couldn't help but catch the way his lip quivered with happiness.

"Have you had a stocking before? I don't ever recall really celebrating Christmas when we were together." Gon murmurs to him, and Killua turns with a small but genuine smile.

"No," He admitted. He turned to Mito, facing the two as he parted his lips to express his gratitude. "Thank you, we appreciate it a lot." He chuckles at Alluka's shining blue eyes that peered in the stocking with excitement.

"Of course. Can never get too old for Stockings." Mito cheers, lifting her hand to emphasize the action.

Gon laughed and peeked inside the red sock. He was about to compare his candy with Killua's when the door suddenly rang, obliterating the quiet silence that only filled with the sound of rummaged candy wrappers.

"Oh, I think that might be Leorio and Kurapika," Gon yells and saunters off to the front door. He opened the oak wood door, inviting in a blast of a slight breeze from the cold outside.

Sure enough, in heavy winter coats and scarfs, were the familiar two that he hadn't seen in a while. Leorio and Kurapika. He didn't invite them on other holidays, but now that Killua was here, it seemed appropriate to get everyone back together again. Leorio was carrying a big wine bottle in his arms, while Kurapika carried a box of truffles.

Leorio gasps and pulls Gon into a tight hug, the wine bottle barely clinging from his fingers. "Hey, buddy! You've grown so much!" 

Kurapika stepped up from behind him, nodding in agreement.

"And you still look the same, you old man." Killua's snickering voice popped up from behind and the tall male pulls away from his embrace with Gon and pretends to be offended with an angry scowl on his face.

"And you're still a brat, aren't you?" Leorio chuckles and steps inside to pull Killua into a hug as well.

"Hey Kurapika, I'm glad you were able to end up making it." Gon says, taking in the blonde, he looked a little exhausted. His shoulders were a little slumped and it was noticeable there were bags under his eyes. Gon ignored it and stepped aside, letting Kurapika in.

"Yeah, it's been too long. Leorio's right, you guys have grown so much." The blonde comments with a grin, and takes off his boots and heavy clothing, making sure to not get too much snow inside.

"Is that Leorio and Kurapika?" Mito's loud voice called from the living room. Gon watched as she emerged into the dining room, a friendly smile gracing her features as she went to immediately greet the guest. 

"Yeah, you must be Ms. Freecss!" Leorio approached, a big charismatic grin on his face. 

"Please, call me Mito." The orange-haired woman laughs, greeting the two other adults.

The two held out their gifts to her, sheepish looks on their faces.

"Sorry, wasn't sure what to get you all. It's really great to meet you."

Mito smiled and took the gifts into her arms.

As they chattered to each other, talking about plans for the day and what room they could spend the night in, Gon turned to Killua, glancing at the faint smile on the boy's features. It's been so long after all. Guess it never really sunk in yet. Gon wasn't the only one the Zoldyck barely kept contact with. Leorio and Kurapika received scarce replies as well.

His constant smile faltered a bit. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he'll be gone away again.

He quickly shook away his thoughts before anyone could catch onto his sudden solemn behavior.

"Hey, let's get ready to go out to the ice rink yeah?" He nudged the white-haired male, who turned to him and nodded.

The two excused themselves, welcoming Leorio and Kurapika one last time before disappearing upstairs to change into more appropriate clothes for the outdoors.

...

"Fuck, it's cold!" Leorio complained, chattering his teeth while rubbing his limbs. They were all heading into town, where the ice rink would stay open on Christmas day. Mito however, stayed behind to prepare dinner for later today. They'd insisted she should come, but she stubbornly waved them off anyway, wanting to make something especially good for the occasion.

Kurapika whirled to face the tall male, an angry stern look upon his face. "Hey shush, they're right there!" He tilted his head toward him and Killua, emphasizing 'who' he was talking about.

"We're not kids anymore." Killua butted in, beside Gon. The spiky-haired male turned to look at him, and as he admired his clear milk-white skin, he was sure he was right. They really weren't kids anymore after all.

"I know, I know." Kurapika sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as if he'd never be able to comprehend that they wouldn't be children forever.

"Killua, look!" Alluka pointed out to some skillful figure skaters that swayed in the rink they were arriving to. They jumped around, doing lutz and axels, appearing all pretty and ethereal while they scraped around amongst the other people. The blades under their heel sliced up the frozen ground, leaving light trails of indented lines in the pierced crystallized ice. 

They danced on the frozen pond, surrounded by the barrier that supported people on the side, whose knees were wobbly and unskilled. An image, more so a memory, popped up into Gon's head. When they were younger, he remembered that before they'd start their gym training, they'd stretch and the Zoldyck was extremely elastic.

"Think you can do that? I remember you being pretty flexible as a kid." He suggests and peers over at the white-haired male in awe. Killua figure skating was definitely something he wanted to see. He already knew it'd be something beautiful.

Killua bit his bottom lip, watching them amongst the ice. "Well, I doubt I can be as good as them, but maybe I can try?" He shrugs it off, blowing out a puff of cold pale air. 

They began to advance nearer to the building where you could publicly purchase ice skates. People stood all around them, laughing like they were clearly having fun.

"I'll go buy the ice skates. What's your guy's shoe size?" Kurapika asks, staring at the group as they stood aimlessly in the middle of the snow, surrounded by families heading down to the rink.

They all gave him their sizes and then he turned and disappeared into the crowd, up to where the building was so he could rent out some skates.

"I seriously didn't expect the rink to be open today. Who the hell works on Christmas?" Leorio sighs, a little bewildered. The tall-male began to scout around the place, using a hand to shield his eyes from the cold wind that threatened to make them rheumy. "Suppose we should find a good place to set our stuff."

"I'm kind of worried, there's a lot of people here that could steal." He mumbles, glaring at the number of people in the area.

"They've got lockers over there," Leorio pointed in a direction, and everybody's head turned to see some public lockers by a bench with some snow on it. "I'm sure Kurapika will realize to rent one and then get us a key." He states and begins to trudge through the thick blanket of stark-white to get to the lockers.

Gon hums and follows after him, the frost patiently kissing his tan cheeks.

"Gon, have you skated before?" Killua's voice spoke, and he turned to look at him, the words reminded him what happened last year and the thrum of his heartbeat pumped quicker at the space between his collarbones. He had done it before but wasn't skilled at it at all. It made his nerves crawled up his skin and made him feel anxious.

The white-haired male tilted his head at him, and a flush rose in Gon's neck and ears in realization he'd been staring.

"Well yes, but actually no," He confesses, brushing the back of his head, fingers caressing the coarse strands. "I've done it in previous Christmas days but.. I've never been any good at it." 

Killua paused, drinking in his words before a huge smirk was creeping on his features. A giggle was rising from his lips that lead to a burst of hollering laughter. He threw his head back as if the image of Gon slipping on the ice was absolutely hilarious. 

Gon frowned, smacking his hot face in embarrassment. He even contemplated rubbing snow on his stupidly warm cheeks.

"I'll help you if you want." Killua finished, his giggles finally dwindling away as they arrived near the locker boxes and took a place on the bench near Alluka and Leorio.

"That'd be appreciated." Gon mumbles. This wasn't fair, how was HE the embarrassed one right now?

It wasn't long until Kurapika spotted them, a few pairs of shoes with blades bundled up in his arms as he ambled towards the group on the bench.

"Here, I got us two locker keys since I figured we'd need to put our stuff somewhere." He cheers, holding up two keys with bright neon orange handles on them. He tossed one to Gon, who caught the key and turned to the white-haired male beside him.

"Alright, you share with me?" He asks Killua and the other nods, stringing along Alluka beside him. They removed their shoes and took the pairs that fit them. Surprisingly, he and Killua had similar sizes.

They change into their skates, feeling the rough old leather on their skins that was clearly worn out. They tie them tightly to avoid any injuries and then store their shoes into the locker, slamming the door shut and firm to make sure no one could steal anything.

"Alright, you guys ready?" Leorio announces, smiling to hype up the atmosphere a little more. Gon nodded slowly and began waddling through the firm snow down toward the pond. Even though he was on skates, walking on firm ground wasn't very difficult. But he knew the ice would be a different story.

He made it to the edge of the pond, and immediately when he stepped in, his knees caved inwardly so he quickly clasped onto the side barrier, earning a laugh from the others behind him.

"Shut up." He grunts, calling over his shoulder as his legs underneath him were feeling wobbly and flimsy like jelly.

The other's stepped in after a family of three, Alluka and Kurapika slid around with ease, while Leorio was managing, as he was occasionally slipping but was at least catching himself on the ice.

Killua was the last to step in the ice entry and glide across the frozen ground. He passed Gon, looking back at him with a smirk on his face as the wind swayed his hair into buoyant curls. He turned back, slowed down at his side, and offered out his hand covered with a black mitten.

Gon stared at it before he reluctantly took it, grasping onto his slender fingers while his other hand wouldn't leave the rail. His thoughts turned disarray, his heart pumping loudly in his chest feeling the other's paws amongst his own.

"I'm gonna fall." He groans, like a whining kid.

The white-haired male rolls his eyes, reaching his other hand closer to Gons. "No, you won't. Don't tell me you're scared of this?- You've broken every bone in your body, and you're scared of falling?" He snickers, the corner of his lips curling up in amusement.

"I'm not scared. I just..." Gon trails off, biting down hard on his lip to hide his embarrassment.

The blue eyes of the other's suddenly softened. Like the calm seawaters that gently lap at the shore during Spring.

"Just let go of the rail, you can trust me," Killua says softly, and for a moment, it struck Gon unexpectedly. It wasn't his usual snarky tone of voice that he'd been expecting, it was gentle and genuine. Just like his eyes.

He nods slowly, letting go and immediately clutching onto the white-haired male as soon as his legs grew flimsy.

"Oi, you're going to make us both fall if you do that. Just focus on standing up." He giggles, and grabs onto Gon's other hand, holding him close so he doesn't fall. 

"Killuaaaa." Gon whines and grips Killua's hands tighter, ignoring the stupid heat that flared up in his body from being so close to the other's torso.

The Zoldyck carefully instructs him, pulling his body a little bit away. "Just— try and walk, okay?

"That sounds way too har— " Gon huffs out, cut abruptly as his legs gave away. He began flailing his arms to keep his stance in check, when he suddenly felt Killua's hands on him, supporting him up.

"See? I got you. Look, Alluka can skate just fine, and she's two years younger than us."

Gon shifted over to glance at Killua's younger sister, her ink-black hair swaying in the wind as she glides across the ice with efficiency and skill. She weaves through the crowds, the blades on her shoes cutting the ice.

"That's because you guys are naturally amazing." Gon sighs as he stares off, eliciting a deep vermillion pink to spread all over Killua's face. 

He ignores the compliment, grumbling words under his breath and Gon feels himself get tugged toward the barrier on the opposite side of the exit.

"Here, I'll demonstrate how to walk on ice," Killua declares, pulling his fingers away from Gon to show him how to skate. The spiky-haired male pretended to not be bothered by the lack of contact but he watches anyway, all his attention on Killua as he glides around, his shoes kicking against the ice as if he were exaggeratingly walking. Just like he said.

"Now you try it, I won't let you fall." Killua offers, halting to a stop.

Gon makes a noise in acknowledgment and then reaches out for Killua to come to pick him up. The white-haired male drew close and latched his hand with Gon's again, a smile making away on his lips.

The Zoldyck pulls him out onto the ice again, and immediately Gon feels his knees give away beneath him on multiple occasions, but every time it'd happen, Killua's hands would help him up to prevent him from falling. 

They spent a good ten minutes walking on ice, until Gon finally got the gist of it, being able to skate a few feet on his own. Eventually, he slid back toward the barrier, his heart thumping in his throat.

"I want to see you do what those figure skaters did." Gon gasps out, his breath running shortly after practicing for ten minutes straight, working out his legs. He clung back to the side, watching as Killua shyly averted his eyes off to the side.

"I.. I guess I can try." The white-haired male murmurs apprehensively and began to stretch, himself. Of course, he was able to do all his hamstrings, lunges, and calf stretches against the barrier with ease. He was sure Killua could reach farther past his feet if there wasn't the solid ground beneath them. 

Slowly Killua stood back up and turned to leave, gliding out onto the ice full of strangers. 

"Don't push yourself!" Gon calls, waiting as Killua began to pick up speed around the rink. He was lost on what the others were doing, his eyes never leaving Killua's form as he began to crossovers. He picked up speed again, jumped, and landed, spinning elegantly while doing what was called a 'lutz'. 

Gon felt himself become entranced, his jaw-dropping while seeing him dance among all the other professional skaters in the rink. His moves weren't as precise and flawless, but he still had all of his attention anyway.

Killua continued to do a few tricks, jumping in every clearing possible. He did an Axel jump, turned, gained momentum, and then did a Salchow jump, spinning and sliding elegantly with the ice. The turns weren't the best, but it was amazing that Killua could even do it, to begin with.

After a few more tricks, Killua returned to him, breathing heavily from the amount of stamina it must've taken. His breath heaved out, white like cigarette smoke, and his face was all red and flushed with sweat.

"Gods, you're so amazing." Gon breathes out, and immediately Killua's face turned another shade darker— if that were even possible. 

"I- I don't think I was able to do as great as the others here." Killua rubbed his sweat-drenched neck, looking all embarrassed. Gon felt himself biting down on his bottom lip, stuffing down an urge to skim a finger across his heated skin to see how warm it felt.

"Still. You were great." He smiles, and something makes him wonder if Killua's face could get any redder. "You're face is all red and cute." 

The word slips out again, and Gon's own face was turning red as well. But this time, he doesn't change the subject. The Zoldyck however, instantly sputters at his words, coughing out like there was something stuck in his throat.

"Damn that was pretty impressive." A voice popped up out of nowhere from the crowd, saving Killua from being a blushing mess. They turned their heads to see Leorio skating towards them with Kurapika and Alluka trailing behind.

Killua ducked his head and covered his face with his mittens.

"Thanks." He mumbles under his breath, his voice muffled from the glove, and Gon reached out to grab his hand, pulling it away from his face.

"Let's try again?" Gon asks him with a tilted head.

Killua nods slowly and the spiky-haired male tightly interlaced his fingers with the other's, just like before. He swallowed down a hitch in his breath and began to reach for Killua's other hand.

"Have fun you two. Looks like you're starting to get the hang of it, Gon." Kurapika laughs and pushes afoot to skate in the opposite direction with Leorio chasing after him, staggering with every few steps.

Gon huffs, his legs still wobbly but he was doing much better than thirty minutes ago. Killua dragged him out farther away from the barrier, and soon enough Gon was at least on Leorio's level.

"You're learning quick. Want to go faster?" Killua asks, shifting to look at him as his legs kept up the same steady pace. 

Snowflakes began to fall, and land on their cheeks, melting against the skin and kissing their faces that felt so warm with being in the other's presence.

Gon observed ahead of him, gulping down a heavy nervous swallow. "I don't think I feel confident enough for that yet." He confesses and grips Killua's hand tighter.

A thumb swiftly swiped across his knuckles. It's a comforting motion.

"Let me drag you then," Killua murmurs, staring into his eyes with his own pierced blue ones.

Gon reddened, basking in the sensation of where his thumb left a trail of where it swept across.

"As long as I don't fall." He mutters and doesn't protest when Killua's body grew farther away. He doesn't protest even though he kind of wants to, just to keep the Zoldyck close. God, they really weren't kids anymore.

Killua smirks at him, his stupidly full lips tilted to one side. "Well, I've been doing a good job of not letting you fall, haven't I?"

Gon smiles, slowly gliding alongside Killua through the rink.

"Then take me away." He whispers, enticing a soft laugh from Killua, who unhooked one hand away from his grasp and put distance between their bodies. 

"Hold on tightly." He instructs, and surges forward, yanking Gon away with him, weaving through the ground.

Gon yelps and stumbles for a second, but quickly he catches himself, feeling the wind as it throws his loose strands back, away from his forehead.. It nips at his exposed skin, all around his face, the bite of the cold is exhilarating. 

His eyes don't leave Killua's back, the dark winter coat around his shoulders. The snowflakes built up onto the fur on his coat's hoodie. They intertwine amongst the crowd, and Gon practically almost ran into a poor bypasser. 

"You good? Want me to slow down?" Killua yells out to drown out the wind against their roaring ears. The blood rushed to their temples, making them as red as Killua's embarrassed face.

"No, let's keep going." Gon yells back, gripping the other's hand tightly to assure that Killua doesn't go ahead. To assure he doesn't leave him again.

Gon watches as Killua throws his head back, enjoying the snowflakes that land on his face. As the sun momentarily slips out from behind a puffy cloud, the ray comes down and swaths its light over the Zoldyck as he looks back at him over his shoulder. He smiles brightly, his eyes crinkled in the corners as he looks so fond of the beautiful light that shines over his black curly lashes and stark-white cheekbones. It makes his moon-white skin glow, and the thin tips of his white curly locks look so luminous against the sun. He's truly beautiful.

Gon's mouth hangs open as he takes it all in, and loves it. He loves his smile. He loves Killua. He missed him so much over the years. He wants to yell it out so bad.

He's always loved him. Even after so many months. 

And he's convinced he always will. 

...

Friday 5:58 PM

"Ahhh. Finally some warmth." Leorio sighs with relief, ahead of Gon. Their cold bodies hit the heatwave from the fireplace as soon as the front door swings open. They all step inside, kicking off their heavy boots while their berry-red skins are greeted with many warm fragrances.

Many and most of the delicious scents had drifted into the room from the kitchen just around the corner. The air smelt of roasted beef and potatoes, as well as Brussel sprouts and cheesy casserole, the good kind that Mito makes every special occasion. Gon hums, sliding off his black mittens while his heart still was racing from the rink.

Mito peeked around the corner of the kitchen. "Goodness, you guys made it just in time. I was worried the food was going to get cold." She chirps out with red oven mitts over her hands.

"Thank you for making dinner, Mito. We wished you went to the rink with us." Gon smiles, kicking his shoes aside from the doormat as he began to remove his heavy coat.

The orange-haired woman invites the rest of her body in the room and tilts her head. "Oh? Did you finally manage to learn how to skate?" She questions, a forefinger thoughtfully placed on her bottom lip.

Gon nods. "Yeah, Killua taught me." He cheers, turning to glance at Killua as he was taking off his own large jacket. His white fluffed head immediately perked up at the mention of his name, the tip of his nose painted pink from the former cold.

Mito laughs, a hand on her hip. "Finally. It seemed like you weren't going to stop slipping on ice forever." She teases, and Gon's lips curled down in a fake pout.

"Take a seat, dinner is already done." She calls back over her shoulder as she disappears back into the kitchen. Everyone shuffled by the front door had hung up their coats and began to take their seats in the chairs near the table, coated with a white linen table cloth. Gon blinks, and reluctantly pulled out a chair next to Killua and Alluka.

Kurapika however, didn't attempt to sit down just yet. "Would you like me to help to carry food out?" He asks loudly, loud enough for Aunt Mito to hear as she retrieves the casserole from the oven.

"That'd be appreciated, thanks!" She replies, and Kurapika ambled toward her voice in the next room. 

Gon stole a quick glance at Killua in the chair beside him, the white-haired male shuffling and playing with his slender pale fingers in his lap. He seemed to notice his glance because he shifted his head to return it, and Gon feels giddy, knowing they were opening gifts right after food.

The spiky-haired male leans in, his voice almost a whisper. "Hope you missed Mito's 'serious' cooking." He adds a shy smile. As he drifted in, he caught on the Zoldyck's typical scent, lavender, chocorobos, a hint of his cinnamon shampoo from a recent shower. It all made him feel a little light-headed.

He earns a light chuckle from Killua. "Mito's cooking is great every day." The white-haired male grins back, his fingers finally still in his lap. Funny how nervous he got sometimes.

"True, but on the holidays it's especially great."

Gon leaned back before he could possibly grow delirious. He swallowed down the wetness that pooled in his mouth, turning his body away so he wouldn't lose his ability to function.

Mito and Kurapika soon enough came back around the corner. They were carrying a tray of cheesy chicken casserole and roast beef with garlic potatoes on the side, soaked and colored with its salty juice. It steams, a warm smoke emitting from the food in their blue and white ceramic square bowls. 

"Thank you, Ms. Freecss. It looks amazing." Leorio smiles, as she set down the food in the center of the table cloth. 

"Remember, Mito." She sharply corrects him, she's laughing yet the poor guy looks nervous. 

Everyone else murmured their 'thank yous' before it was appropriate to dig in, and of course, just like every year, it was delicious. 

...

They'd finished dinner, and were already shuffling their ways toward the living room. Their skin facing the fire was shaded orange, just from the flame's light. The place above the chimney where the stockings once sat was empty, but all the dazzling lamps on the Christmas tree and the vibrant red presents below remained since morning. It looked even prettier with how the room was a few tones darker since then.

Gon caught a place on the floor, his legs brushing against the coarse carpet beneath him. Killua accompanied him, the space within them was short, and Gon could very easily brush his arm against Killua's pale one.

It'd been only evidence that the Zoldyck was finally comfortable around him, much so different from when he'd first arrived. They were together for only two days, and they'd hung out a lot, after all, getting back into the groove of things. But Gon wasn't sure if he still had the courage to ask anything about the years yet. He was a little scared the other would hate him for it.

However, an idea popped up within his mind, and he bit down hard on his lip, glancing at the white-haired male beside him shyly. Something had to be said eventually.

"Hey.." He starts, gaining the other's attention. 

"Want to head out on a walk with me after this?" Gon asks casually, a little quiet, but it wasn't intentional. Even as the others were beginning to gather into the room that smelled of the smoky fireplace.

He gazed determinedly as though he wasn't going to let it escape any longer, no matter how low his voice may have been. Something had to be said before tomorrow before he'd leave early in the morning. He's been patient long enough, and he wasn't sure he could wait much longer while the guilt and concern eating away at him.

"I.." The Zoldyck pauses, swallowing down his words. When he renders the inability to protest, his shoulder's slump as he surrenders. "Okay." He murmurs after catching Gon's stubborn amber eye.

Gon quietly breathes out in relief and quickly replaces it with a smirk to replace the newfound tension.

"Now, are you excited about your gift?" He snickers, gently jabbing Killua's rib, earning a snarky protest. He didn't miss his chance to tickle at his friend's gut, the white-haired male jerking around from the contact. 

"Stop it, you dumbass." The Zoldyck protests and bats his hands away. His voice is petulant, but everything around them is light-hearted. 

"Settle down boys, you're about to open your Christmas presents," Mito says sternly, taking her place on the chocolate-brown leather couch, 

Leorio chuckles at their behavior, the dumb round glasses slipping off his nose. "I can't tell if they're still twelve or not." He says, pushing up his spectacles as he began to take a seat on the couch cushion with Kurapika.

Both Gon and Killua hurled to face him with furrowed brows. It was easy to tell they were offended by his stupid remark when the old-looking man acted pretty childish himself.

He waved them off, snickering while repeatedly saying, 'I'm kidding, I'm kidding.'

"Alright, let's get started. How about that one?" Mito suggests, pointing at the nearest red present. It had little white reindeers scattered about on the shiny metallic looking paper. There was also a big red bow fixed to the top of it, with a little white name tag glued on the surface, letters in ink written on the white. "Whose is it? read the nametag." 

"Oh, that's my gift to you actually, Mito." Gon says, bounding forward on his knees to pick it up. He seized it and got to his feet, stepping over to deliver his gift to Mito before hunkering beside her on the couch.

Her mouth hung partly opened with wonder, but she lingered speechless as she accepted the gift from Gon and began to steadily tear the wrapping paper, exposing a bronze gold and white medium-sized box, with big striking print labeling 'Polaroid.' On one of the covers, a big black camera was displayed, showing a recently modeled version of the one she originally owned.

"The one you had was getting really outdated. Figured you'd probably like a newer and nicer version instead." Gon says sheepishly, watching as Mito's face turned to one filled with joy. 

She sets it aside and turns to him to pull him into a brief but heartwarming hug."Thank you so much, I've been meaning to get one of these. I love it. " 

"Of course, It was the least I could do." Gon says, burrowing his head into her shoulder before pulling away and meeting Killua back onto the rugged floor. He settled down, his knee accidentally bumping into the other's, but he willed himself to not think about it too hard.

Leorio peered down at them, a box of chocolates laid on his lap. "What'd you get for Killua, Gon?" 

"You'll see." The spikey-haired male grins.

He glances behind the pine needles, on top of the snow rug that surrounded the tree's trunk. Killua's gift was there, waiting to be plucked out from underneath.

"You ready to see what I got you?" Gon asks Killua, and the white-haired male nods slowly as if he were a little skittish. This must've been so new to him. They were too busy to celebrate Christmas or any other holiday when they were thirteen and traveling together, and he highly doubted the Zoldyck family ever celebrated something so normal. 

Gon reached under the Christmas tree, way far back where his present for Killua was laid. He used two arms, pulling out a long shape, wrapped with the reindeer print. It was so obvious of what it was, as a yellow wheel prodded out and broke through the wrapping at the crinkled corner. The gift was definitely poorly wrapped, but that didn't mean he didn't try his best into making it look presentable. 

He brings it out, as well as the two envelopes beneath it, for Leorio and Kurapika, and so he hands the envelopes to them before giving Killua his present.

The white-haired male turns to look at him, his eyes filled with hesitation.

"Open it." Gon grins, returning his gaze with his legs crossed.

The Zoldyck looked back at the present on his lap, his pale hands shaking. 'He eagerly ripped open the fluorescent wrapping paper', tearing down the reindeer print. Gon watched as his pierced blue eyes widen once the torn paper revealed his present.

It was a skateboard. The wheels yellow, and the top was dark gray with a gritty texture. But when he turned it around, the bottom had many pretty neon colors and designs all over it. It was obvious what it was from the shape of the present but, the genuine surprise still shone all over the Zoldyck's features.

Perhaps it was his first Christmas gift after all.

"Gon.. thank you.." He breathes out, his voice quiet and barely above a whisper. It suddenly felt like Leorio, Kurapika, and Mito weren't there anymore.

"You lost your old one at Heavens Arena right?" Gon asks, and the other slightly nods, his face still full of awe as he stared down at the skateboard.

"I actually was holding onto this for a while now. I'm happy I could finally give it to you." Gon murmurs, nervously rubbing his neck when two long, but lean arms were wrapped around him. A warm puff of breath ghosting over his neck.

Gon's breath hitched, and Killua's limbs briefly squeezed tightly around his shoulder before he pulled away, as quickly as that hug came.

"Thank you. Really." The white-haired male softly smiles and averts his eyes.

Gon practically sat there a little dumbfounded, and before he could reply, Mito's voice interrupted them.

"Hey Alluka, show them what you made for them," She says, and both Gon and Killua perked up in remembrance that they weren't alone, before they turned their heads to see Alluka holding something behind her back. She wore a shy look on her face, her nose poking through the black bangs that slightly grown past her cheeks.

Gon tilted his head in curiosity, and then the Zoldyck brought her hands forward, revealing two pale pairs of mittens, one blue and the other a mint green. They were made of Mito's warm soft yarn, wooly and thick.

She stepped forward, handing the two the mittens she made, and Gon slipped them on, flexing his hand open and shut in a repeated motion, admiring the warmth they possessed. 

"Wow, thank you! They're really nice Alluka." Gon chirps, the size, and the feeling of the yarn against his skin were soft. They easily fit his large calloused palms, and looking over, Killua's seemed to fit his hands as well.

"Thank you, I love them. Did you make this with Aunt Mito when we went out the other day?" Killua asks, smiling at his sister. Gon stared, liking the way he looked so content when it came to his sibling.

Alluka frantically nodded, her eyes gleaming bright and blue.

They continued with other presents on the carpet floor, the tearing sound of wrapping paper filled the air. Overtime the presents underneath the Christmas tree dwindled in numbers, leaving piles of torn wrapping paper to litter the living room floor. Alluka had received some sewing items and some makeup that she'd been wanting to get since the very start of September. Leorio and Kurapika received appreciation cards and chocolates, while Aunt Mito got Gon a game for his outdated Joystation that he and Killua purchased that day in summer for Greed Island.

As the glittery green, red, and gold ornaments hung from the musky pine needles, there in the back, remained one last wrapped gift. The shape long and thin like a pole, but Gon averted his eyes to keep himself from speculating.

"Whose is that one?" He asks, looking up at his Aunt Mito who shrugs, and instead, a voice beside him answered his question.

"It's yours... from me," Killua says quietly, causing Gon to turn to look at him. Killua really had gotten him something.

He smiles softly, genuine but a bit held back all the while. "Oh Killua, you know you don't have to get me a gift." He murmurs, a slab of guilt settled onto his pattering heart that thumped with a little built of guilt and happiness. He really didn't hope he guilt-trip Killua into getting him something, just because he told him he got him a gift this morning.

"Of course I have to. I wanted to anyway... it's Christmas isn't it?" He says slowly, momentarily averting his eyes to gaze at the Christmas lights that glowed up the dim room. 

The words immediately made the corner of Gon's lips curl up in a grin, washing away his guilt-stricken thoughts.

Killua sighed before getting up off the floor to reach for the last remaining gift beneath the evergreen's leaves. He seized it, pulling it out before sitting before Gon and gently giving it to him. Gon stared at it in his hands, his eyes shining with excitement. 

"Well, what're you waiting for, open it already," Killua mumbles, fidgeting with his hands in his lap all anxiously.

He urgently ripped off the wrapping paper, making sure to be gentle in the process. It revealed to be a steel green-tinted fishing rod, the metal gleaming from the light of the fire. He pulled off the excess trash, a wide smile spreading on his face.

"Sorry it's uh, a little lame. I felt bad for breakin—" Killua began but was immediately cut-off when a large mass threw itself on top of him, wrapping its strong arms around the Zoldyck.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" Gon yells, his arms fastening tighter around Killua who grew stunned and stiff beneath him. Gon felt his cheeks flare-up in heat, but he didn't care anyway, instead, he kept hugging the white-haired male with all his might.

"Ow, you're hurting me." Killua huffs out but returns the hug.

Gon finally relaxed, lowering his head nearer to the other's temple. "It's not lame you know. This means more to me than Ging's fishing rod ever did." Gon suddenly whispers in the other's ear, quiet enough for the other's to not pick up. 

Gon untangled his arms around the other, sitting back, watching the pink flush spread upon the white-haired male's cheeks. Embarrassment began to nibble at his own tanned skin, and he quickly averted his eyes, fixated on the shreds of paper on the ground.

"Alright, let's clean up the living room. Then you boys can head out if you want, don't stay outside too long." Mito announces, getting up from the couch to clean up the mess. Gon swallowed his nervousness away and doesn't look at Killua again as he gets up on his feet to pick up the paper to quickly dispose of it in the black trash bag. 

...

Friday 8:25 PM

The snow beneath Gon's heavy shoes crunched with each step he'd taken through the vast blanket of stark-white. He walks slowly, the cold night breeze kissing his face, making his body shudder in a wave of goosebumps that ripple across his skin. Gon sighs out, his heartbeat pounding hard against his chest like a thumping rabbit's foot, while his breath came out pale against the air. 

Killua's beside him, the very cause of his nervousness. It felt as tho any single trace of comfortableness and warmth from earlier vanished, leaving the space around them to be thick and dense enough to slice a knife through it. Gon didn't plan where to go, but his feet seemed to carry him in the right direction, to the clifftop where they shared their promises under a star-lit night sky.

The cliff that hung over the edge of the big lake, with the giant tree stuck dead in the middle, to which owned some gnarled roots, tearing into the soil beneath the water, and branching out its naked arms to reach for the sky.

Gon's palms were warm, and so were Killua's. Both their calloused fingers possessing some hot cocoa mugs in their hand while Gon's jacket pocket was stuffed with minty candy canes. He brought up the rim of the ceramic glass to his full lips, sipping the drink while passing each coniferous evergreen tree that brought them closer to that special place. 

Killua was dead silent, his footsteps slow and dreadful. He knew what Gon wanted to know, Gon knew that much. Maybe it was selfish of him to bring him out here to get to the bottom of this unspoken shit. Because no matter how much he hangs out with his best friend, there is always something eating away at the back of his skull, like a worm digging into a ripe red apple. 

The hungry worm in his brain reminds him. So does Mito's words that made him fret from the very beginning. Because again, Killua was an expert at hiding his feelings sometimes. Gon wasn't sure he'd ever know if he didn't email Palm, who'd informed him about what happened during that day.

The tall leafless oaks and lush green pine trees began to clear from their paths. Exposing the clear night above filled the space with polished lamps that made the snow glow. Gon sideglanced Killua, his moon-white skin gleaming along with the sleet that surrounded them. He took a sip of his mug while wearing a blank expression on his face.

There's Gon's own sense of dread that fills up his hollow insides, sitting in the pit of his stomach where it'll wait. This could go remarkably wrong.

They were soon met with the hill covered with ice, their feet carrying them to the end where the land cut off, and down the foot of the cliff where it was full of sleet and ice as it met the frosted water.

Gon stopped at the edge. Glancing down at the calm but ice-cold lake that gently lapped around with moonlight reflecting off its surface. It was cold enough to turn your lips blue if you stayed in it for a second too long.

As he gazed, his heart pattering nervously, he soon realized that jumping into that ice-cold water below, had seemed to take up less of his courage than forming the first word to the white-haired male beside him. Not an ounce of enough fear toward even water that could turn his skin blue and eyes red and choke him of his last breath. 

Gon swallows down the nervous lump in his throat. Briefly closing his eyes to build up that nerve in him. He could fight man-eating ants and A-class thieves, but none of those seemed to have made him as scared as he was now.

He took a step back, before sitting down on the ground, the cold unable to penetrate through his snow pants. It took the Zoldyck beside him a moment before Gon could hear the sound of the nylon material in his clothes brushing against each other as he shuffled down to hunker beside him on the terrain.

The silence soon became too much to bear.

Gon sets down his mug and rummages into his pockets, pulling out the mint candy canes he'd always pluck from the tree before leaving. He shifted to turn toward his friend beside him, bringing forth a hand in offering. 

"You want one?" Gon asks softly, it's an attempt to break down the tense silence around them, and it causes the other to weakly smile. Maybe it was a little silly.

"It's unhealthy to eat a lot of these you know," Killua counters, but receives it anyway, peeling the plastic off the stick the candy in his mouth.

Gon raised a brow in disbelief. "Didn't you spend 200 million jenny on chocorobos?" He asks, knowing the answer already.

The white-haired just breathily snorts in reply, already defeated.

Gon poked a finger into the snow in front of him. His skin shielded with the pale mint green mitten that Alluka had made for him. The lumps of icy flakes shimmered under that pale white moon, glimmering and sleeping peacefully on the ground. Gon breathes out slowly, listening to the crinkling sound of the candy cane's wrapper in Killua's soft hands. As well as the noises of the hoots from a nearby owl that sang into the air with it's animalistic gruffed voice.

"Do you remember what we said to each other the last time we were here?" Gon shyly begins, breathing in slowly to soothe the crawling churn in his stomach that made him nervous. 

He bites his lip, his eyes sliding to look at Killua beside him. The white-haired male wore a reluctant look on his face while the mint cane was hanging from his lips. 

Killua temporarily removed the candy from his mouth to speak. "Yeah. How could I really forget." He concedes, averting his azure eyes to stare up at the night heaven above as he briskly put it back in.

The atmosphere was all pretty like that one night. Ethereal blue hues shading over the black marble sky, with luminous stars that mimicked spilled sugar to which laid across it.

"I wish we followed through with our promises," Gon declares solemnly, gazing into Killua's face, watching as the white-haired male's lip quivered in response. 

The Zoldyck sighs, pulling up his knees to squeeze them around his chest.

"I guess I wish we did too," Killua murmurs, his delicate black eyelashes peering down at the glistening snow before them. All sorts of sensations began to mull in his chest, just from the Zoldycks words.

Gon hums, his hands tucked in his lap, laced around the forgotten mug. "How have you been, all this time?" He carefully asks, hoping to get a hint that'd answer his brain-eating questions. 

"Good." The other states shortly, his face blank, unreadable and Gon frowns. 

'He's lying.'

Gon acknowledges it. But, he wasn't sure if he was confident to bring it up just yet.

However, his observant amber eyes catch the sticky gleam under the curve of Killua's pink lips, and before he realizes it, he brings out a thumb and gently rubs the stickiness off. Killua tensed up at the motion, pulling his face away, his skin reddening with every second.

"You got candy on your lip," Gon says hurriedly, urgent to quickly give him an explanation that'd tear off that weird look on Killua's face. It makes his blood run cold while a wave of heat attacks his face.

"Oh-" Killua huffs, the tops of his ears all crimson. "I-I've got it." He stutters as he frantically rubs away the stickiness. 

A loud chuckle emerged from Gon's lips from the sight, and it silences the hoots from the owls.

"I've missed you a lot." He says, still smiling from the remains of a dwindling laugh. Gon's eyelids were beginning to weigh down and ache with tiredness as he stared down at his pale green mittens.

Killua sniffs, rubbing his tinted nose with the back of his knuckle. "I believe you." He murmurs. Gon side-eyed him, the white-haired male's face was soft, and something... something inside him wanted to finally beat around the damn bush.

He pushed the mug to the side and let himself lazily fall back, his shoulders hitting the thick snow beneath him. Some little snowflakes kick up in the air like stirred dust and gently sprinkle back down around him as he laid down.

"Mmm. How come you didn't visit these past years then." Gon asks quietly, tiredness heard in his tone. He doesn't look at Killua, because he's scared. Scared and tired. He stares directly up at the lamps in the sky, watching as the stirred snow gently falls down onto his face to melt from his warm skin.

But the other is quiet. Not a breath or sigh to tell Gon he's about to speak. Nothing. Just the hoots of the owl that began to pick back up again out behind them in the dark woodland.

Gon drew his hand up to his face to rub away the fallen white flecks that weight heavily on his eyelashes. A somber feeling hits him. Maybe it'd be best to let it go. Let him go if he has to.

"I'm tired." Gon rustles, changing the subject for the white-haired male. Killua doesn't have to be uncomfortable. He lightly shut his eyes, the snow feeling like a soft fluffy mattress.

He hears Killua huff with relief. "Do you want to head back?" The white-haired male's voice questions from above.

"No. The snows soft." Gon simply replies quieter, his voice farther away as he was sinking deeper into the powdery bitter ice.

An exhalation escaped Killua's pink lips, and he could hear as the Zoldyck hunkered down beneath him, the material of his jacket rubbing against the ground. 

Gon's withdrawn and doesn't dare to open an eye. He shifts slowly on his side, facing Killua while the frost pressed against a reddish tanned cheek. He supports his head with an elbow anyway, and the faint breeze picks up, but he doesn't move anymore. Too busy fighting within himself.

"Gon, we'll freeze out here," Killua announces out plainly, right beside him, and it's cold but the snow is still gentle. It's not coming from the sky anymore. It was done with that hours ago.

"Gon?" Killua calls out again, his faint breaths heard every few seconds.

He's not sure why he stays quiet. His lips don't want to part. They don't want to speak anymore. 

'Ask, again.'

'But Killua wouldn't like that, would he?'

'To hell with letting it go.'

But then a warm mitten skims across his face, and Gon quickly stifles a gasp from escaping his lips. He stills, willing a single muscle in his facial features to not even move. Killua's pale blue mittens stroke his cold cheek, eliminating the patient frost that'd been caressing away at the little dotted stars on his face called freckles. 

It's warm. It leaves a burning sensation to ripple across his cheek. From cold to hot. He was sure he might've looked red now.

And then, his eyes shoot open.

In one swift motion, Gon lunged over, seizing Killua by his waist before pulling the Zoldyck on top, earning a startled yelp from the other and it rings into the night air. He pulls him down, their bodies hugging as he wraps his arms around the other, burying his face into the white-haired male's shoulder.

'To hell with letting it go.' It repeated.

"How come you haven't come these past years, tell me." Gon repeats again, a little angrier while his voice wavers from a heavy breath. He repeats it into the crook of Killua's neck, his nose tickled by his fur coat while he holds him dearly. 

Killua doesn't speak again, the only sound is his frantic pale breaths that escape his lips and washes over the nape of Gon's flushed neck.

"Let me go." He finally huffs out. Gon doesn't relent, keeping his arms around the Zoldyck, but when he doesn't get a response, his grip begins to loosen in defeat, causing Killua to gently sink beside him on the fluffy snow, their arms pressed together.

He turns his head to face Killua, the other doing the same with wide eyes, their warm pants ghosting over each other's lips. 

"Please tell me." He pleads out, his voice a whisper while he's staring into Killua's broad blue pierced eyes. His cheeks were still feeling warmth where Killua swept his hand across it, but he couldn't bring it up. Not now when there was something else to be said. Not when he was so scared.

The Zoldyck swallows down a heavy breath. "I can't." He gasps out, with a slacked jaw.

Gon furrowed his brows. 

"Palm told me what happened you know. I wish you'd tell me how you really felt sometimes." He responds, staring boldly, his eyes never wavering. Killua has to finally tell him how he's felt those days. Tell him why he hasn't come. Tell him himself. 

He watches as Killua's face becomes angry, and as the Zoldyck immediately sits up from the snow, wiping off any that'd clung to his back.

"You're selfish, Gon." He states matter-of-factly. Glaring down at him with those bitter blue globes, the corners tinted pink.

Gon get's up as well, snow falling from his back. "I know. I know I am." He whispers. Ever since he left that hospital. He'd never dared to show he knew until now, but it always gnawed away at him and he always yearned to change that.

He stared at the other for seemingly a dozen minutes, before a surrendering sigh breaks through the white-haired male. 

Killua's glare finally began to vanish, and he sits back, pulling his knees to his chest to hug them.

"It was very hard to face you two days ago." He swallows down and admits, avoiding his eyes to look at the woven material of his mittens. Killua's bulbous nose sniffs against the frigid air, his pink eyelids peered down at his hand.

Gon's hands clench beside him.

"It's always felt hard to face you since you left the hospital. It's shitty to be reminded that you didn't give a single fuck about how I felt about all of the shit that went down before you almost died." He says, his voice beginning to break. Gon stared at his side profile, watching as his eyes grew wet, tears beginning to form, and cling to his curly black eyelashes like dew on the grass. 

His heart began to painfully twist at the sight.

'Killua's going to cry.'

He wasn't sure if he'd ever seen him cry before.

The tears began to spill over the rim of Killua's eyes, lathering and coating his cold moon-white cheeks. "I didn't want to grow dependant on you anymore because of how reckless you were. Alluka needed me anyway." He confesses, burrowing his face into his knees.

Gon's mouth parted to say something, but Killua wasn't finished.

"I thought..." Killua hesitates, voice muffled through his pants as he hid his face. "I thought maybe it'd be better if we just didn't... see each other in person again." He says slowly.

The words cause Gon's heart to fracture as white dust began to flutter down from above. 

"But of course, Alluka convinced me to be here, and I thought it was going to be okay to just briefly see you, but you're making it so hard right now." Killua cracks out, his voice breaking as he tried to hold back sobs. 

Gon didn't know what to say. His voice vanished at the moment and his head was blank. He wasn't good at comforting others in this kind of situation. He can't say he ever really did such a thing before.

So like what the typical person does, the only words that leave his mouth are...

"I'm sorry." Gon murmurs quietly, his knuckles are white and his hands are curled into balls full of frustration. Frustration because he wants to say something else. Because he can't find the right words.

Killua doesn't even blink at his apology. 

"I expected that." He sighs, rubbing the tears away from the back of his knuckle. His eyes are a little glossy and everything is cold now.

Panic strikes Gon. 

"I really am, I... I want to make things right," he says frantically, leaning over to try to get the other to look his way and meet his eyes. 

Killua groans, and doesn't turn to face him. "It's all way in the past. What do you want to 'make right?'" He says, the fur on his coat shifting in the small wind.

"I mean between us, now. Before you leave again." Gon responds, reaching his hand out to touch the other's shoulder in a comforting manner. There might be no other opportunity. 

Killua shrugs it off, shouldering Gon's hand off him. "There's nothing to say except that this whole situation is stupid. I shouldn't have come." He inhales, upsetness evident in his expression while small tears kept leaking, ever so slowly over his now flushed red cheeks.

Stupid?

This was stupid to him?

Gon couldn't help but frown. A tremor of anger rushing through him, as it alarmingly bubbles up.

"No, it's not. Didn't you say you wished you followed through with our promises? Why aren't you trying to be considerate of my feelings now?" He demands, anger lacing his tone of voice. How could he? After he'd felt the whole time Killua had left.

He felt like shit. Like he wasn't enough. Like Killua hated him. Like he had to grow the fuck up. And he tried, he tried so hard.

Killua finally turns to face him, wide-eyed, his eyes no longer so runny.

"What?" 

Gon held his gaze, but suddenly... didn't feel so keen to meet them anymore. "You're being hypocritical. How do you think I've been feeling these past three years?" Gon blurts out, tensing up at his own words in guilt.

Remorse as soon as anger flashed and ignited Killua's blue pierced eyes. Like a raging sea storm with foamy water crashing against rocks. It causes a cold worm of dread to curl its way around Gon's fragile heart.

"Me barely messaging you doesn't equivalate to you trying to fucking commit suicide, Gon." He snaps angrily, his face twisting into a scowl. Killua glares, and Gon's heart sinks into the pit of his stomach. 

He stammers, trying to breathe in to calm himself before speaking. "I-I know but it still fucking hurts so much that you decided this by yourself. Why couldn't you have just talked about it with me before we split? I... I know I would've understood." He says weakly, his voice breaking down.

"Jesus Christ. I'm going back." Killua grimaces, getting up to his feet, and Gon quickly bolted up after him.

His hand immediately shot out, wrapping itself around Killua's wrist. The Zoldyck tensed under, the contact, shooting a glare his way before threatening to yank his arm away.

"Killua! Please.. I didn't mean to say I had it worst than you or anything. It's just not stupid. I just.. really wanted you to tell me because...." He hesitates. "Because I like and care about you more than you think." Gon murmurs out quickly, flinching up at each word that possibly exposes his inner feelings.

He recognized it awhile ago today. He was left wondering what he wanted more, but he found out. 

It becomes quieter, their bare faces getting caressed by the icy cold. For a moment, the Zoldyck's eyes were wide, staring at Gon in disbelief, but soon enough another frown was cast back on his face.

"I don't think you like me the same way I like you, Gon," Killua says coldly, his eyes dark.

Gon halted. What does... that mean? 

The Zoldyck began to pull his wrist away, but Gon came back to his senses and quickly tightened his grip. "We won't know unless we find out. Killua what do you mean by that?" He cries out.

Killua's lip began to quiver, fearing shining in his widened blue eyes. "God this is so fucking cringe. There- there's no way."

"Tell me." Gon states firmly.

Killua takes a step back. He's quiet, his wrists cold. His brows are pinched and he looks like a complete wreck. Moreso of a wreck than when he was spilling his tears.

The Zoldyck throws his head back, staring up at the clear night sky that has dancing stars in its atmosphere. The words almost stuck in his throat.

"I love you a lot, okay?" He whispers out.

Gon stills, his heart pounding in his chest.

"I" He starts, choking back on his words.

The Zoldyck lowers his head to meet his amber eyes. 

"I'm going back." He mutters and tries to turn away again.

Gon gained back his composure and slid his hand down from Killua's wrist to interlace his fingers with the Zoldyck. Causing the other to halt in his tracks, and stare back over his shoulder. Gon stays quiet, barely able to breathe as everything is so full and pounding in his chest.

He gazes into Killua's eyes for only a moment, before he lightly shuts them, keeping his hand is in the Zoldyck's possession.

Killua shifted to face him again, quiet, save for the sound of his wavering breath. 

"Are- are we really doing this?" He whispers, and Gon's too afraid to speak. But Gods, he really does want it.

He subtly nods, not even sure if Killua could notice or not. But it was evident that he did when a warm wave of breath washes over his face, before cold lips touch his own. Everything so full that built up within him, bursts.

Gons stunned even though he yearned for it. Killua's lips taste like mint candy canes as he presses fervently against his own before gently pulling away. Gon opens his eyes, his warm stare met with Killua's closed ones, which gently draw open, offering a rush of wide azure globes with so much fear within them. It sends a jolt of lighting up his spine, the breathtaking sight.

He releases his hand from Killua's and brings it up to hold his cold cheek, the moonlight glinting off his skin. He strokes it gently to console him, bringing his other palm up to sweep across the fluffy, wind-tousled mess of the Zoldycks hair, the touch of his fingertips gentle and fueled with his wholehearted fondness.

He closes his eyes once again and Killua's lips meet his as before, kissing him chaste and brief, before pulling back just to gently repeat that motion, to peck his lips again, and again, and again.

It's soft. Killua's lips are soft. And when too many minutes seemed to pass by, Gon finally draws away, his own face is feeling hot and flushed. His hands are still held in Killua's white hair, and he skims his finger once again across his soft cheekbone, sighing out his tired breath away.

"C-can we head back together now?" Killua weakly stutters out, his whole face pink under Gon's tender grasp.

Gon freezes until the words register through his head before he's nodding eagerly. He pulls his hands away, just for Killua to slowly wrap his fingers around Gon's, slow enough for him to pull away if he wanted. 

But Gods, of course, he doesn't resist. And instead, he interlaces their fingers tighter, squeezing gently while a small smile was brought forth on his shy lips.

He swipes his thumb across Killua's knuckle, mimicking him from earlier today, and that elicits a small grin on the Zoldyck's lips as they lead each other back toward the house, the mugs sitting on the snow, cold and forgotten.

Gon knows they still have shit to discuss. But right now, it couldn't be brought up when it was so fragile.

...

Saturday 6:30 AM

Gon groans as the stupid sunlight spills inside the open curtains, buttering up his tired face. He blinked, shedding the sleepy dreams out of his amber eyes, shifting his arms around to get in a more comfortable position, just to find them wrapped around a body mass.

He felt around, feeling skin and soft pajamas beneath the thick blankets, so he opens his weary eyes, just to recognize a white tousled fluff of hair to be right under his nose, the tips tickling his nostrils.

He stifled a gasp, his eyes widening while his body is squished against the wall, feeling his legs bundled with another and dangling off the edge of the futon. Gon lifts up the blankets, peering down to see Killua's peaceful-looking sleepy face, pressed against his shoulder, his thick black delicate lashes fanned over his stark-white skin. 

A grin makes his way on his face, his heart humming on his chest, fluttering giddily in his ribcage. He removes a hand from around the other to skim a finger on Killua's sleeping face, his bangs messy and sprawled all over the pillowcase. Gon hums, gazing as he recalls last night. 

...

Last Night

"Oh, Alluka's already asleep," Killua whispered, peeking his head in through the crack of the door. Gon squeezed in behind him, peering inside as well to see her sleeping blissfully on the bed, her body still under the heap of blankets. 

"Let's hurry up and change in some pajamas." Gon murmured, his hand still intertwined with Killua's. The Zoldyck nodded in response, slipping inside to amble towards Gon's drawers.

Gon unhooked his hand from Killua's and carefully pulled out one of the drawers, cautious to not stir Alluka awake. He pulled out some warm comfortable pairs of pajama pants and tee shirts, handing Killua one despite its smaller size. Not that it would matter since it's just sleepwear.

They changed, and Gon willed himself to not stare at the bare skin of Killua's back that glowed from the moonlight shining in through the window. He quickly shed from his heavy clothes, and slipped on a white tank top and fuzzy pajama pants, before crawling onto the black futon.

"Gon..?" Killua whispered in the dark, and Gon glanced up at him, seeing the Zoldyck stand in the center of the dim room, as he nervously rubbed his bare arm with a shy look plastered on his face.

Gon stared, slack-jawed while trying to make sense of the situation. But soon enough, it hit him.

"Want to sleep with me?" He casually offers without thinking, and immediately grimaces from his word choice. Killua made a choking noise, his face immediately turning red, seemingly noticeable in even the darker shade of night.

"I-I didn't mean it like that." He said hurriedly, correcting himself in a frantic whisper with wide eyes, watching as Killua rubs his face in embarrassment.

The Zoldyck sighed. "Yeah, yeah I know. If I could that'd be appreciated. Alluka..." he said slowly, stealing a glance at his sister, sleeping on the mattress. "..might wake up if I get into the bed." He finished.

Gon's cheeks flared up with heat from the obvious lie, but he played along anyway.

"Ah- yeah, I understand. Here, come here, I'll try to make some room." He said, awkwardly catching on his words as he scooted back against the wall, making enough room for the white-haired male.

Killua stepped forward and hesitated at the edge, before gently crawling down into the empty space beside Gon. "Sorry..." He mumbled and scoots against him to prevent himself from falling off.

"Yeah-no it's fine." Gon huffed, getting a wave of cinnamon shampoo from Killua's white locks on his head. He wasn't sure where to put his arms, as they laid stiffly and squished to his sides.

After a minute of silence, Gon sucked in a breath and throws an arm around Killua's side, feeling the Zoldyck grow tense beneath his grasp.

"Is this okay?" He questioned softly, ready to pull his hands away, and when the white-haired male relaxed and whispered a subtle 'yes' under his breath, Gon finally unwinded, heaving out a sigh in relief. He keeps his arm hooked around the other, his back is squeezed against the wall, but it's okay. Having Killua in his arms right now, was worth anything.

...

Present

Killua shifts around in Gon's limbs, yawning a deep sigh, his adam's apple humming as he parts his pink lips. Gon sucks in a breath, tearing down the urge to peck his mouth, recalling how cold and sweet they felt. Instead, he watches as Killua blinks, his unfocused blue eyes holding a sleepy haze within them. 

The Zoldyck stares up at Gon, his cheek pressed against the skin on his shoulder. Gon couldn't resist the temptation to tilt his head down at him, a cheeky grin plastering his features, as he watches Killua sleepily smile back up at him, his face golden from the morn's embrace.

"'Morning." Gon murmurs, as Killua slowly sits up, staring around the room, his eyes half-open and weary. His white locks are all untidy and knotted from sleeping, and it causes something affectionate to swell inside Gon's heart.

"What time is it?" Killua grumbles, his voice deep and husky. He rubs his eyes back and forth with a knuckle to clear the sleepy vision and blinding sunlight. The rays weren't going to stop attacking their faces anytime soon, but neither of them had the energy to get up and close the curtains.

"'Round six-thirty since the last time I checked." Gon sighs, and doesn't bother getting up from the blankets, because it's too early and the air is cold. "You've got to leave at eight-thirty right?" He sniffs, his voice is a little solemn. The thought of Killua leaving today had vines and thorns piercing hard into his heart. Hard enough to draw blood and make his chest hurt.

Killua nods slowly, an apologetic look on his face as he looks down at Gon with a sad half-smile. His body visibly shuddered against the chilly air, and Gon had the impulse to make him warmer.

"Well, you've got quite some time before you have to get ready. Stay here a little longer." Gon snickers, dragging Killua back down on the futon, his hands begin running along his skin to tickle him.

The Zoldyck yelps, jerking his body around in reaction.

"Oi- I won't if you don't stop tickling me." He cries out in a fit of chuckles, grabbing Gon's hands to pin them away. Gon smiles and stops, watching as Killua relaxes and lays back down beside him, throwing the blanket over his head.

Gon peeks below, lifting it up to go under as well and nestle into Killua's soft unruly hair. 

He ponders about last night at the cliff, images so vivid he can practically feel the snow against his skin. Their words, they still mattered, didn't they? Gon wished he could've said something better, instead of saying selfish things like a child. But either way, he isn't sure if he wholeheartedly regrets it, because right now, Killua is here with him. Everything turned out alright.

"I love you too, Killua." Gon murmurs in remembrance of Killua's confession. It's late, but he means it. His voice is muffled as he burrows against Killua's pale cheek, feeling him shiver beside him as his forearms are wrapped around his body.

The Zoldyck turned to face him, a smile ghosting over his lips, a wave of warm breath washing over his face.

"I know you do. At least you better." Killua fusses playfully, poking Gon's side, eliciting a jerk from him that makes him grunt.

He lifts the blanket, inviting in a wave of cool air to wash over them, Killua's bangs pulled are back, the golden soft light lathering his pretty face. Gon leaned down, planting a brief and chaste peck onto Killua's exposed forehead, his own cheeks flaring up in the process.

The Zoldyck grows even redder and brings up his arms to hide his face, shifting to turn on his side to hide away his strawberry pink skin. Leaving Gon back to spooning him in his arms, with his eyes closed.

He'd wished he could do this forever, every morning. Laying with Killua on a little futon, the blankets sprawled out all messy, their bodies close and nearly hanging off the edge while they briefly exchange innocent kisses once in a while.

"I'm sorry for saying the situation was stupid. I know it's not, I just didn't think talking about anything would turn out okay." Killua says suddenly from nowhere, and Gon's eyes flicker open, squinting against the brash sunlight. 

He heaves a sigh. "Me too. I haven't really changed from being a bit selfish," Gon mumbles, recalling how narrow-minded he kind of was. Killua had his own feelings he was looking out for, after all. The world can't just revolve around himself and how he feels.

Killua lifted his arm, pulling it up to stroke Gon's cheek. "Working on it is all that matters." He hums, and Gon leans into his cold calloused palm.

"If I'm being honest, I didn't want to see you because I liked you," Killua says slowly, turning his head to stare directly into Gon's eyes. They're blue, full of regret, a yearning that this could all have been sorted out sooner.

Gon slowly brings up a hand to his face, to hold Killua's that was fondly stroking his cheekbones. "I get it, but I wish you'd at least try." 

"Yeah, I wish so too."

He lets Killua continue to sweep his thumb against his face. "You'll be around more now, right?" Gon questions cautiously, biting down on his plush bottom lip in nervousness.

"Of course dumbass. How could I not." Killua huffs playfully, smiling at Gon, the curl of his lips is contagious enough to make him grin as well. 

Their heads suddenly perk up at the sound of ruffling bedsheets, followed by a tired yawn. Killua quickly lowers his hand, seeing Alluka sitting up on the bed, a tired face worn on her features.

"Killua? Gon? When did you guys get home?" She asks with her voice all sleepy. Her eyes flitting over to them on the futon, widening as she begins to connect the dots.

Gon felt his skin grow hot as Alluka sees Killua in his arms. He can only guess the assumptions that were going on through her head right now. He'd wonder would everyone think of them together. 

"Are you guys finally together?" She questions pensively, tilting her dolly face down at them with a curious look in her sleep-hazed eyes.

Killua's mouth drops for a moment. "What do you mean finally?" 

Alluka giggles at his response, slipping off the bed, her toes meeting the wood floor while a blanket is draped over her shoulders to keep her warm.

"Forget that, are you?" She snickers, raising a brow in suspicion. She then draws up a hand to rub her eyes to wake up quicker, standing beside the bedframe, waiting for an answer.

Killua turned his head to look at Gon, tilting his head in question.

'Weren't they? This is what couples do, right?'

Gon breathed in.

"Yeah, we are." He states matter-of-factly, pulling Killua closer and quickly ducking down to peck his cheek. The other yelps in reply, glaring at him in embarrassment as the tips of his ears grew red.

"Glad to finally see it. I was waiting for y'all to beat around the bush." Alluka laughs out tiredly, grabbing her clothes at the foot of the bed as she ambles across the room in slow trudging steps that highlighted the fact she just barely woke up.

Gon wasn't sure how she had the energy to stand up within two minutes from sleep.

"I'm going to start packing for us, I'll meet you two downstairs." She announces with a weary voice, clothes stuffed under her arm as she opens the door to leave, giving them one last smile before disappearing around the corner.

They were alone now, Alluka gone but her question still remained thick in the air.

Gon nudged Killua beside him, earning a faint grunt in return. "Are we together?" he asks now that Alluka had left the room.

The Zoldyck beside him tensed for a brief moment.

"I want us to be," Killua whispers, tucking his arms beneath the pillow as he stared up at Gon with a fond look in his eye.

It causes the corners of Gon's lips to immediately curl up in a smile. "Me too." He murmurs.

"Then I guess we are," Killua affirms, his cheek pressed against the stitching of the pillow, little feathers poking through the fabric.

Gon laid back down, resting his head on the other pillow, facing Killua with his heart full of affection. 

They seemed to lay there for another five minutes, cuddling into each other and giving brief pecks. But alas, all good things come to an end once Killua began to stir, sitting back up on the cushion, and stretching his limbs to relieve the tension within them.

"I gotta help Alluka pack now." He yawns out, rubbing away at his cheeks to rid of the mark the stitch left.

Gon's arm that was wrapped around the other's waist had slightly tightened in protest. "I don't want you to leave." He pouts, his bottom lip jutted out.

Killua was finally his, and now he was leaving again.

"Hmmm, I have to. I promised Alluka we'd tour around Zaban City." Killua sighs out seriously, grasping Gon's arms to uncurl them from his body.

Gon relented, letting the Zoldyck unhook his arms without a fight. 

"Okay, fine." He groans.

He gets up on his feet with Killua, out from under the warm blankets just to be greeted with the cold air that makes their bodies shudder.

"I'll get your clothes from the laundry room." Gon announces with little to no enthusiasm as he exits the room.

Killua stays quiet as his feet drag out the door, a little dreadful. Anything to let the Zoldyck stay for even a minute longer.

...

8:28 AM

"Alright, it's time to go to the harbor before the boats leave," Kurapika calls at the door, slipping on his heavy boots and coat. Leorio does the same, grabbing his packed suitcase that rested beside the door. Filled to the brim with whatever junk that guy brought.

Killua and Alluka stood with them, their heavy coats on, and the same things they'd worn since the first day they arrived. The pimento scarf and dark blue winter coat with frost mangled fur on the hoodie.

"I'll come with to see you guys off." Gon says quickly, throwing on his own coat and joining them at the doormat.

Leorio nods as Gon quickly stuffed his foot into some boots. When he was finished, he opened the door, the winter weather heralding everyone with an expressly strong breeze. They stepped out, bodies immediately shuddering from the particularly cold morning. The snow wasn't as gentle as usual.

Kurapika and Leorio lead the way down the hill, Alluka at their side getting to know the two that Gon and Killua had acquainted with at the hunter exam. He stayed side by side with the Zoldyck, just behind the others that were too busy chatting away amongst themselves, his hand itching to hold the others.

"When do you think you'll be able to visit again? I don't want to wait to see you again for another holiday." Gon whispers, leaning in close to Killua to keep it amongst themselves. 

Killua turned his head to look at him as they trudged through the snow on the road that was in desperate need to get shoveled. "Perhaps sometime late in the month of January. I'm not sure how long we'll be staying in Zaban City." He says, scratching the tuft mess on his head.

Gon turned to stare ahead of him, a wave of sadness washing over him. Killua seemed to catch on because a hand wrapped itself around Gons. He perked up at the action, his head jerking to look at Killua who gave him a soft half-smile.

"Don't worry, It won't be any longer than that. I'll come back." He murmurs, giving his hand a light squeeze, and Gon quickly intertwined their fingers, feeling reassured.

It didn't take long for them to walk into the town where the harbor was located, their noses soon to be greeted with the salty smell of the ocean and fish. 

They passed through the plaza, down sidewalks with roads that were lined with shops and cafes. The same road where they watched the Christmas parade stroll down the street. Slowly they descended down the hill toward the pier, a vast blue blanket ahead of them that met with the horizon with an early light sun just above the crest, covered with overcast clouds that rained with snowflakes.

Shortly after, they approached the harbor, and it was pretty busy as many ships entered the docks. The solid ground was plentiful of crowds of families standing near the piers, saying goodbye to loved ones as they left from the holidays. All the snow on the docks and ships were shoveled aside and cast into the salty foamy water.

Killua halted at the beginning of the dock, where the hard sea-battered wood met with the firm stone. Gon watched as the Zoldyck turned to face him, ignoring Kurapika, Leorio, and Alluka as they halted ahead of them, staring back over their shoulders to wait for their goodbyes.

Gon immediately threw himself at Killua to embrace him in a hug. He desperately clung his arms around the other like it were the last time he'd ever hug him, because who knows. If things turned out differently that really could've been the case.

"Visit again soon, alright?" Gon murmurs, his voice muffled into Killua's shoulder.

He felt his slender hands begin to weave themselves within his coarse hair. "I will, I promise. I'll email you as soon as the boats set off." Killua hums out, returning the hug.

"Killua, let's go, they're about to leave," Leorio calls urgently. Gon opened his eyes to see the apologetic look on his face, with that awful stubble coming out around his chin.

"Okay- shit." Killua breaths out, drawing back to look him in the eyes. "Bye Gon, I love you." He says hurriedly, leaning into peck Gon on the lips one last time. A flush spreads upon his face from the action, knowing the others probably watched it happen.

"Bye, I love you too...." Gon huffs out breathlessly, watching as Killua pulled away, a sad look on his face.

"I'll see you again next month, don't worry." He finishes with a smile and turns to catch up with Leorio and Kurapika. Leaving Gon to stand there, staring at the back of his dark winter coat until he finally disappeared amongst the other passengers. 

'Killua was finally his, and now he was leaving again.' He thinks again.

But he knows he'll come back sooner this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (FUCKING FINALLY. I'll edit this sometime whenever I'm not lazy because it is a little rushed in some places. Rushed just like Killua and Gon's relationship, but I hope I gave off a good idea that their feelings just picked back up since they left. lol, happy holidays, I hope y'all have a good Christmas this year.)


End file.
